Another Word for Desperate
„Go away," Sasuke said glumly. His voice was slightly muffled by the door between them.
"Open the door, Sasuke," Naruto commanded.
"No."
Naruto punched the door. "Come on, It's been days since you've been outside." Sasuke could really make him feel frustrated like no other.
"Oh? and how would you know?" Sasuke's voice mocked him.
"Everybody said they haven't seen you in a while," Naruto explained.
"So what? Just because I don't want to see them doesn't mean that I didn't go outside," he answered coldly.
"You know what? You're obviously not in the mood to talk, I'll come back tomorrow," Naruto answered, frustrated by Sasuke's stubbornness. He was just concerned for his friend, who decided to be a pain again.
It had been a week since Sasuke returned to Konoha together with them. Kakashi, the new hokage, used his power to fully pardon him. Naruto had been occupied with helping the efforts of rebuilding the village and offering support to those in need, and thus he had been neglecting Sasuke. He had been so busy and used to Sasuke not being around, that he had forgotten about him. Every day from morning till evening, he helped villagers or friends with their needs. When Sakura asked him about Sasuke's well-being, he felt incredibly guilty and went to visit his friend, who had been holed up in his apartment the whole time (apparently). Sasuke had moved into an apartment that was a five minute walk from Naruto's after his return to konoha.
"This Sasuke, even now he's so difficult," Naruto grumbled.
After his failed attempt at communication with Sasuke, Naruto went to Ichiraku, as he finally had the opportunity to do so again, after the war ended.
"Oyaji, one bowl of ramen please!"
"Right away. Which flavor?" Teuchi asked.
"Hmm…" Naruto thought it over, "it doesn't matter."
"Not in a good mood today? You've been so cheerful since you came back to the village."
"Yea, it's just Sasuke's a pain, as usual." Naruto looked at the counter, frustrated by his own inability to reach out to Sasuke.
"Don't let him drag you down, Naruto. Here, this bowl is on the house."
"Thanks so much, oyaji!" Naruto grinned at Teuchi, who smiled back amicably, and started eating hastily.
After his fifth bowl, Naruto decided to go to the hospital, to ask if there was anything he could help with. He wanted to see Sakura again, but knew that there were many patients to take care of. The hospital was bustling with activity, as there were people running around hastily and Naruto had to evade them in order to avoid any accidents.
"Sakura-chan!" Naruto said happily, when he finally spotted his pink-haired friend.
"Naruto," Sakura smiled. She was at the reception, looking through files. "I bet you want to ask if there's anything you can help with."
"You bet," Naruto grinned.
"You could help with cleaning up the unused rooms. It's getting a bit cramped in the rooms available to us and there are still many patients who have to stay here for a while," she offered.
"Aw, that sounds so boring," Naruto pouted.
"But you want the patients to be comfortable, right?" she coaxed.
"You're right," he conceded. "So, which rooms need to be cleaned up?"
"The seventh and eighth floors haven't been used for a while."
"Got it!" Naruto followed the direction she had indicated to him in order to locate the rags and other things he would need.
" Kagebunshin no jutsu!" He conjured his kagebunshin, as soon as he got into a part of the hospital that was less crowded.
The kagebunshin started running towards the room where the cleaning utensils were kept and each grabbed either a rag or cleaning agent. Naruto wasn't too enthusiastic about the work, but he knew that he was cut out for it, since there were a lot of rooms that hadn't been taken care of due to the war that were brimming with dust and he had the means to clean them quickly.
By the end of the day, he had finished only the seventh floor. Slacking off a bit had been inevitable, as the work grew really boring and repetitive after a while. After several hours, he let his bunshin continue the cleaning while he went for a walk. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, just listening to the noises around him. It felt wonderful to live in a peaceful village again; to leave past sorrows behind him. Life was truly wonderful, if there wasn't Sasuke, who didn't want to take part in the peaceful everyday life of konoha.
After some time, he decided to cancel the jutsu. When the memories returned to him, he wrinkled his nose. It was almost as if he could still feel the dust inside his nostrils, despite the mask he had worn.
