-In Joy and Sorrow-

2002

March:

Walking up to the front door of the MTV studios in the center of Time Square was a nerve wracking expirience. Sighing slightly, I opened the door. Little did I know at the time it would be a life changing, gate way to hell. And here I was, just looking for a steady job for a few months before I had to go back to school.

Looking around the lobby, I took in the funky, flirty furntiure and walls. It reminded me of the TRL set that I had seen numerous times on TV and was only a floor above me. I stepped nervously towards the desk were a girl with a nose ring and purple hair sat on the phone with whom I assumed was a friend and not a client.

I nervously straightened my tan wide-leg Dolce & Gabana pants and flattened my crisp, white, Ralph Lauren oxford before taking off my Chanel half-tints and tucking them into my black leather Chanel bag. I walked up to this girl mustering evey bit of confidence I had.

'Hello.' I said braver than I actually felt. 'I was wondering if you could tell me what floor Jeff Tremaine's office is on. I have a meeting with him.'

The girl looked me up and down before saying, 'Third floor. Ask the chick at the desk up there.'

'Thank you.' I said. I started my journey across the lobby towards the elevator, my black Manolo's clicking across the hard tile with each step. I hit the down botton and the doors opened almost instantly. I stepped inside and hit the big green 3. Waiting to go up I thought of what I could say to this man who would hopefully become my boss.

The small chime rang for the third time signaling my stop. Thne doors opened and two men came running in. One was a tall blonde with a beard wearing jeans and an orange shirt with a white outline of a car that reminded me of the Duke's of Hazard. He had dark Aviator's covering his eyes.

His friend was about the same height. He had dark brown, almost black curly hair. It curled out of the bottom of his black trucker hat that was backwards on his head and had Element written across the front of it in red letters. He had on a maroon button down, that wasn't buttoned up at all and showed off his bare chest. His purple boxers hung right over the top of his lowrise belted jeans showing off a tattoo I'd like to see the rest of.

'Oh, shit he's gonna kill us!' The blonde laughed as he climbed into the elevator.

'Sorry,' The other said to me as he ran on the elevator bumping into me slightly.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and walked up to another desk. This one had a girl behind it who was so throughly interested in her work that it took five minutes for me to get her attention.

'Excuse me?' I asked slightly louder then a moment ago.

'Oh, hello.' She said looking up from her work.

'I have a job interview with Jeff Tremaine.' I said repeating myself.

'Okay. Can I have your name please?' She asked.

'Rian Lightman.' I said.

'Okay, one moment.' She picked up the phone and dialed an extention.'Hello, Jeff? Hi. I have a Miss Rian Lightman here to see you. Yes. Okay.' She hung up and looked at me. 'You may head in. Go through that door and all the way to the end of the hallway.'

'Okay, thank you.' I walked towards the door and headed down the hall. Each step I took a deep breath, attempting to sike myself out. I approached the door hearing laughter from the other side and knocked nervously.

'Come in...' Someone said close to tears.

I opened the door slowly and found two grown men laughing hysterically. One was sitting behind a desk and the other was on a couch on the other end of the room. A cell phone was lying on the desk open and a voice was talking to them making them laugh harder.

'Yeah, I'm on the phone with them right now. Yeah, hang on. Yo, Knoxville, Ehren wants to talk to you.'

'Alright, Bam.' The man I assumed was Knoxville answered.

'Take it out there, Johnny. I have an interview.' The other man said pointing to the door.

Johnny Knoxville picked up the phone and left the room saying, 'Hello?' on his way out.

'Sorry about that.' The other man said.

'It's okay.' I said.

'I'm Jeff Tremaine.' he extended his hand for a hand shake.

'Rian Lightman.' I said extending my own hand. I noticed instantly that he seemed a bit underdressed for a formal job interview. Wearing dark blue jeans and a brown CKY shirt. He was not the uptight business man I had expected in a pinstripe Gucci suit. He had dark brown hair cut short with bright blue eyes. Five O'clock shadow completed his casual look.

'Hello, Rian. Take a seat.' He said gesturing to the chair acorss from his. 'So, how old are you?'

'20.' I said.

'Okay, and you are applying for a job as my secretary, correct?' Jeff asked lacing his fingers together on the desk.

'Yes.' I said.

'Well, uh, this job is very important and takes a lot of time and hardwork.' Jeff said.

At this point Johnny Knoxville renters the room. He looked as I had seen him numerous times on TV. Blue-green skater pants, balck Converse, high tube socks, black belt with a skull and crutches, and a plain white t-shirt.

'Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.' He said to me holding out his hand.

I took it saying, 'Rian Lightman.'

'Bam and Dunn have engaged Ehren to help them scare the hell outta Dave.' Johnny said to Jeff laughing.

