Thanks a lot for clicking on this story! :)
It's a one-shot. Without giving away any more details, I'll let you proceed to the story.
Thanks a lot to one of my best friends, Namrata, for the awesome feedback. You've encouraged me to post this, nam :P
Enjoy! :D
Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end.
-Unknown
Some unknown disturbance dumped me to the edge of the vast sea of blissful sleep, filled with waves of pleasant dreams. I clung tightly to the fading residues of a beautiful dream, wanting to remain asleep if it meant living in that blissful heaven. A land filled with hope, joy, peace and best of all...companionship.
I wasn't alone there. No...I had the love of my life with me. My Dimitri. My comrade was with me, always.
Maybe if I stayed here, in my beautiful dreamland, I wouldn't have to face my reality.
My reality that was nothing but pain.
Pure, heart-wrenching pain...
I don't know how many days, months or even years had passed by. I was a stranger to the passing of time. Day, night, winter, summer...what difference does it make?
My life was not mine anymore. I was nothing anymore.
Not without him...
I used to scoff at such statements before. How can a person's identity be defined by another? Can a person ever be so dependent on someone that without him, there would be no meaning to life? Doesn't being dependent make you weak?
Weak...
That's what the old Rose Hathaway would have said, had she seen my state now.
I was weak...
Yet, I couldn't bring myself to care.
Did it matter if I was weak?
Did anything matter now?
It didn't. That was the truth. Nothing mattered.
What did I care if people saw me as weak? What did I care what others thought about me?
The concept of me, you, people, life...nothing holds any meaning anymore.
Only one thing mattered.
He did...he does.
He always did.
I wanted to do nothing more that to think about him, remember him, cherish him and worship him.
Him...? Or his memories?
Memories...
He wasn't here anymore. No more new memories to create...
But the old ones remained. They'll remain with me forever, until I cease to exist. Maybe even then...
His melodious laughter is still so clear in my mind, echoing in my ears as if it was just yesterday.
Maybe it was...
I love you, Roza...
Did you really? If you did, why did you leave me here alone? Why did you leave me behind?
I had no choice, milaya. You know that...
Do I? Did you really have no choice? If you'd just listened to me once. If only you hadn't stepped out that day...
Didn't I tell you I had a bad feeling?
You were so stubborn, comrade...
What that my fault? After all, we've been together for 18 years. My attitude must have rubbed off on you.
18 years. 18 blissful years.
Why did you have to end it?
It was my duty...
Duty? What did it mean anymore?
A silly, man-made rule took you away from me. Duty. Did it mean so much to you that you put it before me?
Never...
Then why, Dimitri, why? Why did you do this to me? What am I supposed to do now? I don't have anything anymore. I don't have anyone.
I don't want anyone who isn't you.
Tell me, how do I go on when each second is pure torture? When I've lost the total concept of life?
All I know is agony.
Gut-wrenching agony.
My heart, is it still beating? Why? For what sake?
If only I could will it to stop.
But I can't, comrade! I'm helpless. I feel like tearing myself apart, I feel like ripping my heart to shreds, I feel...I feel...
Do I really feel anything?
You...you destroyed me, Dimitri. So much, that 'I', 'me', 'myself' doesn't exist anymore.
If only you'd listened...
"Dimitri, please don't go today," I plead as I watch you shrug on your duster and lace up your boots.
I watch you laugh, striding over to take me in your arms.
For a minute, I'm soothed. The familiar feeling of calmness sweeps over me as you tighten your arms around me. Your embrace always soothes me. You know that.
"I have to go, Roza," You say, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
Have I ever told you I loved those little kisses of yours?
"You don't have to," I mumble, burying my face in your duster.
I don't know why but the familiar scent of aftershave mixed with leather of your duster and your natural, all 'Dimitri' smell makes tears spring to my eyes.
I hate this. I hate feeling this way. When did I turn into a hormonal wreck?