The time he spent after returning the village was mostly spent with recuperating for a day and then there were mostly boring tasks, such as cleaning up rooms or carrying debris. There were also exciting moments, such as the time Iruka asked him to show the children how to make a proper bunshin. They had all looked at him in awe, when the whole room was filled with his kagebunshin. It felt good to be liked and needed.
"I wonder if Sasuke has eaten," Naruto muttered to himself.
While he had been socializing and having fun with his friends, Sasuke must have been all alone. But he could have done the same, a treacherous voice in the back of his mind whispered.
"That's not true!"
"What isn't true?" Kakashi voice resounded right next to his ear.
"Aah, you scared me!" Naruto exclaimed.
Kakashi chuckled. "You were talking to yourself right in the middle of the street."
Naruto looked around, if someone else had been listening in, abashed by his behavior. The people in the street just walked by him, unaffected by his outburst.
"Don't worry. I think everyone is already used to your behavior."
"Whatever," Naruto pouted. "I was just thinking about Sasuke."
"What about him?"
"He hasn't been seen by the others lately," Naruto explained.
"Is that so? I'm not really surprised. There's nothing here for him. He came back because of you," Kakashi said casually.
"But he has friends here, like Sakura, Ino…" he stopped.
If Naruto truly thought about Kakashi's words, he had to admit they were true. Sasuke wasn't really friends with anyone besides Naruto and Sakura and he didn't seem to particularly value Sakura's friendship. Ino was only one of the numerous girls who used to have a crush on him.
"I see you realize what I mean," Kakashi said. "Ja, I'm going now. Today I got off early."
"Wait! I have more questions!" Naruto yelled, but Kakashi had already disappeared in a puff of smoke. "What is he going to do anyway, he doesn't have any hobbies. 'I have many hobbies'? Yeah sure," Naruto said sarcastically.
He went to a restaurant and bought take-out sushi, since he already ate ramen for lunch and was sure that Sasuke would prefer sushi to ramen. When he arrived at Sasuke's door, he knocked loudly.
"Hey, teme, I got you something to eat, it's not ramen, don't worry," Naruto yelled.
"I already ate," was the short answer he was greeted with. Sasuke didn't open the door.
"Then you can eat some more," Naruto insisted.
He heard some footsteps leading away from the door, which meant that Sasuke was no longer behind the door. He kicked it in frustration. Even after five minutes of lingering in front of Sasuke's apartment hoping for him to open up- silence was all that remained. Naruto left a portion of the take-out food he bought for them in front of Sasuke's door and went home.
At his living room table, silently fuming at Sasuke's behavior, he shoveled the food into his mouth, barely tasting the flavor.
"After all these years, he's still being a bastard," he cursed.
When he was done with eating, he cooled down a bit and was curious if Sasuke had eaten what he had brought him. After he made his way to Sasuke's apartment for the second time that day, he noticed that the food he had deposited in front of the door was gone. It was either taken by someone else (maybe one of the neighbors?) or Sasuke had taken it and eaten it. Naruto strongly hoped it was the latter option. Satisfied for the time being, he went back to his apartment and decided to spend a quiet evening, reading a volume of icha icha.
Technically, he wasn't allowed to as he was not eighteen yet; practically, he got them from Jiraiya himself and no one bothered him for as long as he didn't read them in public, like Kakashi did. At one point, he felt a tear slip down his face, as he thought of the teacher he had lost so early. He had known him for such a small portion of his life, before this cherished person, too, was taken away from him.
When he was done with one chapter, he closed the book and put it on his nightstand. Overwhelmed by the memories, he curled up on his side. He smiled, when he imagined his father, the same age as him at the time, training with Jiraiya. Since Naruto had never properly gotten to know his parents, he often imagined how they used to be. The father he imagined was gentle and comforting, yet strict as well. Even if his father wasn't alive and he barely had the chance to get to know him, there was a soothing emotion welling up inside of him whenever he thought of Minato. His parent's sacrifice had taught him to truly value his life that they had died for. With a smile on his lips, he fell asleep.
