Friends: The One With the Get Together
Disclaimer: I own nothing Friends…unfortunately.
Summary: Monica and Ross plan to throw a get together party for their father's promotion. Rachel falls for a marine biologist and invites him to the party. Phoebe falls for one of Mr. Geller's friends. Joey and Chandler meet two men that act just like them.
Note: This episode takes place during the 5th season, no particular episode. But, Phoebe is still pregnant.
(Rachel storms into the Central Perk, the coffee house, where all her friends are, running over to them, clapping her hands frantically.)
Rachel: You guys, guess what?!?!?
Chandler: You decided to act sane for once?
Phoebe: Psh. Like that's gonna happen!
(Rachel looks at Phoebe.)
Rachel: Look who's talking- going around and screaming you're carrying your brother's babies!
Phoebe: I meeeean, it's like it's going to already happen!
Joey: Nice save, made perfect sense!
Chandler: Coming from the man who has a naked lady on his shirt and a condom hanging out of his pocket.
Joey: Oh, I forgot it was there. See one thing lead to another, and….
Ross: We know the process, no need to share.
Joey: Oh, I just thought someone with less experience might want to know how it all goes down…I'm really just trying to be sympathetic….
Chandler: Because we all know how sympathetic you really are… especially to those one night stands….
Rachel: Okay, back to me!!
Monica: Oh, honey, what is the big news!
Rachel: I think I found my dream man!
Gunther (at the register): Oh lord, please say my name!
Joey: Now, did you actually meet him in your dreams, or….
Monica: Joey, shut up! I want to know who it is! I never get to here the gossip right when it happens!
Joey: Cuz' you were fat in high school?
Rachel: Joey, shut up! Gunther!
Gunther (looks up to the sky): Thank you!
(Gunther goes over to Rachel.)
Gunther: Yes! YES! I will take you out for an evening on the town, and-
Rachel: Gunther, I was going to ask for some coffee.
Gunther (embarrassed): Oh, okay... I knew you were going to say that… ummm…the 1,000th customer gets a night out on the street with the business manager…. (Rachel stares oddly at Gunther.)
Phoebe: Hey, you said I was the 1,000th last week! I want my dinner!
(Gunther sighs and walks away.)
Rachel: Anyways, his name is Xander, and he's a marine biologist.
Phoebe: First Ross, now this, what other scientist freaks do you attract?
(Ross gives Phoebe a glare. Joey laughs, and coffee comes out his nose.)
Chandler: Careful Joe, you don't want your brains coming out!
Joey (staring): Can that really happen?
Monica: Joe, it can't happen-
Phoebe: Sure it can, I've seen that happen with mummies!
Ross: Pheebs, don't you think that was a rather long time ago….
Phoebe: In my other life! Duh?!?! You know Ross, it's not just a hat holder! (She taps her head.)
Rachel: Phoebe, please, back to me…okay, so Xander is so perfect! He loves animals, just like me….
Chandler: Which is why you hit that dog last week?
Rachel: He, he tried to chew my purse! That was coach!
Phoebe: Oh no, Rachel….
Monica: Has he asked you out yet?
Rachel: No, but he's been giving me signals all day yesterday at the park. I was hoping we could plan a party of some sort… and I could invite him?
Monica (to Ross): Hey, Mom and Dad are coming over this weekend and they are expecting some dumb party for Dad's promotion.
Ross: Monica, their needs are not dumb.
Monica: Ok, they're perverted, like their need to do it in my room when I was five. I walked straight in! I was scarred for life!
Joey: Is that why you became fat?
Monica: I was not fat! I was muscley!
Phoebe: Which is why you could beat Ross up?
Ross: Hey, she was double my size!
Joey: Dude, that's no excuse!! You're older! It's like me vs. Chandler, the real man should always win!
Chandler: Thanks man!
Joey: Anytime!
Rachel: So, Monica, can that be a get together for Xander as well?
Monica: Fine….
Phoebe: Oh! I could be the entertainment!
Chandler: Whoa, Pheebs, you don't want to scare Xander! Rachel really likes this guy… (Everyone stares at him.) I mean, women have they're needs… I mean….
Joey: Dude, you're so gay!
(The scene changes to Monica's and Rachel's apartment where Monica is cooking and Ross is on the couch. Rachel later enters the room.)
Monica: A little help here!
Ross (looks up from reading): Oh no, I've been down that road. I'm and not going into that kitchen.
Monica: Oh come on, just because my face is covered with flour does not mean I'm a ghost!
