Author Note: It's been a long time since I have been able to write anything. I wrote this earlier today, I set myself the challenge of whether I'd be able to write a one shot within 10 minutes. I did. The result is this story that you are about to read.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank My dear friend Vid, who beta'd this story for me. How she had the patience to iron out all the errors I made I don't know!!
Special shout outs to Laura and all my other friends; to anyone else that may have read my previous work and have opted to check this out as well, thank you! I hope that you all enjoy this, if you have any problems/issues/spot any errors please tell me!!
This is set in the holidays after The Marauders, Lily and Severus' fifth year, so just after ''Snapes Worst Memory''.
Disclaimer; As you will soon find out by my obvious lack of skill, I am not J.K Rowling and do not own Harry Potter! :)
The Evans' house was easily recognisable to Severus Snape.
Hell, it was easily recognisable to anyone with half a brain. Though by no means a mansion, it was certainly quite big; big enough, at the very least, for neighbours to glance enviously at it.
It would certainly not be the type of house one would find in Spinners End, Severus thought sourly for what felt like the millionth time.. All the houses there were cramped, old, dirty and smelly.
It had been a joy, nay, a privilege for Severus to go into the Evans' home.
At the tender age of eleven he had been accepted open arms by Mr. and Mrs. Evans. Just like their daughter Lily, they had overlooked his funny smock, his trench coat, his overall ugliness and opened their doors to him. He let himself pretend even for a moment, a passing, fleeting, glorious moment, that he too belonged here, with the warm fire, parents who loved each other; who would never raise their voices or get violent for trivial reasons such as the fish being slightly overcooked or their football team losing yet again
Now it was all gone.
Now he was back in the position he was so many years ago, before he struck up the courage to talk to Lily.
Watching from a distance, longing - forever longing - to be able to be a part of her life; to be able to stare at her, talk to her, make her laugh...
Now all she did was glare at him.
He stood outside the Evans' house that day, his hands grazing the top of the wired gate nervously as he stared at her window on the second floor.
Just last summer he had spent many days with her in that room, doing homework, laughing over silly things, being like little kids...
And now she hated him.
It wasn't new for him to be hated. He had been hated all his life, by his father, his primary school mates, the bullies that had beaten him up… He even believed that at Hogwarts, his house mates hated him on some level.
But being hated by her, that was a new thing entirely.
He didn't know what possessed him to call her a Mudblood... He was embarrassed, angry, hurt. He lashed out. Certainly she could understand?
No. She didn't.
Every day of the summer break he had stood outside her house, after her parents left for work, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Every day he was sorely disappointed.
He had seen Petunia countless number of times her hand intertwined with her fat boyfriend Dursley's ( a thug who used to beat Severus mercilessly in the old days). She wore a smug look whenever she saw Severus. As if he should somehow be jealous of her.
He wondered if she and Lily were talking, now that he was out of the picture... If so, that made him very miserable.
"Severus!"
Severus was pulled out of his musings with a jolt.
Lily stood in front of him wearing a peasant dress, her long red hair spread out like a waterfall, glaring at him through green almond shaped eyes. He blinked to see if he was not dreaming, to see if she was really there…
She was.
"Lily," He breathed. He was about to reach out for her, but he stopped himself just in time. She stood on the other side of the gate, and looked as though she had no intention, whatsoever, of letting him in to her house.
"Go away Severus," She said in a clear, firm tone.
"Lily... Please..."
She wasn't looking at him now, more over his shoulder, her face set in determination.
"I'm asking you not to come here anymore. I don't like it. I don't want you here..."
"I'm sorry!" Severus said desperately as her green eyes swung to him. "I'm sorry for calling you a... I'm sorry for what I called you! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! How many times do I have to say it?!"
Lily looked at him for the longest time and despite himself, Severus felt his heart rise in hope.
"You don't get it at all, do you?!" Lily demanded finally. "It doesn't have anything to do with that... that disgusting word you called me!"
"It doesn't?" Severus asked confused, his hopes falling at once. "But then why-?"
"It was because that day, it felt as though someone had lifted a blindfold off my eyes. When you called me that name, suddenly everything I had turned a blind eye to - your prejudice, your love for the dark arts, all the things you have been rumoured to have done to other students in our school along with your fellow Death Eater-in-training friends -everything became clear to me. And I realized for perhaps the first time, what you were, Severus..."
"What am I?" Severus asked, trying to keep his voice leveled, trying not to reveal the hurt and anger he now felt at her cutting words.
A queer sort of smile smeared across Lily's lips; it looked rather more like a grimace. When she spoke, she spoke as though what she said was a proven fact, rather than an assumption.
"A coward," She said. "You're nothing but a coward Severus."
"WHAT?" Severus demanded angrily, his mouth hanging agape. His whole body trembling. "I... I am not... If you knew what I have done... You wouldn't say...."
"I know what you have done Severus," She spoke dully, flatly, without emotion. "I have heard what you have done with your little friends and that's precisely why I'm calling you a coward. You don't have the courage to even think that perhaps what you are doing, what you pledged yourself to all those years ago, even before you and I met, is wrong. That the dark arts are bad.... You don't have the courage to stand up to your 'friends'... You don't have the courage to do what is right, it's easier for you to do dark things, to go along with the crowd and to act evil."
"You don't understand," Severus said urgently. He had to make her see, make her understand that what he was doing wasn't evil or wrong.
"The dark lord is going to make things better..." Severus tried to explain. "He will revolutionize this world... Make things happen that haven't before... I'm being a part of this to help the world be a better place!"
Lily took two steps away from the gate, looking at him with incredulous disgust. "If that's what you think Severus, I pity you."
She then turned suddenly, her long hair bouncing slightly as she stalked off. A few steps from the front door, she paused, inclining her head.
"I hope that you are happy Severus... Because if your dark lord does get his own way and ''better'' the world as you put it, not many other people will be."
Then she was gone, shutting the door behind her with a thud, leaving Severus hurt, frustrated, angry and to wallow in self pity.
That was the last time he ever spoke to Lily Evans. The very last time.
Author Note; I always thought that something was missing from the memory's Snape gave to Harry, a missing piece if you will, there needed to be a scene of ''conclusion'' between Lily and Severus. I wanted to know why Lily was so adamant in not forgiving Severus, so I concoted this scene... I have always wanted to write about these two and never have been able to strike up the courage... These are perhaps two of the hardest character's I have ever written, I hope I did them justice... Do not be afraid to give me an honest opinion, if you hated it, if you loved it, if you thought it was so-so, tell me! And tell me why! Constructive Crititism is very much wanted; flames are not :P
Thank you for reading!!