Shades of Gray
DISCLAIMER: Don't own Yggdra Union, or certain people wouldn't have gotten killed. As I think we all know by now. Eheh.
Despite the heat of the conflagration behind her, Yggdra couldn't stop shaking as Milanor carefully shepherded her away from the ruin of the once-proud Castle Bronquia back towards their army. She could barely see, couldn't think—she could only feel. She could only feel the cold sweat on her hands as, even now, they tightly clutched the hilt of the Holy Sword, could only feel the blistering heat of the still-steaming blood that had splattered her dress and face and dripped from her blade, could only feel the sting of numb tears as they built in her eyes, threatening to cascade down her cheeks and never stop.
She could only feel the horror and deep, wrenching grief in her heart as the soft, pained voice she'd heard echoed over and over again in her mind.
I guess most people have some kinds of regrets in life, don't they?
Yggdra bit her lip and fought desperately against tears.
But now that it comes down to it… I just can't believe it's going to end like this.
Oh, God, it felt like her heart was being torn out of her chest. Like the last time. Worse than the last time. So, so much worse.
I mean… I'm still young. I thought I was going to have so much more time.
Her troops were cheering, but she could barely hear it; it was as though the shock was a thin layer of felt that had been wrapped over her ears, like some sort of macabre bonnet. Nothing seemed as real as that voice, the memory of the heartbeat she'd felt pulsing through the Gran Centurio as she'd fought.
I thought I'd be able to change things for my people, to do some real good.
"Hey, Yggdra, say something," Milanor was murmuring to her. "They need to know you're okay. I need to know you're okay. Don't flip out on us now."
She turned towards him, hardly even seeing the worry in his eyes.
I thought I'd be able to live to be old, enjoy the benefits of the throne a little. I thought I'd get to fall in love. Do it all. But… it all just seems so pointless now that my family is gone.
"Yggdra, talk to me," Milanor said, taking her by the shoulders and shaking her a little. "It's over. D'you understand? It's over, you don't need to fight anymore. Fantasinia's safe now."
I never thought… it would actually come down to this. …I… don't want to die here, but… if it can save my people…
I'd do anything to save my people.
It might as well have been her voice—that was the real horror of it. How many times over this long and hellish war had she had almost those exact thoughts?
I just—wish I could tell everyone how sorry I am for getting them mixed up in this.
"Yggdra?" Milanor leaned in a little. "Yggdra?"
Yggdra bowed her head. "I… I-I…"
"Yggdra, what is it? You've gotta tell us! What's wrong? It's over! You don't have to worry anymore!"
She let the Gran Centurio fall from her bloodstained hands, and buried her face in them.
"It was—it was just like Welheim back there, Milanor…"
"What?" He drew back half a step. "What do you—what d'you mean, Yggdra…?"
"It was like Rosary… I-I… I could hear his voice, Milanor… I heard his heart through the Holy Sword… I-I… I…! I always knew… because all that time, I saw, even though I didn't want to… oh, Milanor, it was the same! He was the same as we are! And I… and I…"
She pulled her hands away with an effort, staring up at her most steadfast companion since the war's beginning out of horrified eyes.
"Yggdra…" Milanor squeezed her shoulders, wearing a tormented expression.
She just couldn't hold it back any longer. With a muffled wail, she collapsed against him, her weight dragging them both to the ground as she sobbed into his chest.
"Oh, God… oh, God…" Wretched and grief-stricken and all but mindless with guilt, Yggdra shook her head as Milanor put a supportive arm around her shoulders. "What have I done…?"
"…Hang in there," Milanor said softly. Heedless, Yggdra continued to cry.
"Forgive us… oh, God, please… forgive me, Gulcasa…!"
:TBC: