This is a non-profit work of fan-fiction based upon the television seriesDoctor Who. All related characters, places, and events, belong to the BBC, and Russell T. Davies, used without permission. This story, with all original content, belongs to the author, © 2007.

Impossible Things I: What Price?
by Orianna2000

"Be ever wary; let the paths tempt you not, for once the sands of time have fallen, who can restore them to the hourglass? And what price must you pay for disturbing the sands?" —Scrolls of Rassilon, Volume IV

-oo-O-oo-

I shouldn't have done it. It went against every Law of Time, everything my people stood for. But my people are gone, and I only had Rose. I'd do anything for her.

Even this.

I saw her let go of the clamp—so brave, my Rose! She let go so that she could pull the lever back into position, risking her life to rid the world of Daleks and Cybermen. I saw her struggle to hold on as the pull of the Void grew stronger. I watched as her legs left the ground, the Void's suction defying gravity. For a split second, I thought she'd never looked more beautiful... her hair flying about her face, her eyes open wide. But the moment passed and I felt my hearts wrench as her fingers bled from the effort to hold on. She looked at me, her face twisted in agony, and I could do nothing but scream her name as the Void tugged her inexorably towards the yawning pit of Hell.

And then she was gone.

I felt numb. The breach closed, healing itself, and the wind stopped. I dropped to the ground, making no effort to stop my fall. I lie there for hours, feeling nothing. Trauma, shock—I knew it was something like that, but I didn't care. Then it started to hurt. A burning just below my hearts, spreading through my body. Each breath took more effort than I could bear, each heartbeat sent waves of acid through my veins.

No... oh, God, no. Rose... my Rose... Oh, Rassilon, it hurt!

For the very first time since Rose had taken my hand and run with me, so long ago, I wanted to die.

How could I have let this happen? How... but, no, I'd tried! To keep her safe, I'd sent Rose to the other universe with her mum and Mickey. And she'd come right back, renewing her vow to stick with me forever. Forever... Now, she truly would live forever, just not with me. She would float through the Void for the rest of eternity, alive but unable to live and unable to die. It wouldn't take long for her fragile human mind to crack, not strong enough to cope with a sustained lack of sensory input. She'd go insane. And still she would drift through nothingness, damned to Hell for saving the world.

I should have let go. I should have let myself be sucked into the Void with her. At least then we'd suffer together. But I hadn't thought of it in time.

Time.

Time? I had a time machine... How often had I chided Rose for forgetting that simple fact? I could go anywhere, any time. I could go back! I could go back and let myself be sucked into the Void along with Rose.

No. No, no, no! Even better—I could save Rose! I could stop her from being pulled in. But how? As fragile as this spot was in the space-time continuum due to the breach and the nearby Cardiff Rift, I couldn't risk having two of myself in the exact same place; not in the same body, anyway.

I pulled myself up, ignoring the pain that rushed through my arms, and staggered about the room. There had to be a way, some way of preventing Rose from being sucked into the Void. What if I brought my my previous self here? He could catch Rose before she... before she... Don't think of that. Just think of him, grabbing onto her, saving her, while grinning and making some cheeky comment. He wouldn't have Void-stuff on him, he could do it. Would he? If I found him and asked him to help me, he'd know that I was breaking the rules. But, he loved Rose, maybe even more than I do. Of course he'd do it, for her! But it would be dangerous. So very dangerous. Suppose the Void pulled them both in? He wouldn't let go of her, and if he got sucked in, I would never exist. It'd create a massive paradox, made worse by the fact that he was me and we were both in the same room at the same time.

No, too risky.

I leaned against the back wall, broken glass crunching beneath my feet. I'd stopped the universe from breaking like that sheet of plate glass, but at a cost I wouldn't have paid, had I known. Rose... Rose, I'm sorry!

I had to think! I had to find a way. I closed my eyes and forced my mind to run through the options.

Only one thing I could think of had a chance at working without causing a paradox. It made me pause, though. Could I do it? Could I really...? It would be damning us both to a different sort of misery, butanything was better than having Rose lost in the Void. Anything.

And so what if I broke the most important rule my people had made? I'd flaunted the laws of the Time Lords for centuries, never conforming, never abiding by their restrictions when innocent people were at risk. Another law had been broken when I let myself fall in love with Rose Tyler. What was one more?

I limped back to the TARDIS and set the coordinates for a few minutes before all hell had broken loose. Everyone had been in the control room, so it would be safe to materialize briefly here in the warehouse. There were a few Daleks and Cybermen still about, but they were so busy arguing over which was the better species that they paid no notice to me. I stepped just outside the TARDIS and fingered the yellow button that would take me to the other universe.

Again, I had to remind myself that anything was better than Rose spending the rest of time lost in the Void, and so I pressed the button and felt reality fold around me. Less than a second later, the world unfurled once more, and I faced a deserted warehouse in another universe.

I had little time. They would be in the control room on another level of this building. I ran, and when I finally rounded the corner, I saw that I had timed it right—Rose had just sent herself back to be with me in our universe. Jackie sobbed quietly into Pete's chest, and Mickey stood with his arms crossed, scowling with grief.

"Hello," I called out, breathless.

"You!" Mickey growled, clenching his hands into fists. "What're you doing here? She just went back to be with you! D'you know that? She gave up everything to be with you... she always did."

"I know. I know that," I said, as calm as I could be under the circumstances. "But I don't have time to chat with you lot. Something went wrong—very wrong."

"What d'you mean? Where's Rose?" Jackie let go of Pete to confront me. "Is she all right? Is she safe?"

"No," I answered, my voice shaking despite my efforts at control. "No, she's not safe. I failed her. I'm here to put it right, though. I'm here to change things. But I don't have a lot of time."

