Title: Raging Numb

Autor: CrashOverride

Rating: This chapter is PG

Warnings: This is the beginning. I need reviews if this is something I should continue or not. Please tell me. Enjoy. And this is all in Duo's POV.

Disclaimer: I don't own the G-boys. I am just borrowing them for a few hours. Please don't sue me. I have only a gift card!!!

Part I: The Diary

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Have you ever been at that point in your life where you continuously wonder about your heart? Wheather you are in love, lust, or a crush? Even through the war, the blood, the gore and death, the feelings won't leave. You don't want to betray your training and seem weak to your comrades. Though at the same time, you are agonizing over opening your heart to see what it is, that you feel for some one.

I remember when I let Solo in. It was a hard and painstaking process; I was so full of rage and pain. He brought a cure to my loneliness, along with Sister Helen and Father Maxwell. Then they were taken. I shut down. It was living life with a dull sense of pain. I was numb from the heart out. It became clear that many people didn't like me then. They would shy away from the silent depressed raging boy.

It wasn't until I began my Gundam training that I put up the façade of the bubbly, hyper active, smiling teen, loving every aspect of life. No surveillance cameras were in my designated room at the time, so I would not have act all that much. Only when in social contract. The only people who ever got a small glimpse of the real me was when I first met Heero and Relena. But then again that was but a glimpse.....an-

"Duo! What the hell are you doing on my laptop!" Heero growled stepping out of the bathroom and into the dorm room we were sharing at the moment, hair damp, white towel loosely wrapped around his waist, with beads of water slowly crawling down his chest and abdomen to the edge of the towel. My breath caught at the sight of him, before I quickly saved the file to a disk and deleted it off his laptop. Snatching the disk and stuffing it in my back pocket, I walked past him pausing briefly at the door.

"Nothing Heero. Just nothing..." and I was gone.

I didn't return to the room that night or the following morning. I had stayed in a sleazy motel room, lying on the bed with my eyes closed for the rest of the day, thinking. No masks. No jokes. No smiles. Just myself, numb and raging. The depression had dissipated long ago, but the numbness and rage continued on. Stronger then ever.

Before I returned to the dorm, I bought a simple laptop that I could finish my work on. No need to annoy the Perfect Solider and his love for longer then I have too. Upon entering the room I found Heero glaring icy at me, but he was not alone. Quatre, Trowa and Wufei all sat miscellaneously around the small dorm room, with similar looks upon their faces. Grinning madly, I set purple cased laptop on my nightstand and turn to the angry group. Putting on my façade.

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I hope you enjoyed and want more of this. ^_^

CrashOverride