A/N
I may have accidentally binge-watched "Sex Sent Me To The ER" yesterday and this idea popped up. I have nothing to say in my defence. XD
Not to be taken seriously in any way.
"I told you it was a bad idea."
"No you didn't. I distinctively remember you saying 'oh, sure. Let's try that'."
"You don't know sarcasm?"
"I'm fluent in sarcasm."
The doctor looked from the blonde to the brunette as if following a Ping-Pong game, then seemed to shake his head to clear it before he dared to interrupt.
"How did this happen?"
As if on cue, Erin Strauss and Alex Blake fell completely silent.
"Well, ladies?"
Blake tried to cross her arms, but the handcuff link stopped her halfway. Strauss shot her an angry glare and yanked her own arm back. She pressed an ice bag to the back of her head with the hand not connected to the other woman.
"She slipped," Blake finally said, fixating her eyes on a point high up the wall to avoid eye contact with anyone.
"Yeah, but I wouldn't have fallen if you had been quick enough to hold me up."
"Forgive me, I was busy having an orgasm."
"Last one you'll ever get from me."
Blake snorted.
"First one I ever got from you."
"I hear you've forgotten all about the 80s."
"Yeah, well, I faked."
"I strongly doubt you faked it throughout our relationship."
"You faked the entire relationship."
Strauss couldn't come up with an answer to this, so she turned to the doctor.
"I fell in the shower and hit my head. Some people aren't as strong as they were in their twenties," she said with a side glance at Blake, meant to scold her for letting Strauss fall.
"Some people aren't as agile as they used to be, either," Blake said, still staring at the wall.
"Okay," the doctor said. "If you take off the handcuffs and sit down…"
"That's… the other problem," Strauss said. "She dropped the key down the drain."
Blake pursed her lips but didn't say anything.
"I see. Okay. Well then, sit down and I'll take a look at your head first, then we'll find something to cut off those cuffs with."
He looked at the two middle-aged women in bathrobes, with wet hair, visible hickeys, and their wrists linked together with a pair of handcuffs. Saturday night shifts in the ER always came with new surprises.
Meanwhile, Strauss saw something across the room and nudged Blake.
"Look away."
"What? Oh God."
It was too late. Aaron Hotchner, escorting his son Jack who clutched his swollen arm, had already seen them.
"Chief Strauss… agent Blake…" he nodded at them, his face expressionless. He only gave their cuffed hands a brief glance and then said; "I don't want to know."
A nurse came to take a look at Jack's arm and Hotch mercifully disappeared into the room with them, but not before they had seen the rare grin on his face.
"You always get me into these weird situations," Blake said.
"Oh here we go, it's always my fault."
"When you said 'for old time's sake, this wasn't what I had in mind."
"Listen to you, last time we ended up in the ER it was your fault."
"I just wanted to try it."
"Popsicles are not sex toys."
"You didn't know that back then either."
The doctor gave them a horrified look.
"Sounds like you need to cut down on the adventures," he said.
"He's right," Strauss said. Blake sighed.
"Yeah, I suppose."
Strauss leaned in and whispered in Blake's ear:
"He said cut down, not cut out."
A naughty smile spread across the brunette's face.
"That's what I thought he said," she whispered back.