The next day, he headed back to the hospital to finish his work.
"I'm almost done, Sakura!" He said enthusiastically, after he had asked one of the medic nin to tell him in which room she was working in.
Sakura smiled when she laid her eyes on him. She was sitting next to a patient's bed and put her stethoscope aside to talk to him. "Thanks to your help, we'll be able to move the patients tomorrow. It won't be as cramped as it is now."
"Yosh! Nice to hear that! I'm going back to work," he ran to the eighth floor, which he hadn't cleaned yet.
By lunch he was done with all rooms and went back to Sakura, eager to tell her that he had finished the task she had assigned him with.
"Sakura-chan, I'm done with all rooms now. I'm going for lunch, see you next time!" He was about to leave, when she stopped him.
"We can eat lunch together, you know," she proposed.
"That's okay," Naruto grinned reassuringly, "I bet you're busy. I'll go by myself."
"I'm not that busy," Sakura insisted. "I just need five minutes to check on one more patient, then I'm free."
"Well, if you're sure," Naruto scratched his cheek, "it's a date then!" He grinned. It was said more out of habit than a real desire to go on a date with Sakura.
Sakura whacked him on the head. "I never agreed to that!" She yelled.
"Fine," Naruto pouted.
"Let's go," she said in a softer voice. "Do you want to go to ichiraku?"
"Yea! Sure!" Naruto walked ahead eagerly.
After they sat down and ordered, Sakura turned to him with a serious expression.
"There's something I wanted to talk about with you," She started.
"Huh? What is it?" Naruto asked obliviously.
"Have you seen Sasuke lately?"
Naruto scratched his cheek. "I have…" if talking to him through a door counts as seeing.
Her look softened. "That's good, I just wanted to make sure you don't forget about him, since you've been so busy helping us and all." Her eyes looked at him meaningfully.
"Hey!" Naruto cried indignantly. "It's not like I would just forget about Sasuke like that! And you haven't been to see him either!"
Sakura averted her eyes. "I haven't, but then I'm sure that he wouldn't want to see me, anyway."
Naruto felt ashamed of his insensitivity. "I'm sure it's not like that and you've been really busy anyway" he amended. "You know he just never says what he thinks."
Sakura looked up at him and smiled weakly. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up, but I know now that there's no space in his heart for me."
Naruto didn't know what to say. "We could go see him together next time, you know?" he proposed.
"That's okay," she waved it off, "I still have a lot to do, now that I've recovered from our battle. It helps me, you know."
"Don't work too hard." It seemed as if Sakura was trying to distract herself from her unattainable crush.
"Don't worry. I know my limit, unlike you two knuckleheads." She chuckled.
"Hey," Naruto pouted, but didn't protest.
They ate their steaming bowls in comfortable silence, both lost in their thoughts. Naruto tried to wrap his head around Sakura's words. If there was no space in Sasuke's heart for her- the only female he ever got close to- then who would be able to worm her way into Sasuke's heart? Genuinely wishing for his friend to be happy, Naruto went over a few possibilities. Ino? No, her character was volatile as well. Tenten? She seemed to show not even the slightest ounce of interest in Sasuke. Hinata? She was in love with Naruto. He cringed at the thought of her heartfelt confession he brushed aside. In times of war, there was no real opportunity for him to properly reject her, as they needed her powers. During the Fourth Shinobi World War, Hinata had become one of his closest friends, so he resolved to properly reject her soon.
As he was unable to come up with any female that would be suited for Sasuke, he decided that the only solution was to make Sasuke see how great Sakura would be for him.
"Sakura, leave it to me. I'm gonna make Sasuke fall in love with you!" Naruto grinned at her determinedly.
Sakura sighed. "You're really a baka, aren't you?" She twirled the chopsticks around in her bowl. "There's only one person who is really right for Sasuke and it's not me." There was a resigned yet resolved tone to her voice.