Pete and Jackie looked at me blankly, but Mickey understood at once. "Something happened, didn't it? Something you couldn't control, and you came back to try and change what happened. Doctor, I thought you couldn't do that sort of thing. You always said that once you were in the timeline, you couldn't change nothing. That it was a sort of law. It'd cause a paradox or something, am I right?"

"Tohell with what I said! To hell with the consequences, and to hell with the Laws of Time! I'm not letting this happen to Rose!"

Mickey stared at me, his jaw shifting. He nodded, once, and our eyes met in understanding. We both wanted Rose safe. That's all that mattered. "So, what d'we need to do?"

I pulled a second extra inter-dimensional transport device from my jacket pocket. "You've got to catch Rose before she's pulled into the Void."

Jackie gasped, but said nothing. Mickey looked at me. "She got pulled in, d'you mean? Those clamps didn't work?"

I walked toward the wall, standing by the spot where Rose had disappeared forever. "Oh, the clamps were brilliant. But the lever failed. A Dalek smashed into it; lucky it didn't hit Rose. She let go to try and fix it. She—" My voice broke. "—she saved the world. But she couldn't hold on, she wasn't strong enough."

But I didn't have time to be sorry, or to mourn. I took a deep breath and let it out. "You'll have to stand right here and catch her when she gets pulled in. It'll be hard, because you've got Void-stuff on you. It'll try to pull you in. But you should be okay if you're fast enough. You've got to grab her and transport back here immediately."

"And then you'll come back for her, right? Take her back home with you?"

I shut my eyes and said the heartbreaking words. "I can't. Once the breach is sealed, that's it. Travel between universes will be impossible."

"But, Doctor—you'll never see her again! Rose'll go mad!" Jackie protested.

"Better that she be mad and alive!" I shouted, covering my face in agony. "We don't have time to argue. This is the only way! Dammit, this is the only way."

Mickey clapped me on the shoulder, trying to be comforting. "Let's get it done, then."

"No."

I looked up, angry and confused. Pete kissed Jackie on the forehead, then let go of her and stepped in front of me. "I've only traveled to your world twice. Mickey's been back and forth a few times—he'll have more of that Void-stuff on him than me. I'm the one to do this."

"He's right," Jackie said, to my surprise. "He's got a better chance than Mickey. So give him the controller and get out of here."

I mutely handed the device to Pete. He wrapped the chain around one hand, and moved to the spot I had indicated in front of the wall. It was almost time. I swallowed a knot in my throat and paused to glance back before leaving. They would take care of Rose. She would be safe with them, and she'd have the family she never had before.

"Doctor?"

I looked over at Jackie. As if she understood my hesitation, she gave me a small smile. "I'm sorry for this, I really am. But you did the right thing. Rose'll be safe. And she won't forget you. You showed her a better way of living—she said that once. You showed all of us, really. Don't you worry, we won't let her forget that."

I nodded. "Tell her... please, tell her that I..." But I couldn't get the words out.

"Don't worry, Doctor. She knows," Jackie said. "Now, go on. Get out of here before you get stuck and cause a paradox or whatever it is that will bring the universe crashing down around us."

"Right, then." I checked my watch and then pointed at Pete. "Wait thirty-five seconds from my mark, then jump. And brace yourself. You'll be right next to the breach and Rose'll come flying at you."

"I'll catch her, don't worry."

I gave them all one last look, Rose's family. They were all she had now. She'd hate me for this. But she'd be alive. She'd be safe. That was the best I could do for her now. I glanced at my watch again, swallowed against the grief in my throat, and said, "Mark."

As I turned away, I caught a glimpse of Mickey starting his watch. I'd have just enough time to make it back to my universe. I ran.

Once in the warehouse, I slapped the yellow button and again felt the universe folding around me. It seemed to take forever; for a few agonizing nanoseconds, I thought I'd been too slow. Then the world reappeared and the familiar blue walls of the TARDIS stood before me. I reached for the door; my fingers wrapped around the handle just as something began to pull at me.

Right—the breech was still open and I was freshly covered in Void-stuff.

The suction pulled me off my feet. I couldn't get inside the TARDIS, but the door was strong, and I imagined that I wouldn't have to hold on for long. Not far away, events were playing out just as they had before.

That damned Dalek collides with the lever on its haphazard flight into the breach, causing the lever to reset.

Rose lets go of the clamp so that she can yank the lever back into position.

She holds on, struggling, fighting, screaming.

I watch in terror as the woman I love is about to disappear from my life forever.

Her fingers stretch, then slip.

She screams and my world shatters.

But then, history changes. A heroic figure appears out of nowhere, knees bent to resist the pull of the Void, arms held out to grab Rose. She clings to her father. Then she realizes, and her head snaps up, her horrified gaze meets mine for one agonizing half second, and then she's gone.

Safe.

It worked.

I could feel the sharp grief of the other me, but it wasn't the devastating sort that I had experienced a short while ago. He knew that Rose was alive and with her family. He couldn't ever be with her again, but at least she's safe, and that's what is important.

The paradox formed as the Void closed itself. I couldn't exist any longer, because if Rose was safe, there would be no reason for me to go back and tell her family how to rescue her from a fate worse than death.

I shouldn't have done it. It broke all the rules.

But she's worth it.

Rose is worth everything, even...

Author's Notes:

This is my first Doctor Who fic, written to address one burning question I had at the end of "Doomsday": why did Pete jump to their universe at that exact moment, in that exact spot? I could think of no other explanation than the contents of this story. The quotation from the Scrolls of Rassilon came from my own imagination. And, special thanks go to Little Zink and duchessoftime for their beta reading.