Laverne and Lenny are dating, so are Shirley and Squiggy
Scene 1: Laverne and Shirley's apartment:
LAVERNE: Shirl, can't we wait until a weekday to do this? It's Saturday mornin'! Sky King isn't even on yet! SHIRLEY: Laverne, in the middle of the week, we're gonna be coming home and we'll be tired and you won't wanna do it then. Besides, you usually come home after work so drunk for taking swiggs outta the bottles before you cap 'em you act like an idiot and ya can't even barely walk. Now, ready? One, two, three, alley ooop! Both lift up the couch and put a stack of books under the front legs of it. LAVERNE: Holy moly! Lookit all that dirty, gross junk under there! Door flies open and here we see Lenny and Squiggy SQUIGGY: Hello! The boys walk over to the girls LENNY: Hi, sweetie! LAVERNE: Hi, Len Laverne and Lenny kiss SQUIGGY: Hey, punkin! SHIRLEY: Hi, Squig! Squiggy and Shirley hug eachother LENNY: Whatcha girls doin' that for so early in the mornin'? LAVERNE: 'cause we wanna get it done SQUIGGY: That's a dumb reason LENNY: You girls wanna come with us? We goin' to the dump. SQUIGGY: Yeah, we wanna get the good left-overs before the seagulls do! LENNY: Yup, them leftovers are better than the ones mom useta make! Lenny has a dreamy look in his eyes. Laverne and Shirley look at eachother, then make a face. SHIRLEY & LAVERNE: No, thanks guys! You go ahead. LENNY: Oh boy! Lenny jumps up and down. "More for us! Hey! Lets hurry up and get there before Herbert does!" LAVERNE: Who's Herbert? Lenny and Squiggy both sigh. SQUIGGY: You girls obliviously don't hang around at the dump a lot. Herbert's a seagull. We were there last week and there was a bum picking around in Herbert's pile and Herbert killed 'em. (Pauses) That's too bad, though, all the good stuff is in that pile. He gets there around noon o'clock. Sometimes a little later because he hasta brush his beak or something. I dunno. LENNY: Gee, I hope he forgot his watch at home today! Lenny and Squiggy leave SHIRLEY: Ya know? Sometimes I wonder why we even date them! LAVERNE: Because they're cute, sweet, kinda funny, and yet...so...repulsive! I don't know! They ARE kinda gross, but if I lost Lenny, I think I'd die. SHIRLEY: Me too. The girls continue to sweep under the couch and Shirley leaves to get a mop so they can mop under it. Carmine knocks his knock on the door. LAVERNE: Oh, come on in, Carmine, it's open. Carmine comes in with two pretty girls at his sides. CARMINE: Hey, Laverne! Where's Shirl? LAVERNE: She went to get a mop so we can mop under here. CARMINE: Oh, I came here to ask you girls a favor. Shirley comes in not looking at Carmine's cousins. SHIRLEY: Sure Carmine, what is it? CARMINE: Well, I don't wanna dump these girls in your lap but, can you to show my cousins around while I go to Chicago to pick up a load of tap shoes? LAVERNE: Sure! How long they staying here? CARMINE: They moved here. Shirley is mopping the floor. Without looking up she says: "from where"? AMBER: Minnesota LAVERNE: Oh really? I went there once, it smelled so bad there from all the... Shirley jabs Laverne with the mop stick Laverne rubs the spot where Shirley jabbed her. LAVERNE: Uh, what are your names? Shirley stops mopping under the couch to look at Carmine's cousins. She never saw them 'til just then. She thinks about how they might be a threat to Laverne and Shirley. AMBER: Amber MARIE: Marie LAVERNE: Those are pretty names. I always hated my name. CARMINE: I'd love to stay but I gotta go now girls! See ya tommorrow!
Scene 2: Next day - Pizza Bowl
Laverne and Shirley are at their normal table. Amber and Marie are bowling with Barney and BlackJack.
SHIRLEY: Laverne, I dont trust them. They're so pretty. As soon as Lenny and Squiggy see them they'll... Shirley bites her palm. SHIRLEY: It's happened before Laverne. Remember Elanore? Randy was her boyfriend for 6 months and then Ready Betty Rosaluski moved here and he thought she was georgeous and he dumped Eleanore. Those two look like the kinda girl Betty was. Stealers. LAVERNE: Nah, they look sweet. SHIRLEY: I'm tellin' ya Laverne... Lenny and Squiggy walk in LENNY: Hello! Squiggy and the girls look at Lenny LENNY: Oops, you say that don't you? SQUIGGY: I've only said it all 178 episodes. LENNY: Sorry Squiggy looks away and has a squidgy face on. LENNY: I said I was sorry SQUIGGY: Next time be careful of whatya say. Lenny goes to the counter and gets 2 beers with 4 straws. Lenny gets back with the beers abnd puts one in front of him and Laverne and one in front of Squiggy and Shirley. SQUIGGY: So, Shirl, whaddya want for Christmas? It's only a week away. SHIRLEY: All I could possibly ask for from you would be your love. LAVERNE: Awwwwwwww. Squiggy and Shirley give eachother a long kiss that seemed like it would never end. Laverne and Lenny get an idea and pretty soon they are all making out. Amber in background: Yay! I got a strike! LENNY: Who? Wha? Whassat? SQUIGGY: Let's go see! Lenny and Squiggy both go rushing into the bowling alley, Squiggy yelling "Babe! Babe! Babe!" all the way. Shirley gives Laverne a smug look. Laverne looks hurt. Shirley gets up and says "come on, lets go in there and see what's going on before something happens!" Laverne gets up and follows her. Both girls walk in and see Lenny kissing Amber and Squiggy kissing Marie. LAVERNE: Lenny! Lenny looks over and has an expression on his face like 'oops!' Shirley runs out of the bowling alley, crying. Squiggy looks after her for a moment, then chases her. LENNY: Laverne, I can explain. LAVERNE: All right. Explain. You got 2 minutes. This outta be good. Laverne sits down on a chair and crosses her arms. Lenny looks like he's struggling to come up with a good explaination. LAVERNE: Well? LENNY: Well, uh, Amber here, was eating, uh, nachos, and she, uh, get a chip stuck halfway down and I was, uh, trying to help her get it out! Yeah, that's it! See!? There's a good explaination for everything. Laverne looks at Amber. Amber looks smug. LAVERNE: "Yeah, sweetie bear, there's a good explaination for everything." Laverne is trying not to cry. "That wasn't one of 'em!" Laverne runs out of the bowling alley. Also crying. Lenny looks at Amber and Marie. LENNY: Listen, I gotta go for a while. Why don't you meet me and Squiggy here tommorrow at 7:00? MARIE: Sure! We'll be here! Lenny runs outta the bowling alley yelling Laverne's name.
Scene 3: Laverne and Shirley's apartment. 5:00 pm that night
Lenny and Squiggy are pounding on the girls' bedroom door. Laverne and Shirley are sobbing inside. LENNY: Cummon girls! We don't love 'em or nuttin! We love you! SQUIGGY: Yah, we only like to kiss Amber and Marie! Lenny smacks Squiggy. The door opens and Shirley's hand flies out and smacks Squiggy, too. Laverne does the same. The door shuts with a slam. He rubs his head where they hit him, and straightened his hair. LAVERNE: Len, if you love us so much, why were you kissing them? Lenny couldn't think of an explaination so he said, "Okay fine! I DO love her! I hate you!" Laverne starts to sob harder from behind the door. Lenny stands there for a minute then stomps outta the apartment. Squiggy follows. The door slams behind them.
Scene 4: Laverne and Shirley's bedroom 6:00 pm
Shirley had cried herself to sleep already. Laverne was lying on her bed, looking at the cieling, and crying. Laverne gets up and takes down the picture of Lenny from above her bed, and throws it in the garbage. She picked up the "Lone Wolfette" jacket, walked through the living room, into the kitchen, put it in the dumb waiter and pulled the rope to make it go up to Lenny and Squiggy's apartment. She goes back to her bedroom, picked up all her Lenny "reminders" and throws them away. She lies back down on her bed, still crying, and goes to sleep.
Scene 5: Lenny and Squiggy's apartment. Same time
Lenny and Squiggy are messing up the place. Laverne and Shirley always told them to keep it clean. Squiggy picks up his BooBooBumbleBee doll and throws it away. Lenny is picking up the records he borrowed from Laverne. SQUIGGY: Hey! Don't give "Blueberry Hill" back! It's the best one. Lenny doesn't say anything. Lenny opens the dumbwaiter and finds Laverne's "Lone Wolfette" jacket. LENNY: I gave this to Laverne for our three month anniversary. SQUIGGY: I gave Shirley one of my moths. Squiggy starts to kick over stuff again while Lenny puts the records in the dumbwaiter, lowers it, and shuts it. Lenny sits down, clutching the "Lone Wolfette" jacket, and starts to cry. Squiggy looks over and he sees his best friend is hurting. He goes over to Lenny and tries to comfort him. Lenny puts his head on Squiggy's shoulder and starts to cry harder. SQUIGGY: It'll be alright. In the end we'll all be back together again. Lenny looks up. LENNY: How do you know that? SQUIGGY: That's the way it always happens. Trust me.
Scene 6: The Pizza Bowl, the next day.
Carmine is singing a song. Lenny and Squiggy are sitting at a table, looking glum. Lenny goes over to the counter and gets two more beers. MR. DEFAZIO: Dont'cha think 8 beers each is a little much, Len? LENNY: Not when you're girlfriend caught you kissing another girl and you said you hated her. MR. DEFAZIO: I'm gonna kill you! You did THAT to MY daughter?!!! Mr. DeFazio lunges at Lenny. Carmine stops singing and runs to the rescue like usual. Just then, Laverne and Shirley walk in. They both see Lenny and Squiggy and run into the bathroom. LENNY: See? I toldya they'd do that if they came here while we were. SQUIGGY: Wouldn't ya think they'd forget about that a little? CARMINE: What? What'd you do to them? Lenny and Squiggy both start talking. CARMINE: One of you. Squig. Tell. Now. SQUIGGY: They caught us kissing your cousins yesterday and when we were trying to apologize we got mad and said we hated them. MR. DEFAZIO: THAT'S why I'm gonna kill 'em! CARMINE: Now, calm down Mr. DeFazio. I'll talk with them, Laverne and Shirley, and my cousins. You just cool down now, okay? MR. DEFAZIO: Okay CARMINE: No hittin'? MR. DEFAZIO: Nope CARMINE: Okay, good. Now you go back to your business. Frank turns and goes into the kitchen. CARMINE: I want you two clowns in my apartment at 7:00...got it? LENNY AND SQUIGGY: Got it! We'll be there!