It's weird that I'm sixteen and just finding out that I can't handle everything life is throwing at me. I thought that I could handle everything, but apparently I can't. This is the story of how my seemingly perfect life came crashing down. But hopefully this crash isn't the end of my story, because like every little girl has, I've dreamed of a happy ending.
I can remember it so vividly, it felt hot, sticky. My head started to pound and a few drops of sweat were resting on my brow. I reached a clammy hand to the back of my neck, trying to wipe off some sweat and then lifted my hair off my shoulders hoping for a light breeze, but it didn't come. I let out a groan and a few people looked up at me, but I only noticed one in particular. He split into a wide grin, that goofy smile that could make anybody happy. Being the idiot I am, I smiled like a big oaf and then realized he was trying to get someone else's attention, not making me feel any better.
I glanced behind me to see Ponyboy Curtis working on his test paper intently. I looked back in front of me to see Two-Bit still trying to distract him with no success and suddenly our eyes met. I looked down at my desk quickly as I felt my face grow so hot that I swear it could have been turning purple. Of course he wouldn't be smiling at me after everything between us. I glanced back up to see if he was still looking and saw him talking to another boy behind him. He was smiling and snickering. His antics, although not meant for me, oddly enough, set an old happiness in the pit of my stomach, somewhat calming me.
I sat up in my seat and lightly shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts a bit. I pick up my pencil and start tapping it on the desk with a sigh, praying for just one answer to come to mind. No luck. Rolling my eyes I looked toward the clock seeing I had only half a minute before school was over. This isn't as reassuring as his smile.
Five … four … three … two … one. The bell sounded, receiving some pale-faced grimaces from those of us who hadn't finished the test. I didn't bother to worry about it since there was no question what-so-ever that I had failed. Hopefully it won't affect my grade too badly, not that anyone but me cared.
I pushed up from my seat, not bothering to take my exam and hand it in on my way out. Sophomore year was finally over and it saddened me that nothing much had changed since last summer. I strolled to my locker, not joining in on the frantic escape from school since I was in no rush to get home.
Cleaning my locker out took little time and I was soon making my way to the door with my bag and a few books and old paper that needed to be thrown out. Trying to get to the trash can to dispose of all of the now useless school supplies I was holding in the crook of my arm, I started my down the hall.
All of the sudden the wind was knocked out of me and I was on the floor, all of my things scattered across the busy hallway. I took in a sharp breath having an all too familiar scent entering my nostrils. There was a large weight pinning me to the ground and it was shaking with laughter, who else would it be? He pushed up onto his hands and I found myself facing something else that was extremely familiar. Not just his face, his eyes, his beautiful reddish hair and sideburns, but the position we were in.
Seeing who his victim was he started to laugh lightly and I found my cheeks turning crimson because of Two-Bit Matthews for a second time that day. A wave of confusion set over me because of the sudden closeness. It brought back the good memories we had together, slightly pushing the more recent bad to the back of my mind.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Bonnie McBride. Fancy meetin' you here …" he drawled out with a chuckle. It's hard having him act so normal. I felt his hot breath on my lips and I was ready to just stay there, forgetting about the past and everything else whirling on around us. As shallow as Two-Bit may seem at times, it's amazing how deep his eyes appear. I could drown in those pools of smoky grey.
He seemed to be deep in thought for a few seconds before an odd look cam over his face, one of realization, and he quickly removed himself, to my disappointment. He brushed off his jean jacket and then bent back down, taking me by the elbows and helping me to my feet. My legs were wobbly and my head dizzy. I tried to convince myself it was the heat and I didn't miss him as much as I did, but it was no use.
"Sorry about that Bon-Bon – um, Bonnie …" He stuttered over his old nickname for me. He glanced around rather awkwardly for the extrovert he was, "Lemme help ya with those," gesturing to the books lying around.
I couldn't find words, my mind lost in thought. I was remembering the last time we saw each other as a couple, convincing myself that I shouldn't be feeling all these butterflies in the pit of my stomach for this boy. I couldn't let him in again. I could handle what he had done, I could handle just about anything, but at that moment I doubted my ability to handle his cheating again.
"Bonnie?" He waved a hand in front of my blank face. I snapped back into reality, leaving behind the night I had seen him asleep with another girl in a room at Buck's. He was drunk; at least I still had that. Two-Bit hadn't been completely alert when it happened. Even though I let myself believe it in my mind that he didn't mean to, I couldn't bring myself to take him back when he had pleaded his case with me the next afternoon when he was picking me up for a date.I had been steeming in my living room and when i heard him bounding up the creaky porch steps and knock on the door, i had rushed to answer. He looked terrible and guilty, the sad look on his face almost made me want to forget aboiut the previous night. I let him take me to the Dingo, the whole time we had stayed relatively quiet, he didn't even kiss me once. He started to stutter over having to tell me something and i just broke. I loudly confronted him about what I had witnessed in front of everybody in the crowded diner. He pleaded, begged, but i couldn't take him back at the moment, the wound was too fresh.
I giggled awkwardly, trying to act natural, thinking i might be over it, since that had been over a month ago. I shook my head, mentally scolding myself for letting him see me act so awkwardly, my face turning a light pink, "Oh, that's ok, I was just gonna throw all that our anyway, we can just leave it." He grinned widely.
"Still leaving messes for people to clean up, I see." He teased good-naturedly, trying to be as normal as possible. He did make it seem much more effortless than I did. I picked up my purse slowly, catching him get brief peek of my exposed legs as I bent down, triumphant that I still held his attenion.
"Nope, that's your job, I'm sure you can recall," I snapped as I briskly pulled the large leather bag over my shoulder. Instictively I shot a dirty look his way, remembering the pain he caused. It seemed that I was the master of mixed signals at that moment.
He shook his head with a slightly hurt look on his face but soon covered it up with an amused expression, "Huh, just as much trouble as I remember."
"Causing trouble is also your job-"
"Now now, little lady," he cut me off with a slight grin, "don't you go pinning your rabble-rousing on me, a fine, upstanding citizen." I scoffed and noticed Ponyboy walking in the crowed toward us, probably looking for his ride. "You should really stop trying to get all of this attention, that attack of yours was rather violent, you had me on the floor!" he went on.
"Now just you wait Two-Bit-"
I was once again cut off, "Just because you feel a need to be close to me" I blushed at that, since I did initially enjoy his closeness, "doesn't mean you can put forth such a public display of affection just cause ya dig me." Ponyboy was standing right off Two-Bit's shoulder by now chuckling at the small amount of our encounter he had witnessed.
Pony shook his head with a smile, "You two never change, always causing some kind of commotion." Two-Bit gave him a warning glance and then turned his attention back to me.
He was about to say something but I just shook my head, gave an exasperated grunt and pushed my way past the two of them and through the door and into the summer heat. Ha, I could still take his incessant banter. I told myself I had had that under control and I would have won that small battle if Pony hadn't shown up.
Relieved that school was over for the summer and there was less of a possibility of seeing him every day, I made my way home with a slight bounce in my step. As I got thinking more and more about my feelings toward him, a cocky smirk came to play on my lips. If that was all that Two-Bit Matthews could dish out to the girl he had lost but obviously wanted back, maybe she could handle him. Maybe she could handle just about anything life threw her way.