'Oh, shit.' Jeff laughed. Once he had sobered up from his laughing fit, our interview began. He asked the normal background questions before giving me the job.

'Honestly, you seem like a very nice, capable girl, so you've got the job.' He said.

'Oh my God!' I said not hiding the smile from my face. 'Thank you so much.'

'Now listen,' He said. 'We begin filming in one week, so I need you to start then. And this is no ordinary secretary job, I mean, we will be all over the country and world for that matter. There can be nothing keeping you from traveling. You also need to understand that pain and injury is expected on this movie. Someone gets hurt I don't need you to run out and ruin the shot. So, what we came up with on the show was a little signal I had to tell the crew wheather to run out or not.'

While he spoke I shook my head in understanding. I was so excited that I had landed the job.

'Let me look for our travel schedule.' Jeff said as he began to rumage through his desk.

'You have seen the show before, right?' Knoxville spoke up.

Turing to face him I said, 'Of course, once or twice.'

'Okay, good. Just checking.' He said.

Suddenly the door burst open and the two men from the elevator earlier came in panting.

'Oh, God, we got him so good.' The one with the dark hair said.

'Did you really?' Knoxville asked.

'Yeah,' Said the blonde. Then the four men laughed as the dark haired one gave a dramatic re-enactment of a man being scared.

'Found it!' Jeff said pulling a crumpled piece of paper from his desk and placing it in front of me.

'Who's this?' The blonde asked pointing to me.

'This is Rian Lightman, my new secretary.' Jeff said. 'Rian, this is Bam Margera and Ryan Dunn. They're both members of the cast.'

'Nice to meet you.' I said turning around to smile at them.

'You two.' Ryan Dunn said.

I noticed they were both rather good looking all though it was Bam who really caught my eye. His bright blue eyes sparkled as they looked at me.

'Hi.' He said shyly playing with the wheels of the skateboard he was holding.

'Okay, so,' Jeff said directing my attention from Bam to him and the travel schedule. 'We'll start in West Chester, Pennsylvania, by Bam's house, then we'll head back up here to New York, then we'll go to Miami and Orlando, England, Los Angeles, Mexico, and then Japan.'

'We're starting in West Chester?' Bam asked looking between the two.

'Yes, Bam.' Knoxville said.

'Shit, I better call Ape and tell her to clean the house.' Bam said laughing. 'Come on Dunn.' He hit him in the stomach.

'Bye guys.' Dunn said waving and opening the door. 'Nice to meet you.' He said to me.

'Bye assholes.' Bam said. 'Bye Rian, see you in a week.' He winked and shut the door.

'I suggest you go home and get some rest while you can.' Jeff said to me laughing.

One week later I was boarding a plane to West Chester, Pennsylvania with Jeff Tremain and and Johnny Knoxville as my new co-workers. I sat between them on the plane.

'Are you ready?' Knoxville asked me as I took The Devil Wears Prada out of my oversized Louis Vuitton carry on.

'Yeah,' I said pulling my Fendi baby doll dress down and pulling my feet out of my Juicy Couture ballet flats.

'You do realize what you have willingly thrown yourself into?' He asked.

'Can you not try to get my newly hired secretary to quit her first day on the job?' Jeff said looking at him. 'And I must say Miss Lightman, you are a marvolous dresser.'

'Thank you, Jeff.' I said smiling at him.

The plane took off and an hour and a half later we were landing.

'Who's picking us up?' I asked grabbing my Louis Vuttion luggage off the luggage carosal and headed towards the door.

'I am.' A voice said.

I turned around and saw none other then Bam stood in front of a black on black Audi wearing a black CKY shirt and black jeans. He also had a green beanie that had a heart with a triangle over it on the side. He dropped the skateboard that was in his hand on the ground and jumped on it.

Skating circles around us he stopped in front of me.

'Nice to see you again.' He said.

'Come on, Bam, let's go.' Johnny said reaching into the drivers side and opening the trunk. He and Jeff placed their bags into the trunk and picked up mine as well.

'Let's go!' Bam said swinging his arm around in the air. He got in the drivers side and Jeff got in the front. Johnny and I got in the back. And off we went. Bam turned up the radio so loud it was pulsing through me. He played air guitar and drummed while he drove barely holding onto the steering wheel. Flinging his head all around he turned around and looked at Johnny and I in the back. Laughing as I held on to the door.

'We're here!' He screamed and whiped the car into the driveway of a large yellow house. The mailbox was black and said BAM on the side with the symbol from his hat on the door. He pulled to a stop in the driveway and we all climbed out. He opened the truck and took only my bags out before shutting it and locking the doors.

'Bam!' Jeff and Johnny said as we laughed.

