Helloooooo sorry for being away for so long. My boyfriend came back from college and I've been spending my time with him, barely being home. I just haven't had the time to write but chapters for sporadic and memoirs will be up soon.

In the mean time, don't hate me too much and if you're really bored read this.

NICK/GREG – GAY DON'T LIKE DON'T READ

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or anything else for that matter.

Sometimes things get so hard you just can't imagine going on. Sometimes there's rocks, boulders and mountains in front of you and the idea that going through all that just doesnt seem worth it, but there are those few exceptions.

Nick Stokes was exhausted, over worked, under paid, AND confused.

Not to long ago, Greg kissed me. Greg Sanders. Greggo. As you can see processing it is awfully hard to do.

I'm not gay, haven't been gay and never thought I'd face the day when I would question my sexuality.

I couldn't date him even if I wanted to, for one thing we're co workers. If Grissom found out, I'd be moving back to Texas. And he's a guy, but that doesn't bother me as much as it should. I've always, abeit sercretly thought Greg was cute in his boyish way, charming and you just couldn't not smile around him. He always smelled great too.

But it all boils down to this question though in the end, is it worth it?

Is Greg worth my job, my family, potentially friends. Is someone really worth all that?

This has been the question thats been going through my mind since yesterday, and since yesterday life just plain sucked. I've had to work doubles since the day before yesterday because of a double homicide, been yelled at by Cathrine cause' she was having a bad day it seems since she apoligized for it hours later, and got a flat tire going home. Now however trivial all that is, it just amounts to a bad day. To end it all, Greg plants one on me after breakfast and what am I suppose to say?

Now home, showered and a beer in my hand my mind is still confused. Staring blandly at the tv, suddenly I hear R.E.M in the background of a commercial and I think, Greg would like this, and it suddenly hits you. The only highlight of today has been Greg. The breakfast after working doubles, his comments, his laugh, that's all that had kept me going these past two endless days and you think maybe he's worth it all.

Maybe he's worth your family not speaking to you, being jobless and being friend-less. Maybe after all this time I can finally find someone who understands what I do, why I do it.

I pick up a cup of noodles and head to his house to see if his offers still up.

This was written at.. 5 am so there's going to be mistakes and run on sentences but a Nick/Greg has been on my mind forever.