Random Christmas drabble. For Lisa on tumblr. Hope you enjoy.
"Hey, baby! There you are! I was wondering why you didn't come and greet me downstairs. I brought you some of my famous gingerbread cookies, but I handed them off to Carole as I passed the kitchen, since she was busy cooking in there herself. Oh! And I also put your present underneath the tree for later tonight. I didn't know if you wanted to exchange privately or in front of everyone, but if you want to exchange right here I can go grab it. I just love the decorations! We all know Christmas isn't my sort of holiday, but I absolutely adore what you guys have done with the place! I'm guessing that was all Carole and Kurt?"
Rachel abruptly stops talking, noticing the expression on Finn's face. She frowns and cautiously lays her coat on his dresser. "Finn? Are you okay?"
He's sitting on the edge of his bed, his head ducked and all of his attention focused on the document in his hands. Rachel cranes her neck to catch a glimpse of what it is, but he finally looks up at her, eyes full of emotion, and flicks the paper toward him so she can't read it.
"Oh, hey Rach. I…I didn't see you there."
Rachel raises her eyebrows.
"I-I mean…sorry." He raises to his feet and walks over to her, brushing his hands anxiously on his jeans. Rachel eyes him warily—what is he so nervous about? "I just…I think I want to give you a present here, before we have dinner and hang out with my family."
Rachel nods and smiles. "Okay! I'll go grab yours—"
"—No." He gently grabs her arm before rubbing it lovingly. "We can exchange those later. I have another gift for you."
Despair flashes across her face. "Finn! I didn't know we were exchanging two presents! I only got you one! Now I feel awful! Could you have—"
"Shh," he says, giving her his crooked smile. "This present is different. Come here."
He grabs her hand and sits down on the bed. She stands in front of him, a small smile playing on her lips in anticipation.
He swallows thickly, growing serious again. "Look, Rach…I know that lately we've been talking about the future, and what's going to happen to us. And I know that we haven't gotten it all figured out yet, but all I know is that I love you. I love you so much. And I want to be with you…forever. No questions asked. But," he glances down at the paper, and suddenly Rachel's vision is blurring and her heart is pounding because she has no idea where he's going with this. "I want you to know that I never, ever want to get in the way of you and Broadway. Of you and New York. Of you and your dreams. And if that means that our relationship has to be sacrificed for it…then so be it."
No no no no no no. He draws a shaky breath and she squeezes his hand painfully hard. He can't be doing this right now. Not on Christmas Eve. He can't bring up her worst fears tonight.
"Finn…"
"However," he says, looking up and meeting her gaze. "I will fight for us. God, Rach, I will fight so hard for us. For you. I can't…I just can't lose you again. It'd be too painful."
Tears fall down her cheeks, and she fights to keep quiet. He lets go of her hand and softly brushes away the tears, though she can see that he is getting emotional as well.
He takes a deep breath and glances down at the paper. "Which is why…I kinda did something that I didn't tell you about."
He shrugs his shoulders nervously and she lets out a small laugh. "…Okay?"
"Well...when I was applying for schools, I was thinking a lot about us and how we'd manage a long-distance relationship and stuff, but then I thought to myself, why not try to go to a New York school? So…er, I applied. To a couple. And, well," he holds up the paper. "This is the first one back, but…I got in," he breathes, a ghost of a smile appearing on his face. "I got in to a New York school, Rach. And…if you'll have me, I'd like to go there. I'd like to go to New York with you."
Rachel can't even react. Hell, she can't even breathe. He's looking at her expectantly, probably freaking out because she's just staring at him with her mouth open, but she can't even process what he said. He applied to colleges in New York. He got in. He's going to New York. For her. So that they can be together.
She brings her hands to her mouth, because she just let out a sob that she couldn't contain, and she sees panic flash across his face. "Oh, Rach, I mean, I applied to Ohio State and other schools too, so if you don't want me to go then I totally have backup. It's just I thought you'd want me to be able to go."
"Of course I want you to go you idiot!" she cries, laughing through her tears and swatting him lightly. His face breaks out into a relieved grin. "But Finn…why did you do this? I mean, I helped you out with your applications, so you must have done so much extra work, and ….are you okay with leaving your family and your home and all that you know in order to live in New York with me?"
"Yea," he says, shrugging nonchalantly as if it is the easiest question he's ever been asked. "I love you, Rachel."
She quickly wipes at her tears, even though she knows they'll keep falling for at least a little while longer, and she gently holds his face between her hands. "I love you too, Finn. And I can't even begin to express how…how overwhelmed I am. I am so grateful for you and so thankful that you've done this for us and…I just love you and I can't wait to begin our life together."
He gazes up adoringly at her. "Me neither. So…was it a good present then?" he asks teasingly.
She presses her lips to his, and he takes that as a yes.
And as she melts into his embrace, Rachel Berry finally is at peace. Because, for the first time, she knows that she can have it all.