Just a one-shot tag for the end of the epi My Bloody Valentine, Cas's POV.
Disclaimer: Usual…not mine, wish they were, but nope, no such luck 'cause that's just how the universe rolls, I guess...
Warning: Heavy-duty angst.
Desolation
Castiel heard it as Dean slipped into the night. He heard everything…
Dean slipped away, stealthy in his departure, his given reason of 'I need some air' a brittle smoke screen left lingering in his wake. Castiel knew, though. He knew what Dean really needed was to not hear his baby brother wailing in desperation for a drug his body craved, one that had previously twisted him into a dark, ego and revenge-driven fool. What he really meant was that he felt helpless and lost and he couldn't reopen those wounds he already had from the past yet again because he wasn't at all sure he would survive it this time. Castiel knew all this and he kept his mouth shut about it. He did as Dean's unvoiced question bade: he watched over Sam for him, Dean trusting him to watch over the most precious thing in his life. Through the strained relationship and demonic ties, one of his brother's own doing, the other forced upon him in infancy, through his unintentional summoning of Lucifer himself, through all of the bombardment of both Heaven and Hell, throughout a lifetime of pain and horror, Sam was still his Sammy. Sam was still the most precious thing in the world to him, even now in the tainted, harrowed roles they found themselves in and Castiel knew, that would never change for Dean.
Dean was broken, long before he witnessed his baby brother die. He was a lost, broken, sad man just trying to do right in the world and to take care of the ones he loved. He held such fierce love and loyalty to his family and few friends, loving to the point of madness, despite everything they may have done to hurt him. He just held on tighter. One by one, as they were ripped away, pieces of Dean were ripped away, too. When the biggest, most vital piece of himself: his baby brother, who was like his son, best friend, and brother all wrapped in one, was ripped away, he himself almost slipped away forever. Sam's resurrection and all of the following consequences that ravaged Dean right down to the core, not even those had been enough to fell the harrowed man. Castiel knew, his soul having touched Dean's, holding it close and precious to his own as he finally freed him from Hell, he knew that Dean's seemingly insurmountable limits may finally have been reached.
Castiel may well have been cut off to the power and prowess of the Heavenly Host, but his unique position as guardian and his soul's infusion into Dean's own body and soul to resurrect him had left Castiel with the ability to feel and hear Dean, despite whatever else he may be doing at the time. Usually, he tried to give what Dean unconsciously asked for: space. He tried not to read thoughts or emotions, tried not to listen in on his private conversations, he basically learned to tune him out. There were times, though, that he sought that connection, trying to understand the emotions and foreign concepts that had invaded him ever since he had merged a piece of his essence with's Dean's.
Sometimes, though, the connection opened itself which, Castiel hoped, was his Father quietly letting him know what his charge needed, even when said charge would not or could not do so himself. He heard Dean's whispered prayers. He heard his despairing wails within his own mind as he near-silently suffered through the endless tortures of Hell inside his own mind and soul. He heard the constant hum of pleas that Dean's soul and unconscious mind pulsed out, much like the rhythm or a heartbeat. 'help me…please help me…forgive me…I'm sorry…save Sammy…help me…' Over and over again, Castiel heard the pulsing sorrow seeping out of Dean, never ceasing, becoming more and more haunting day by day.
Dean was screaming inside and it seemed that no one heard…but Castiel did. Every…single…time.
That night, when Dean slipped away, Castiel listened, unable to tune out, as Dean brokenly pleaded and prayed to God to help him save humanity, his brother, his friends and lastly, himself. Always last, he was. He didn't really believe he deserved it, so he rarely even asked anymore. Castiel knew, though, that he was at the end of his rope. It had been an incredibly long rope, tethering him to this world even as he witnessed and experienced utter horrors and atrocities over the course of his short life. Dean was only human, though, and the rope had long been fraying…
Castiel knew there was but a sliver of time before the rope wrenched free of its tethers once and for all and Dean was lost for all time.
Castiel knew this and mourned for the loss of his friend and humanity's champion already...
A/N: I know, I know…another angsty one shot…what can I say? I just couldn't help it…
I have a couple of other stories and chapter updates written but not typed yet, too, so I'll be hopefully able to get those up and running soon, too. :) I am thinking I'll Take Care of You with the first I update, btw…
As always, please, please, PLEASE Read & Review!!! (They are my deep-fried crack…. ;) )
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