Ross: Well I wasn't talking about that! But looks like I'll be getting nightmares again tonight!
Monica: Well than what were you talking about!
Ross: That time you almost cut my finger off!
Monica: Oh come on! The knife landed like four feet away from you!
Ross: Yeah, because I used my quick hopping movies to dodge the knife! I am a total Keanu Reeves! (Ross acts out the Matrix, leaning back to dodge the bullets.)
Monica: Well you were whipping the potatoes wrong!
Ross: Is that a reason to murder someone!
Monica: Yes!
(Rachel enters as Monica and Ross continue screaming at each other. Monica looks at Rachel.)
Monica: What are you carrying?
Rachel: Oh it's my new coach purse! Don't you love it?
Monica: Where are the decorations I sent you out for?
(Rachel reaches into her new coach purse and takes out one streamer.)
Rachel: Here.
Monica: You bought one streamer?!?
Rachel: Yeah, on your orders!
Monica: I have to go and buy some more decorations now! Ross, make sure the steak doesn't burn. And DON'T touch the potatoes!
Ross: Oh, don't worry, I'm not suicidal!
(The scene changes to a couple hours before the party, while all six friends get ready.)
Joey: I don't see why I have to wear a lame tux.
Chandler: Stop whining. You sound like my Janice. (Chandler cringes as he says her name.)
Phoebe: I think you look good, Joe.
Joey: Good enough to lead me to the bedroom?
Chandler: hey Pheebs, how do I look? (Chandler turns around and Phoebe cringes.)
Phoebe: I have the right to remain silent.
Chandler: Oh, the commandment burn.
Phoebe: No, it's what I tell the cops.
Rachel: Oh, I'm so excited for tonight! Xander… such a great name….
Monica: That makes one of us! I am so NOT looking forward to tonight!
Ross: Mon, come on, Dad got a promotion!
Monica: And you know what Mom's going to say to me? She's going to say, "Monica, this should be an inspiration for you to go out and get a good job! Ross has got one!"
Ross (Laughs): It's true!
(Monica slaps him on the head.)
Joey: So who else will be coming to the party?
Monica: My parents, my father's friends, Emily….
Rachel: And Xander! Don't forget Xander!
Monica: And Xander.
Ross: Well, everyone will be here in about a half hour.
Rachel: I should get changed.
(Its about 25 minutes later and the party is about to start. Rachel comes out in a long, black, silk, low-cut dress. Joey gawks at it.)
Joey: How you doin'?
Rachel: If that's your way of complimenting me, than thank you.
(There's a knock on the door.)
Monica: Oh, that must be my-
Ross: Our!
Monica: Oh yes, I forgot the little brat was my brother. OUR parents must be here. Everyone act normal. And Joey, wipe that chocolate off your face!
Joey: Oh! (He wipes it off with his sleeve.) Crap. Monica, look what you made me do!
Monica: Shut up! I'm answering the door! (Monica opens the door.) Mom, Dad, welcome.
Mrs. Geller: Well, this is… interesting. (Mrs. Gellar walks right past Monica to Ross.) Ross! It's so lovely to see you! How is everything!
Ross: Great. Ben is great. My job is great.
Mrs. Geller: See Monica, you should take after your brother! You would think this would be an inspiration for you to go out and get a good job!
Monica (whispers to Phoebe): The party jut started and I already want to kill myself.
Phoebe: How about I play some music to get this party going!
Monica: Phoebe-
(Phoebe goes up in front of the seats.)
Phoebe sings: It's a party. I'm singing as you nod your heads. But you see, my mother's still dead… The party is just getting started, it didn't fail. But that doesn't mean my stepfather isn't still in jail.
(Mr. and Mrs. Geller stare at Phoebe oddly as she sings. Just then there's a knock at the door and Mr. Geller's friends enter.)
Phoebe (stops singing): …and there's a hot guy at the door.
Monica (introduces): Everyone, this is my father's friend Robert.
(Phoebe smiles at him and flips her hair, whiping Ross in the eye.)
Ross: Ow!
Phoebe (whispers): Shut up Ross, I'm eye-flirting!
Monica: And these are some more of my father's friends, Joel Tibberni, Chase Bling, and Isabelle Denine.
Phoebe (rushes to talk to Robert): Hi. I'm Phoebe Buffay, but you can call me Regina if you want. I have to go sing now, but I will be back later, and if anyone else plays some music, you better save me a dance… except I'm the only one here with musical talent….(Robert smiles and Phoebe goes to entertain the people.)
