Wildest Dreams

By Astra Angel8965

Disclaimer: Need I say more?

Feedback: Please? Pretty please? I'd love you forever...

Author's Note: Buffy's musings on her and Spike, post-season six.

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Strange, isn't it?

Spike and I... never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have been with him. Never.

It happened, ever since I got out of heaven, got out of my 'happy place'. He was there for me, understood what it's been like for me.

Then...

I was kinda used to his banter, and his 'help'. At least I knew he had that chip in his head.

And then suddenly...

Spike was able to hit me. He could strike me down without feeling a single tendril of pain in his head.

It was disturbing. It made me feel... not human. Not right.

Must have been part of Willow's spell.

Oh, please, don't get me wrong. It's been good since I've come back. I'm getting used to it; getting used to the routine again. But when I was back, everything... just felt so different, so strange.

Not right. Horrible. Dirty... I can go on and on.

As I mentioned already, Spike could hit me. While we were there at that abandoned house, I don't know what came over me. Maybe it was just because I couldn't take it anymore. Or maybe it was because I missed having a current love-of-my-life with me.

Or maybe I was just horny.

Whatever.

The point was- he had me against a wall after trying to kick each other's asses. We kissed. Then I lowered my hand and unzipped his pants. Of course, he didn't have any underwear on at the time. Then, things happened.

God, I'm so confused- Spike's an evil, soulless thing that would kill otherwise if he didn't have that chip in his head. Yet, he's different. He's smart... and clever... and handsome... and the sex was mind-blowing. Still is, in fact.

The morning after, I was so ashamed. I couldn't believe myself. A Vampire Slayer screwing a vamp? We must have been in some kinky alternate universe.

I slowly got through with most of my shame. Spike is mostly always there when I need him, and I can't deny that.

Even now, I'm heading for his crypt for some more 'therapy'. It's certain to be good, and it's something to take my mind off of everything.