It's difficult to tame the emotions rising within me.
My behavior today is not normal. I know that. You know that. Maybe that's why you lift my chin up to lock eyes with me. Am I confusing you as much as I'm confusing myself?
"What's wrong, milaya?" you murmur, voice like honey on my ears. Your eyebrows are furrowed in concern.
I know I've never acted this way before.
"I have a very bad feeling, Dimitri," I confess, hugging you closer. I don't know if that's possible but I try anyway.
"You're starting to sound like Yeva, you know that?" You tease, trying to lighten the mood.
Fruitless effort, comrade.
Realizing this, you press a kiss to my temple. "I'll be fine, Roza. It's just a regular shift. I'll be back from guarding Christian before dark. Besides, we are in the Court. Nothing bad can happen."
I refuse to listen to your logic. All I know is that something is wrong. Very wrong.
"You'll have to let me go," You say before laughing playfully. "I promise, you'll have me all night. Okay?"
What can I do? You refuse to listen to me. I can't chain you to me, can I?
Beside, logic and reason have decided to side with you.
All I have is a feeling...
We guardians never allow feelings to triumph over reason.
"Okay," I agree, stepping back despite ever cell in my body crying out to hold you tight.
It was a mistake. I should never have let you leave my embrace...
"I'll be back, safe and sound, my Roza," you assure me, pressing a kiss to my lips.
Before I can even revel in your touch, before I can fully taste you, you're gone.
Lips still tingling, I stand alone in our living room...alone...now and forever...
You lied to me, Dimitri. Your first lie and your worst.
You didn't come back to me.
You didn't take care of yourself. How could you be so selfish? Didn't you know your life meant the world to me?
You took away everything from me, comrade. You destroyed me. If only you'd just listened to me...
Did you think of me in your final moments? When you knew the situation was hopeless, the battle pointless?
For strigoi had already won, hadn't they? No one survived...
Except me...
Why did I have to survive? Why did you have to call Lissa and ask her to take me to the safe house? Why did you force me to live without you?
Did you really have no little sympathy for me that you pushed me to the land of living when you vanished to the land of the dead?
I won't let anything get between us, Roza...
Liar! I hate you, you know. I love so much, so so much that I'm beginning to hate you for making me live.
You won't be happy to know that I've attempted suicide.
I really don't care if it's a sign of weakness. All that matters is you...
Lissa found me, unfortunately.
I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to live, period. Is it so hard to understand that?
I'm being pulled up by Lissa now. She's saying something but I can't hear her. I don't want to hear her, don't want to hear anything that isn't your voice.
Adrian and Christian are here, following Lissa and I. I don't where we're going and I really don't know why I'm following her.
Am I walking?
Why am I walking?
She makes me sit somewhere. I don't want to see where I am. My mind is incapable of comprehending anything.
Suddenly, I'm being pulled to my feet.
I just go along with it. Why fight? Why protest? Why even care?
But, all of a sudden...
Shock.
They've brought me to you, Dimitri.
Oh comrade, you look so handsome in that suit. Even with your eyes closed, body still and lying in a casket.
Your final journey...
And I'm not there to experience it with you.
Didn't you promise me a forever?
I love you, Roza. Forever and always...
I love you more, comrade.
I guess I win this final argument, huh? Remember the way we used to always argue over who loved the other more?
I do love you more. I hope you realize that now...
And I'm not letting you go.
I meant it when I said forever.
And I'd be damned if I let you break that promise.
A few cries echoed through the air as I felt my knees give away. Gravity pulled me down, my body collapsing on top of yours.
Using the very last bit of my energy, I reach for your hand, intertwining your long, graceful fingers with mine.
I'm coming to you, Dimitri.
I'm coming...
My home always is where you are.
Forever and always...
AN: How was it? This is the first time I've written a total angst story so I'm nervous about the feedback. Leave me a review and let me know what you thought of this.
Hopefully it's not too bad...
Thanks again :)