I won't suffer, be broken
a B:TAS story
by Merlin Missy
Copyright 2006
PG-13
DC and Warner Bros. own the toys. For the "Dick and Babs Commentfic Fest" on Liviapenn's Livejournal. Spoilers for BB:RotJ, and up through JLU: Far From Home.
All June's fault.
I won't suffer, be broken
Get tired or wasted
Surrender to nothing
- "Attack," 30 Seconds to Mars
It has been fifteen months since Tim said things he didn't mean to Bruce and left for good, twenty-nine months since they found him in the ruins of Arkham, just under thirty months since he first vanished. It has been thirty-five months since Dick left for Blüdhaven. It has been twelve months since Alfred's collapse, quietly brewing inside of him ever since the first loss, the second, the last, and being Alfred, he had said nothing until Bruce found him on the floor. It has been nine months since the first night that Barbara went to Bruce's bed. It has been six months since billionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne was first seen on a public date with the daughter of Commissioner Gordon. It has been eight hours since she saw him last, still sleeping the slim time he allows himself, when she dressed in the dark and went home.
It has been sixteen hours since she zip-tied the last of the Low Street Gang, her hands numb and mouth bloody from lucky kicks. It has been sixty-seven minutes since the last person at the station asked how she's feeling and Jo asked her how Bruce was doing. It has been fifty-nine minutes since she left, claiming fatigue.
It has been forty-eight minutes since she didn't take the freeway. It has been thirty-seven minutes since she crossed the bridge. It has been sixteen minutes since she reached his street. It has been ten minutes since she stopped circling and found a parking spot.
It has been nine minutes since she looked up at the loft, thinking she should have called.
It has been seven years since they took the trip up the coast, delayed by Mr. Freeze's thwarted plans for her. It has been nearly that long since Bruce showed her the Cave that first time and everything finally made sense, since the Joker attacked, since Dick punched Bruce, since Barbara didn't leave with him and he didn't ask. It has been five years since his return to Gotham, a grown man and a changed one.
It has been thirty-eight months since the night Tim was home with the flu and Bruce was busy with the League, and Batgirl and Nightwing fought Two-Face, and the banter afterwards was driven by adrenaline and so much more than friendly sparring, and they'd only just made it through her front door before they were on the floor, and there wasn't even time to get naked. It has been thirty-six months since the last time she gasped his name intentionally, since Bruce called her to his side and she'd gone without thinking, since Dick asked her to go with him and she said she couldn't.
It has been two days since the last time she told herself she could share Bruce's love, knowing he loved his city and the night. It has been two days since she first let herself consider that he only loved his city and the night.
It has been thirty-two months since Kara left for the future without a goodbye. It has been years since Barbara last sat in a room with someone she considered a friend, someone she could trust.
It has been three minutes since she stepped out of her car. It has been one hundred seconds since the elevator grunted to the top floor. It has been ninety seconds since she knocked. It has been forty-four seconds since she heard him inside and knew he'd been asleep.
It has been twenty seconds since he opened his door, hair disheveled, eyes tired but alert as he glanced over her bruises.
It has been seventy seconds since she asked herself what she was doing here. It has been sixty seconds since she asked herself if she intends to be known as a girl forever, if she intends to grow old this way, to find grey hairs in her brush and still wear a short cape, to feel her bones creak with age until Bruce's true love consumes her as much as it has consumed him and broken everyone else he's loved. It has been fifty seconds since she wondered if there was another chance, another life, not in Dick's arms (or maybe someday) but where she can be who she is before she stops being anyone but Batgirl.
It has been five seconds since Dick placed his hands against her unbruised cheek. It has been four seconds since she closed her eyes. It has been three seconds since the tears started, for herself, for him, for everyone and everything they've lost and taken from each other.
It has been longer than forever since he has just held her and let her weep.
The End