'Later!' He said carrying my bags into the house. 'Ape, Phil!' He screamed as he made his way to the kitchen. I followed taking in pictures of what I assumed to be him and another boy I assumed as his brother growing up.

'Ape, this is Rian, Jeff's new secretary.' Bam said pointing to me.

'Hi.' I said waving.

'Hello, I'm Bam's mother, April.' She said smiling. She was a pretty blonde lady, who was cooking.

'What cha makin' Ape?' Bam asked looking over the pot.

'Where are Johnny and Jeff?' She asked. 'Mashed Potatoes.'

'Trying to get into my locked car.'

Almost on cue Jeff and Johnny came into view. 'Bam! We need your keys.' Jeff said.

'Here.' He said tossing them. 'Ape, where's everyone sleeping?'

'Well, Jeff, Johnny, and Rian can sleep in the guest room.' Ape said.

'Alright.' He said.

Jeff and Johnny entered with their stuff.

'Where are we sleeping?' Jeff asked.

'Guest room.'

I picked up my bags and followed them back towards the stairs I had passed earlier.

'I like her.' I heard April whisper to whom I assumed was Bam.

'Me too.'

After dining on April's delicious cooking, and meeting the rest of the guys, plus Bam's CKY friends, and Phil. Bam decalred a bon fire in the backyard. Bam and his friends gathered wood and lit a huge fire which we all gathered around. Bam and some of the other guys skateboarded on the half pipe that was in the backyard.

I was sitting by the fire talking with April. She had to have been the nicest mother I had ever met. We talked about clothes and Bam and my new job and Bam. It seemed to me as though she was trying to hook us up.

Suddenly hands covered my eyes and I screamed in surpirse.

'Guess who...' A voice whispered in my ear.

'Bam!' I said. 'You scared the hell out of me.'

He came and stood in front of me laughing.

'Bam, will you leave her alone.' April said.

'Rian, stand up.' He said ignoring his mother.

'What?' I asked. 'Why?'

'I want to see how tall you are.'

I stood up and fell right into his trap. He picked me up by the waist and threw me over his shoulder running towards the mini ramp.

'Bam!' I screamed laughing the whole way.

He put me down next to the ramp as he climbed up.

'Come on, Rian!' He called from the top.

'I'm not going up there!' I said laughing.

'Yeah, come on Rian!' The others called.

'I'll help you up.' Bam said reaching forward.

Sighing I climbed up to the center of the ramp. I took Bam's hand and he pulled me up to the top.

'You okay?' He asked as he helped me to stand.

'Yeah, just a little cold.' I said shivering slightly.

Without a word he took off the green Element hoodie he was wearing and handed it to me before grabing his board and dropping into the ramp. I looked at it for a moment before putting it on, the warmth from his body beating against my cold skin.

Watching him skate, I couldn't help but think he was hitting on me. I hadn't had an actual boyfriend since highschool. And that was only because I was too wrapped up in my college courses to actually have the time for one. But now that I had the time, I couldn't help but think of all the possibilites.

'Warm now?' He asked popping up next to me.

'Yeah, thanks.' I said smiling and making him grin back at me.

'All right guys, bedtime! We have to be up early tommorrow!' Jeff called clapping his hands together.

The others jumped down off the ramp and headed indoors. Bam and I stood staring into each others eyes for a moment before April said, 'Bam, let's go!'

He broke away from his gaze and jumped from the ramp. Helping me down we walked towards the house in a comfortable silence. We reached the door and I went to open it but Bam stopped me.

'You're not gonna say goodnight?' He asked.

'Goodnight Bam.' I said.

'No, I mean--' He leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips. Then he opened the door and pushed me inside.

He went to the fridge to get a cool drink. But I continued my way up the staris trying to grasp what had just happened between Bam and I. I liked him a lot, but I couldn't let that get in the way of my new job.

The week in West Chester went by fast. And I had gotten my first taste of the Jackass expirience. I had watched the guys prank the unsuspecting public and each other, total four golf carts, put alligators in Bam's kitchen, and inflict pain on themselves.

Of all the guys, Bam and I had gotten the closest. We never spoke of that goodnight kiss. But we did spend many late nights talking in his room or in the living room.

And before we knew it we had to move on to New York.

Bam woke me up Sunday morning by jumping on me.

'Get up.' He said sitting up.

'Ugh, Bam.' I said rubbing my face.

'I told you I was waking you up at the ass crack of dawn, woman.' He said rolling off the bed to the floor.

'What was that?' April said from downstairs.

Bam and I began to laugh. I stood up stretching my arms over my head while Bam got off the floor. He went downstairs while I changed.

An hour later Bam drove us to the airport giving us his rock concert the whole way. He carried my bags to the check in and walked with us to the gate.

'Bye Johnny,' He said shaking their hands. 'Jeff.'