Phoebe: Ok, this is a song I just wrote…in my head… I hope you like it. (to the tune of Smelly Cat.)Handsome man, handsome man, look at the pretty girl. Handsome man, handsome man, she's playing the guitar.
(Joey and Chandler go over to talk to some men listening to Phoebe's song: Joel Tibberni and Chase Bling.)
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler. Bing. Chandler Bing…and no, I'm not gay.
Chase: That makes two of us! I'm Chase Bling. And this is Joel-
Joel: Dude, I can introduce myself! I'm Joel Tibberni.
Joey: Way to stick it to the man! I'm Joey.
Chandler: Gonna say you're last name Joe, or are you afraid of getting molested?
Joey: Duh! I won't get molested, these are guys.
(Chandler makes a face as if to sarcastically say: Oh, why didn't I think of that.)
Chandler: Are you sure about that?
(Joel makes a strange face.)
Joey: Dude, what are you doing?
Chandler: Sorry, when my parents divorced I started using humor as a defense mechanism.
Chase: I hear you man! My mother left for another woman.
Chandler: Hey, my father turned gay!
Chase: Gardener?
Chandler: Poolboy. So Chase, what do you do?
Joel: Some freak thing with numbers.
Chandler: Hey, I do Statistical Analysis and Data Reconfiguration.
Chase: Me too!
Joel: Those aren't real jobs. I'm a model. Get all the girls I want.
Joey: No way! I'm an actor. But I did do butt double for someone once.
Joel: Niceee. Did you sleep with someone last night?
Joey: Yeah. You're way manlier than any of my other friends!
Chandler: Yeah, even Monica.
Joel: Wanna grab some steak?
Joey: Sure!
(Joey and Joel go to get a bite to eat.)
Chandler: So what movies do you like?
Chase: I'm a big fan of Miss Congeniality.
Chandler: Great movie.
(Phoebe is then seen singing her song.)
Phoebe singing: Handsome man, handsome man, don't be turned away from my stomach. Handsome man, handsome man, it's just my brother's kids.
Rachel: Where is Xander? I can't be stood up! I've never been stood up! Look at me!
Monica: Oh, someone's at the door, maybe that's him.
(Monica answers the door. Xander is there with another woman.)
Rachel: Xander! Xander! You came, is this your sister?
Xander: No, this is my wife, April, you said I could bring someone.
Rachel: Oh, yes! I did, didn't I?
(Rachel makes some polite talk with April. Phoebe steps down from the stage.)
Robert: So, you're baby, that's you're brothers?
Phoebe: Well, not in a disgusting way.
Robert: What way is that not disgusting? (He begins to walk away.)
Phoebe: Yeah well, someday you're gonna get your sister hopped up, and I won't be there to help you!... wait, that didn't come out right… oh, well….
(Phoebe goes over to see Rachel who looks gloomy.)
Phoebe: May I join you?
Rachel: Yea, you can join the loser table. I can't believe Xander is married!
Phoebe: Yeah well, this stomach sucks! You would think it'd be attractive.
(Ross comes over.)
Ross: Can I join you?
Rachel: What happened to you?
Ross: I tried to hit o that woman that's a friend of dad's… and I think I was drunk… and I'm pretty sure I mentioned something racist… while trying to get her in bed….
Phoebe: Wow, is that why you have a black eye?
Ross: No, I walked into a wall… twice.
(Joey and Chandler come over.)
Joey: Wow, those guys were so weird! I mean Joel, he has no sympathy for woman's feelings!
Chandler: I swear Chase is gay!
Joey: Man, I mean, I'd never want to be those guys!
Rachel: We all had crappy nights.
Ross (picking up his beer): I'll drink to that! (drinks) Wow, after a couple glasses you can't even taste it.
(Monica comes over.)
Monica: Oh, beer, give me some!
(Monica takes the beer from Ross.)
Ross: That's okay, I couldn't taste it anyway.
Phoebe: Crappy night, Mon?
Monica: I swear most parents try to brag about their children to their friends, my parents seem to think it more efficient to do the opposite.
Chandler: Well, I'm going to bed. (stands up)
Ross: Hey, wait up!
Chandler: No way, you're not sleeping with me! Wash out that beer.
Ross: Okay, I'll wash it down. (He takes his glass of beer.)
Joey: Not with more beer!
Rachel: I'll have it. (She drink the beer.)
Monica: Our lives suck.
Phoebe: At least we suck together… wait, that's not right….who gives a crap.
End Creditss