It hurts me to think she's moved on. That she's found someone else to give her heart to. Or maybe it just hurts to think that I can't get mine back. Regardless, as I watch her now, it's killing me.
To say that I don't know where things went wrong would be a lie. That moment in the hospital, that single second in time…it started the entire collapse of our relationship.
It wasn't supposed to happen to us. We were supposed to be perfect for each other, meant to be. It wasn't supposed to end, especially not like that.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. DuGrey."
Rory was the one who pulled back, really. When she first found out, she was so happy. We were so happy. She told me, and, after a few minutes, the initial shock wore off and I was overjoyed. We were going to be a family.
There was nothing I wanted more back then. Now, as I watch her in that white dress, laughing at something her husband told her, all I want is to have her back in my arms. To hold her, kiss her, play with her hair, just as I always used to.
To have her love me again, like before.
After the doctor's confirmed what we already knew, we started planning our new life. We ignored society talk about us, an unmarried couple, having a baby. We agreed that an engagement would come in the future, but it would be after the baby was born. We wanted everyone to know that we wanted to get married because we loved each other; not because of another human being that wasn't in the world yet.
So we planned. It makes me smile, even now, to think about how happy we were. Especially Rory. She spent every weekend with me and Lorelai, picking out curtains, wallpaper, and clothes for little, as she and her Mother said, "Lorelai Jr. Jr. Jr." I was convinced it would be a boy, and stuck with "Logan Jr."
"And now, would everyone please clear the floor for the bride and groom to share their first dance together as a married couple."
Then the crash. I close my eyes as I think of the memory, from both the pain of that moment and from the pain I feel now, as I watch them dance together. She's smiling, laughing. She look's happy. She deserves that; to be happy. She deserves to be the happiest girl on the earth.
I remember that night clearly. We were in the car together, driving back to our apartment after a dinner on the town. I had one hand on the steering wheel, while my other was entwined with hers. She was leaning back on her seat, staring at me with a smile on her face. I glanced over at her and sent her a smirk. She blushed. That moment, those three seconds of pure contentment, are permanently stuck in my brain. They were the last seconds where everything was fine.
The last moment where everything was perfect.
The crash happened quickly. I found out later, in the hospital waiting room, that the driver of the car was drunk.
I never looked at a glass of alcohol again.
"Mr. Lucas Danes would now like to share a father-daughter dance with his step-daughter."
Lorelai, Luke, Lane, Paris, Finn and Colin all came immediately. They found me in one of the chairs of the waiting room, my head in my hands.
I remember Lorelai coming up to me slowly. I didn't look up as she sat down next to me, and put a gentle hand on my back.
"Logan…" she started, and I could tell she had been crying by the way it came out.
I didn't reply, I simply looked up at her, shaking my head. "This is my fault," I said shakily. "I should have been more careful. I should have swerved faster. I should be the one in there. Not her. Never her. I should've-"
"You couldn't have done anything, mate," Finn interrupted.
"The driver of the car was drunk. No one could have done anything." Colin added quietly.
I glanced at them, wiping tears off my face. I turned back to face Lorelai, who was looking at me with wet eyes.
"This is my fault. God, Lorelai, I am so sorry. If she…," I drifted off, not able to utter the words that could be the truth.
"Hey," she replied softly. "Listen Logan, this isn't your fault. This is no one's fault but that driver who is going to get an ass-kicking the moment Luke finds him. But it's not your fault. You have to believe that."
"But, she…the baby could…" I said shakily, looking away, more tears coming.
"Don't say that. God, don't even think that. I know Rory, and she's strong. She'll make it." Lorelai assured me, the tears silently running down her cheeks as she stood up to walk back to Luke, who had his arms wide open.
"And now, the mother of the bride would like to make a toast."
She had made it.
I take a sleeve of my tuxedo and wipe the tears that are running down my cheeks as I think of the doctor walking into the room, a look of remorse on his face as he looked at us. Rory's smile fell when she saw his face, as did mine.
"No," Rory had said quickly, and squeezed my hand, which I hadn't let go of since they had let me in to see her.
The ride home to our apartment had been silent. She stared out the window as the trees passed, expressionless.
After that, everything went downhill. She drifted apart, and eventually, let go.
I had pleaded with her, told her it was a mistake. I told her that we could get through it, that we would get through it. That she couldn't give up.
"Logan," she had said softly, arms crossed and tears pouring out. "It's just too much. I can't…I can't do it anymore."
I died inside.
"And now, I am happy my daughter has finally found her Prince Charming. Rory, I love you, and Tristan, welcome to the family. To the bride and groom."
I watched as Lorelai walked off the stage, smiling at her daughter who had tears in her eyes. I watched as the mother of the bride turned her head, and saw me in the doorway to the Dragonfly Inn, clad in my tuxedo. Looking around to make sure no one was paying attention to her anymore, she quickly walked over to me.
She didn't say anything to me, just gave me a smile, which I forcibly returned. She noticed my pained smile, and came over to stand next to me, as we watched Rory smile as Tristan kissed her hand.
"He makes her happy, you know," she said, without looking at me.
I nodded, although she couldn't see it. "She should be," I replied quietly, as we watched him stand up, taking her hand, as he lead her to the crowded dance floor.
"She won't talk about you anymore," she mentioned after a few moments of silence. I turned to look at her, but she continued to watch her daughter dance as she continued. "She used to, all the time. She would talk about how much she missed you, and how much she still loved you. But then, she ran into him again, and she stopped. It was like you suddenly disappeared from her world."
