I know I'm suppossed to be working on Moonlit, but inspiration struck and I had to write this.
I'm going to ask for help in later chapters, and I already sort of have them typed up, I just need help deciding on things like names and how you would like for me to type the ending. You'll understand what I mean when the time comes.
PLEASE REVIEW!
November 3, 2012
I do not know why I live. Why I breathe. Why I continue.
In his absence, every heartbeat pains me. I think maybe that it hurts because I gave it to him. And now he's gone. So it's dying.
He's gone.
He's gone.
Forever.
I'll never see him again.
Never to hear the soft murmur of his laughter that so few were privileged enough to hear.
Never to feel the elation that came with merely being in his presence. Or the rumble of his deep voice when he whispered sweet words to me resounding in his chest.
Never to smell his ironically cool, forest-like scent.
Never to share with him my thoughts that only he really understood.
I look at the shallow creatures called people and I hate them. I hate their smiles, their laughter, and their presence in this world.
I cannot bring myself to look at my supposed friends. They disgust me too. I hate them.
Sometimes I dream of the day we met. Never before had I seen such a violent shade of red. I hated him back then. I wish I could bring myself to hate him now.
His scent is gone from his clothes and his pillows.
I'm afraid that I'll forget him. Things like the first smile I ever saw him make. The way his hair would start to curl at the ends if it got too long.
Everything I have of him is slowly disappearing, and I'm afraid.
My memories are fading too. I cannot recall how he walked as I used to. I cannot clearly remember the light, purring accent he spoke with.
I miss him.
So much.
This loneliness, it's suffocating. I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't feel.
I know I need help. I've spoken with a few people about it. Professionals.
They tell me I have to want to get better.
I don't want to get better.
I don't want to move on. Because I'm afraid that if I do, even more memories that I have of him will leave, fade, or disappear.
But it's happening anyway. I can't stop it, and that terrifies me.
They go down a black hole that swallows all thing that people have lost and forgotten, never to resurface.
Sometimes I wake up and I forget that he's not there. I reach for him and when I don't feel him beside me, I spiral back into the pit of despair that I fell asleep in.
I feel even worse when I think of how he would despise me if he were to see me now. For that reason, I threw out all the mirrors in the house. I despise me too.
It has now been two months since he died.
It still feels like yesterday.