Jeff and Johnny picked up their bags and got in line to get their tickets checked by the attendent.

'Let me see your phone.' He said.

'What?' I asked confused.

'Let me see it.'

I reached into my Louis Vuitton carry-on and dug around for my Blackberry Pearl. I handed it to him and he instantly began typing.

'What are you doing?' I asked.

'I put my number in so we could text and call each other.' He said giving it back.

'Oh.' I slipped it back into my bag.

I was about to turn towards the line when he grabbed my shoulder and whiped my body around pulling me in for a quick hug.

'I'll see you in a week.' He said.

'Okay.'

'Call me when you land.' He said pulling back as I nodded. 'Promise?'

'Promise.' I picked up my bag, smiling, and made it onto the plane just before take off.

New York was the most boring stop of the trip. Johnny was the only member of the cast that was there, so it was a pretty boring week. You really can't get much footage with one guy. It was nice to sleep in my own bed and have my wardobe back.

Bam and I texted the entire week. I filled him in on things we had filmed and things we had come up with. He called me three times a day. When he woke up, around lunch time, and before he went to bed. I looked forward to his calls. Before I knew it, it was Friday and we would be leaving in two days.

'Hello?' I asked sleepily.

'Hi, Rian. What are you doing?' Bam voice asked.

Looking at the clock I noticed it was three in the morning.

'Sleeping.' I said rolling over.

'Oh, sorry.' His words slurred and I had a feeling he had been drinking.

'Is everything all right?' I asked.

'Yeah,' He said pausing a moment before continuing. 'I just wanted to hear your voice.'

'Bam, have you been drinking?' I asked.

'Yeah.' He said.

'Bam, go to sleep.' I said.

'I miss you.' He said.

'Bam, I'll see you in two days. Go to sleep and call me when you wake up.'

'Okay, goodnight.'

'Night.'

'Why are you so tired?' Johnny asked a few hours later.

'Bam called me at three.' I said yawning.

'For what?' Jeff asked laughing.

'I don't know. He was drinking.'

'Oh.' They said.

We sat in the office waiting for the day to end so we could fly to Miami tommorrow to be with the other guys. My phone rang.

'Excuse me.' I said grabbing it and saying, 'Hello.'

'Hi,' Bam's voice said.

'Hey,' I said.

'Did I call you last night?' He asked.

'Yeah, why.'

'Cause I think I remember it.' He said. 'What time was that at?'

'Like three.'

'Oh my god. I'm sorry.' He said laughing slightly. 'What did I say?'

'That you wanted to hear my voice.' I said.

'Oh. I have such a bad headache.'

'Ha.' I laughed.

'Shutup.' He said. I could picture him shirtless, sitting in his bed, clutching his head.

'Rian.' Jeff said getting my attention.

'Yeah?' I asked.

'You can go home. I mean we're really not doing anything.'

'You're sure?' I asked.

'Yeah.'

'Okay. Bye guys.'

'Where are you going?' Bam asked.

'Home.'

'Why?' He asked. I could hear his closet door open.

'To pack. They don't need me. We were just sitting around.'

'Oh.' I could hear the rustle of him pulling clothes off.

I stepped out onto the street pulling my Burberry trench around my body.

'Well, I think--' I heard Bam start before. 'Oh fuck!'

'Bam?' I asked as the phone dropped to the ground. 'Bam?'

I could hear him screaming.

'Bam?' I asked as I stepped into a cab giving the Indian man my address.

'Jess!' Bam was laughing. 'Stop! Get the fuck off me.'

'Who you on the phone with?' A man asked.

'No one.' Bam said laughing.

'Your girlfriend?' The man asked again mocking Bam.

'No.' Bam said laughing still. 'Get off! Jess, no!'

'Hello?' The man asked picking up Bam's phone.

'Jess, no!' Bam screamed.

'Hi.' I said.

'Who's this?' Jess asked.

'Rian.' I said.

'Is this the mystery girl that Bam's really into?' Jess asked. I could hear the smirk in his voice.

'Jess, what the fuck!' Bam said.

'I don't know.' I said.

'Jess, give me the fucking phone.' Bam said. 'Mom!'

Jess must have thrown the phone at Bam because he got back on the phone as I stepped out of the cab paying the man.

'Hello?' He said panting.

'Hi.' I said walking to the door of my building. 'Who was that?'

'Sorry, that was my brother, Jess. He's such an asshole. He just tackled and pinned me to the ground and all I have on is my boxers.'

Laughing I asked, 'What were you saying before he tackled you?'

'I was gonna say, I'll go.' He said.

'Okay. Sounds good. I just got home anyway.' I said as I unlocked my door.

'All right. I'll call you later.'

'Kay. Bye.'