We all think the moon is yellow but that is just an illusion caused by growing taller. Stay short, kids. STAY. SHORT. And while you have bricks stacked on your head, Think about how much you love our little town. Welcome to Sungodess Village.
Today the Village is being attacked by a pack of rabid scientists! Take cover, listeners and if given a choice between saving your loved ones and saving yourself then save neither and cry into your pillow until you drown in your own tears. More on this as it develops
And now for the news.
We all love to keep up with our favorite celebrity's life don't we listeners? I thought so! I don't know about you but I am a huge Allan Sutan Fan! And Guess what?! Allan has gotten a new puppy! This is great news! But it gets better! The breed of Allan's puppy is the mascot for the Sungodess High School football team! That's right! It's a long haired, Bostonian, bloody fanged Pug Dog! That's my favorite breed! He says "I uh… I got the thing to help me out. See...uh… I have a few too many kittens and… well… considering that they all have dangerous and highly contagious parasites… uh well… nobody'll buy any of 'em. And… well… see, I can't bear to kill the poor things myself so...uummm…" Then Allan started to shake and tears streamed down his face. He collapsed on one knee and held up his hands showing them to the reporters. "I have no innocent blood on my hands," he sobbed, "I never hurt anything. Heck, I'd never hurt a fly!" I think we all congratulate Allan on his new puppy and are excited to hear more about this in the news!
More news on the pack of rabid scientists has just come in! They are now storming through the streets and killing anyone who steps in their way. Currently, they are on main street. My former and now retired secretary, Pattie Ellis, is going out to Sandy Cliffs because they have a bigger grocery store and she had to get some dirigible plums which the Sungodess grocery store does not carry. She was planning on taking her usual route down main street. And...well…I got these texts from her
Hey Sally
Hey Pattie
So ummm have you seen all the traffic on Main Street?
No, but I understand that It's bad
Oh yeah! It's worse than bad Sally! Now I gotta take all the back roads! :(
I'm sorry Pattie. If u need anything then just let me know.
Then there was nothing for over 10 minutes. At 10:13 I felt a buzz in my pocket as I was sipping my morning coffee. I looked at my phone and saw another text message from Pattie.
Shoot! Sally, I'm stuck in the mud! I don't know what to do! gggrrrrrrrr….
Pattie u should call your husband.
Ok! Thanks! :)
I really like Pattie but sometimes she is just clueless! Anyways, back to the point Sally! So I think she's out and at the grocery store now! But just a warning. PLEASE BY ALL MEANS! STAY. AWAY. FROM. MAIN. STREET.
Now for the week's weather outlook!
Wednesday (tomorrow): temperatures will drop tomorrow and we'll all be happy for cooler weather! It will be a mere 145 degrees! The sky's predicted color throughout the day will be blood red and the chance of precipitation is 30% chance of acid rain.
Thursday: uuugggghhhh! Temperatures rise again to the usual 204 degrees. I hate summer and I'm sure that you all do as well, because hating summer is mandatory and if you actually like summer the secret police will show up in 2 minutes to arrest you. The sky's predicted color throughout the day will be bright magenta and the chance of precipitation will be 100% chance of certain death.
Friday: Still as hot as ever guys! It is predicted to be 213 degrees and the mayor of Sungodess Village says that it is now legal to walk around naked. "But!" she reminds everyone, "This is only allowed if temperatures are above 200 degrees." The sky's predicted color throughout the day will be coal dust black and the chance of precipitation will be 0% chance of anything.
Saturday: FINALLY! Even better than Wednesdays cool temperature, today will be 94 degrees! Now we know that autumn is on it's way! The sky's predicted color throughout the day will be lilac and the chance of precipitation is 67% chance of hail.
Sunday: We will all be forced into a deep coma so the weather doesn't matter.
Monday: FINALLY! Even better than Wednesdays cool temperature, today will be 94 degrees! Now we know that autumn is on it's way! The sky's predicted color throughout the day will be lilac and the chance of precipitation is 67% chance of hail. Huh. It's almost like Saturday has been cloned.
Tuesday: The temperature will be 157 degrees. Very close to Wednesday's temperature. The sky's predicted color throughout the day will be DEEP, DEEEEEP, deeeeeeeeep blue. And now a word from our sponsors.
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Ummmm…guys? Listeners? Ummmm….I'm feeling slightly dizzy. As I get my bearings, I'll give you the newest Ice cream flavors.
Hamster
Ladybug
Tree
Allan Sutan
iPhone
Quilt
Clock
Computer
Brick
Grey
Cloud
Angel
Devil
Light
Rocket Ship
Sock
Glove
Scarf
Pen
Pencil
Marker
Crayon
Mouse
Gecko
Paper
Void
Omg guys! I've been getting all these reports on the rabid scientists story and I've totally been forgetting to read them! Ahem! The pack of rabid scientists marched down Main Street until they reached the town hall. There, they proceeded up the front steps. The onlooking crowd watched without breathing. We were all worried that the pack would go INSIDE THE TOWN HALL! We all thought that they would attack our mayor and carry her off like what happened to the last mayor! But the scientists did not enter the town hall. Instead they stopped on the top step and turned around to face their audience. The largest scientist with the cleanest and whitest lab coat that seemed to be leading the pack said, "Thank you all for attending the annual parade of the crazy people in white lab coats!" And then, just like that, all of them vanished at once, into thin air. The unfortunate people who decided to block the scientists path, were not killed but merely stunned. The secret police's secret laborers are cleaning up debris of the rabid scientist storm. It seems that everything has returned to normal, therefore leaving me nothing to report about. And so, my listeners, ladies and gentlemen, I bid you goodbye and goodnight. I'll see you in your dreams.