I sighed. "It's been two years. I'm not a part of her life anymore."
Lorelai looked at me with sad eyes. "Logan, she invited you to her wedding. You haven't left completely." She paused, as she watched me stare at the couple with a sullen expression.
"She doesn't know that you're here, does she?" she asked me.
I shook my head.
Lorelai sighed, shaking her head as she started walking back into the room. She stopped after a few steps, turning back around.
"Her eyes. They used to sparkle."
I looked at her, puzzled. "What?"
"Her eyes. When she was with you, they sparkled. They don't sparkle anymore." And with that parting comment, I watched as she drifted back into the crowd. I saw her walk over to Rory, and give her a hug.
I sighed, turning around to walk out of the Inn. I turned to walk around the back, where there was a beautiful garden. I sat on one of the several benches, putting my hands in my pockets and closing my eyes.
When I had gotten the invitation in the mail, I couldn't have been more surprised. Finn and Colin had been with me when I had opened up the envelope, and when they leaned over to read the card, all they could say was, "Oh."
Yes, oh, indeed.
I hadn't RSVPed, not wanting to come. I didn't want to see the women I loved give her heart away to another man, forever. The forever that was meant for us. Us and little Logan Jr.
"It was going to be a Lorelai Jr. Jr. Jr. I'm still standing by that."
I jumped when I heard her voice. Turning my head, I saw her. She was standing a few feet away, smiling at me. She looked beautiful, dressed up in a flowing white gown, lace veil placed with care on the top of her head. Her soft, chestnut curls hung down, framing her face.
"You came," she said shyly, never letting her smile go.
I could only nod, not expecting her to see me. She must have seen my surprised expression, because she giggled, crossing her arms as she came over to sit next to me on the bench.
"Mom told me you were here," she explained.
"Oh," was all I could muster up to say.
She looked at me, and I forced a smile. "Congratulations," I told her as I stared at a rosebush in front of me.
"Thanks," she said after a moment. "I'm happy you came."
I nodded, not replying. We both stared at the rosebush for several minutes, before she unconsciously entwined our fingers together. I looked at her when I felt the contact, and she glanced at me when she felt my eyes on her.
And that's when I saw it. Her eyes. They were lifeless.
They were blue, an amazing blue. But that was it. The life, the…sparkle, I used to always see in them, was gone.
She must've noticed me staring at her strangely, because she blushed and looked away. I couldn't help but smile when I saw her do that. I was the only who could get her to do that.
"I should get back," she said, and I nodded. She stood up, releasing my hand, but didn't immediately move. I watched from the bench as she breathed in the night air deeply, her eyes closed and a smile on her face.
"He…" she started. "He's good to me, Logan."
I sighed. "Good," I replied.
"Yeah," she said, nodding her head. "It is good." She continued talking, and I could tell it was more to herself them me. "After you, I didn't smile, or laugh. I was dying inside, and everyone was worried about me. But then Tristan came…and my smile returned." She paused for a moment. "I told him about the baby." I cringed when I heard the last word, as did she. "He was supportive and understanding, and told me not to rush into anything with him. That he would wait. But I didn't." She said the last line tearfully, turning to look at me. "I didn't think. I told him I was ready, that I didn't need to wait. Six months later, he proposed. And here we are."
"I'm glad you found each other."
"No you're not."
She couldn't think that. "Rory-"
"Ace," she interrupted.
"What?"
"Please," she said pleadingly, never taking her eyes off me, "call me Ace."
I closed my eyes again. I knew what she was doing. But I couldn't let her believe that I still loved her, no matter how much I wanted to. "Rory," I started again. "I am happy you found someone else. It's good you moved on."
"Yeah," she said quietly when she saw my pained expression. "Well, I really should get back."
She walked away quickly, and I thought I heard a sob, but shook it off as nothing. After a few more minutes, I stood up myself, and walked into the parking lot. I was about to get into my Porsche, when I remembered something. Quickly walking back inside, I went into the lobby, placing a small box on the tower of presents located on the floor. I swiftly walked back out, wanting my presence unknown to anyone else.
As I drove home, I held back the tears that were threatening to fall. Of course I still loved her. I would always love her.
It just wasn't meant to be.
Once the Inn finally cleared of all it's guests, Rory sighed, exhausted. She was about to follow Tristan into their room for the night, when she noticed a small box on the floor of the lobby. It must not have been noticed when her mother took the presents home to be opened the next day, before she and Tristan left on their honeymoon.
"Hey, you coming?" Tristan asked her, noticing her pause at the bottom of the steps.
"In a sec," she told him, and he nodded, walking up the stairs.
She picked up the box, and saw that there was no card. Curious, she opened it up to see a blue velvet box inside. Opening it up, she gasped as she saw the beautiful golden locket on a matching gold chain. Opening it up, she saw picture of a miniature ace of hearts card on the right side. "Ace" was written in cursive on the opposite side. She smiled, knowing who it was from.
"Hey, Mare? You coming?" she heard Tristan calling.
"Yeah," she called back, fastening the necklace on herself. "I'll be right there."
She took one last look at the package, and noticed a small card. She peered down at it, struggling to read the small writing that was printed on it.
Ace,
Keep this.
And I still say it was a Logan Jr.
Her smile grew wider as she walked back upstairs.
My first one-shot. Is it worth keeping? Tell me what you think in a review please. : )