"Who is it then?" Naruto asked.
Sakura stood up, having finished her bowl. "It's your treat, isn't it Naruto?" She asked cheerfully. "Thanks, I'll see you next time!" She waved and was gone before Naruto could respond in any way.
"Kakashi-sensei and Sakura are always speaking in riddles," Naruto cursed. "Another bowl of miso ramen as take away, please!" Naruto put the money on the counter. It didn't elude him that Sakura was purposefully avoiding his question.
"Right away," Teuchi answered.
Naruto made his way to Sasuke's apartment once again. This time, he tried a different approach. Instead of knocking on the front door like an idiot, he went to the window of Sasuke's bedroom, to try and see if he was in there. Sasuke was lying on his bed, reading a book. From the angle he was sitting on the tree, he wasn't able to decipher the title. Sasuke noticed his presence, and shut the book, before he opened the window and glared at Naruto.
"What do you want?" He asked gruffly.
"I brought you lunch," Naruto held up the bag he held in his right hand.
"Thanks," Sasuke said and reached for the bag.
Naruto quickly retracted his hand, so that Sasuke was unable to take it from him.
"Let me in," Naruto demanded.
"No," Sasuke said simply and he was about to close the window again, when Naruto jumped onto the windowsill.
"Just leave me alone," Sasuke said with annoyance evident in his voice.
"No," Naruto retorted. "Let me in," he repeated. He met Sasuke's glare with his own.
"Why should I?"
"It's not good to be alone all the time," Naruto explained his reasons.
"I like being alone just fine," Sasuke said curtly.
"Well, just let me in for five minutes and then you'll be alone again," Naruto tried to convince Sasuke. He wasn't about to give up, since he was already used to Sasuke brushing him off. Sometimes, Sasuke needed a little push in the right direction.
"Fine," Sasuke gave in and moved aside to let Naruto enter his apartment.
Naruto absent-mindedly handed Sasuke the bag and took in the interior of the apartment. There was barely any furniture and what little there was looked very simple.
"I didn't want the memories," Sasuke broke Naruto from his thoughts.
"Huh?" Naruto asked dumbly.
"My old furniture reminds me Itachi," Sasuke elaborated. He went towards the kitchen.
Naruto was acutely aware of the fact that Sasuke had just bared a piece of himself to him. Sasuke had just told him what he thought; what he felt. There was an odd and indefinable feeling inside of him, as he followed Sasuke.
Sasuke was leaning against the kitchen counter, eating his ramen. He looked at Naruto intently, but no words left his mouth. A few moments passed in which Naruto awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, being at a loss. Should he make small talk like always? Should he try and probe further; ask about Itachi? He was afraid that Sasuke would withdraw into his shell once more if he did.
He felt that the outcome of their encounter was depending on his reaction to Sasuke's words. Trying to stall a bit longer, he went to the window and looked outside. He turned to look at Sasuke again, who was still looking at him with an unreadable expression.
"Do you think about Itachi often?" Naruto asked tentatively. He decided to approach the subject in the hopes of showing Sasuke that he could help lessen the burden he was carrying.
"Yes," Sasuke leaned his head to the side a bit.
"Is it bad?" Naruto continued.
Sasuke closed his eyes for a second. "Yes," he replied again.
Naruto's heart was beating fast. This was the first time he had truly gotten Sasuke to talk to him and he didn't want to ruin the moment. Think, Think, Think-
"It's okay to think about him. I think about ero-sennin and tou-chan and kaa-chan. I feel sad, of course, but this way they will stay alive inside of me." Naruto said the first thing that came to his mind, remembering that he himself had been thinking of his lost loved ones just the night before.
"Hn," Sasuke answered noncommittally and threw the bowl into the trashcan. "Five minutes are over," he gestured towards the door with an apathetic expression.
Naruto nodded, knowing that their conversation was over. He didn't want to ruin his progress in getting Sasuke to open up, so he wordlessly went to the front door. He looked back one last time and saw Sasuke watching him from the kitchen's doorframe.