In My Lap, a degrassi fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or the song Collapsed by Aly and AJ.

You were the one
That I couldn't find
Hidden away
In the depths of my mind

I see you with her everyday in the dot. I never let on that I do. I don't want anyone to Know that I am hurting. Even more then that I don't want anyone to know that I miss and still love you even though you have moved on.

Why did I let you go?
You're to good to be true
I messed it up and now I don't know what to do
We ran in circles and wasted time
From right to wrong
From right to wrong

I can't but wonder if we would still be together if Rick never brought the brought the gun to school when you were in grade ten. You were always so good to me. I can't help but remember all the time we spent fighting. But we also had a good run of good times also.

If I knew that you were mine
I wouldn't have wasted time
I wish I could erase the past
Now it's all collapsed
In my lap

I knew you were mine, but I wasted to much time accusing you of still loving her. I knew I was right. However now that I see you with her I can't help be sad, upset and angry all at the same time. I would give anything to be back in your arms. I wish that You would be back with me and kissing me the way you kiss her now. I wish I could fall asleep every night in your arms like I did in grade eleven. But I can't erase the past and I can't make you come back and love me once again.

I over thought
So I locked up my heart, yeah
There you stood
Your blue eyes hidden underneath your hood

I look over and see you stand from your table and walk over to the counter and ask spinner something. After you both nod you turn and your eyes land on me. You look at me then to your once again girlfriend that I heard you were living with. Then back to me.

Why did I let you go?
You're to good to be true
I messed it up and now I don't know what to do
We ran in circles and wasted time
From right to wrong
From right to wrong

"Hey stranger." I greet you, hopefully you'll catch the lightheartedness in my voice.

"Ellie. " you say and I can hear nerviness in your voice and I see your eyes connect with her's.

"So you're back. Since when?" Lex told me months ago but I have to hear it from you.

"A few days before school started." You say with no emotion in your voice.

I glance back at your girlfriend and catch her trying not to glare holes in my head. " So you're with Emma. Again…" I try to keep the hurt out of my voice.

"Yeah. Look I'm sorry if you're hurt but all that time I was in Wasaga I did nothing but think about my life and try to straighten it out. I wasn't sure what I felt about who when I was there. But when Emma and her family took a vacation there to see an old friend of her mom and Mr. S's, we ran into each other at the beach and in town." you look to Emma and smile and then you look in my eyes. " You were right El. I did and do still love her. She's it for me. I'm sorry if that hurts, but I can't help it. I'm sorry Ellie." you say before walking back to your table. I turn just in time to see Emma stand up and hug you and then she kisses you.

If I knew that you were mine
I wouldn't have wasted time
I wish I could erase the past
Now it's all collapsed
In my lap

I walk towards the door. Just before I push it open I turn to you one more time.

"I love you Sean." Emma says running her hand though your hair.

"I love you too Baby." you answer with the biggest smile I have ever seen you smile and lean in to kiss her again.

I sigh to myself as I push the door open and walk out of your life forever.

My mind is blank just like a clean slate
Will a meeting with a guy with the same blue eyes?
And the same name with the Converse shoes I gave
Will he have the same laugh, wear my homemade hat?
Bet I'll make another mistake
And think that he's just another fake

I know I'll try to move on but it will be hard. You were my first real boyfriend and my first real love. But I wasn't yours. I know that in your mind I could never measure up to her. I did try to though. I hope to find another you out in this big world. Someone that will hold me as I cry. I hope he pretends to like my horrible cooking and tell me that it's the best he's ever tasted. I hope I can make him laugh at my stupid habits. I know deep down in my heart that I will always still love you and not a day will go by that I won't wish that you were her with me.

Wish I could erase the past now
Wish I could bring you back

I pass the apartment we use to live in and the memories of us flows into my mind. God sometimes I wish that you never met Emma. Or even if you did I wish you could love me as much if not more then you love her.

If I knew that you were mine
I wouldn't have wasted time
I wish I could erase the past
Now it's all collapsed
In my lap

I know that it's silly to wish the things I do. But I can't help it. The entire past that I had with you is now broken in a thousand pieces and in my lap.