Innocence Imperfected
I can't remember anything when I wake up.
I guess it's a blessing in a way, or maybe I'm just compensating for the first time I ever woke up with all the wrong memories in my head. I don't want to be mistaken for someone I'm not anymore; I'm sick of pretending even though I didn't know what I was doing then. Maybe that's why there's always this time right after I wake up that I don't even remember my own name, because I don't want to remember any more.
I thought about asking Alex to help me erase the memories, the same way he helped me change my appearance so I wouldn't ever be mistaken for you again. But I've never gotten the courage to go up to him and ask; I'm certain he'd want to know why, and I don't think I can tell him. It doesn't matter that he won't get mad at me, I just can't tell him.
I wonder if you have the same problem. Are you going to wake up remembering the time you spent living the life I was supposed to have, following Forte and Dr. Wily around and doing whatever they wanted you to? Or will you forget the things they made you do while you didn't know? I hope you forget, even if I can't forget being you for those months. Even if I hate the thought of having taken a part of your life away, at least it wasn't so bad for me.
I'm glad Alex found me out on the bridge that night. He's been kinder to me than anyone has, or than anyone has a right to be. He sees his own problems in me, maybe. I have to wonder how much, since he hates(?) (I'm really not sure about this one) X but-but I guess he likes you, or tolerates you at least, so everything's all right.
Do you even know how lucky you are? Everyone-almost everyone-adores you. Dr. Light, Roll, Rush, all the Hunters-even Blues-everyone loves you. Even from the inside out you're still so perfect that I can't help but wish you the best. I mean, if they care so much the you they just happen to see walking around every day, how much more would they love you if they'd been inside your head and seen how much you care about everything?
It makes me feel worthless. Worse than worthless. I'm not deluded; I know I look like you, but I've gotten hold of my own schematics. Maybe some day you will too. Especially if I send them along with this, just so you know what Dr. Wily made when he was trying to clone you. Or maybe you'll just be curious.
I'm not anything compared to you. If you wanted to get rid of me for stealing your life-well, go ahead. I wouldn't put up that much of a fight even if I wanted to. I can't-I don't want to fight the way you do, and I'm not even half as strong as you are.
Not that you'd want to get rid of me anyway. You even care about Forte, though you know he hates you with every ounce of his heart. You'd rather he be reasonable about all this than hurt him again. You want everyone to be reasonable about what they're doing rather than have to hurt them.
They think it's a weakness. I think it's what I love most about you.
I may be less than nothing, but I can't let something-let someone-I love that much get hurt, ever again. I wish I could have met you, just once, but you're still in a coma and I don't know if I'll have much time to act any more.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to go find Forte. I'll try and convince him that I'm the only one left after two weeks ago. That you died the final death. Reactor unstable, memory too damaged to recover.that he killed you. That you were gone, despite everything anyone tried to do.
Maybe he'll believe me. I'm not sure. Even if he doesn't, I guess it doesn't matter that I don't want to wear the armor any more and I've forced myself to forget how to fire a buster. Not many people can survive being at ground zero for a fusion explosion. Not even Forte.
I didn't send this to Alex. Tell him when you get it-when you wake up- that I'm really grateful for all he's done for me, and to tell the girls I said goodbye.
--Kipp
PS: I guess you could tell that Alex gave me a name. I like having a name. I'm someone for as long as I've got it, at least. And that's something.
I can't remember anything when I wake up.
I guess it's a blessing in a way, or maybe I'm just compensating for the first time I ever woke up with all the wrong memories in my head. I don't want to be mistaken for someone I'm not anymore; I'm sick of pretending even though I didn't know what I was doing then. Maybe that's why there's always this time right after I wake up that I don't even remember my own name, because I don't want to remember any more.
I thought about asking Alex to help me erase the memories, the same way he helped me change my appearance so I wouldn't ever be mistaken for you again. But I've never gotten the courage to go up to him and ask; I'm certain he'd want to know why, and I don't think I can tell him. It doesn't matter that he won't get mad at me, I just can't tell him.
I wonder if you have the same problem. Are you going to wake up remembering the time you spent living the life I was supposed to have, following Forte and Dr. Wily around and doing whatever they wanted you to? Or will you forget the things they made you do while you didn't know? I hope you forget, even if I can't forget being you for those months. Even if I hate the thought of having taken a part of your life away, at least it wasn't so bad for me.
I'm glad Alex found me out on the bridge that night. He's been kinder to me than anyone has, or than anyone has a right to be. He sees his own problems in me, maybe. I have to wonder how much, since he hates(?) (I'm really not sure about this one) X but-but I guess he likes you, or tolerates you at least, so everything's all right.
Do you even know how lucky you are? Everyone-almost everyone-adores you. Dr. Light, Roll, Rush, all the Hunters-even Blues-everyone loves you. Even from the inside out you're still so perfect that I can't help but wish you the best. I mean, if they care so much the you they just happen to see walking around every day, how much more would they love you if they'd been inside your head and seen how much you care about everything?
It makes me feel worthless. Worse than worthless. I'm not deluded; I know I look like you, but I've gotten hold of my own schematics. Maybe some day you will too. Especially if I send them along with this, just so you know what Dr. Wily made when he was trying to clone you. Or maybe you'll just be curious.
I'm not anything compared to you. If you wanted to get rid of me for stealing your life-well, go ahead. I wouldn't put up that much of a fight even if I wanted to. I can't-I don't want to fight the way you do, and I'm not even half as strong as you are.
Not that you'd want to get rid of me anyway. You even care about Forte, though you know he hates you with every ounce of his heart. You'd rather he be reasonable about all this than hurt him again. You want everyone to be reasonable about what they're doing rather than have to hurt them.
They think it's a weakness. I think it's what I love most about you.
I may be less than nothing, but I can't let something-let someone-I love that much get hurt, ever again. I wish I could have met you, just once, but you're still in a coma and I don't know if I'll have much time to act any more.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to go find Forte. I'll try and convince him that I'm the only one left after two weeks ago. That you died the final death. Reactor unstable, memory too damaged to recover.that he killed you. That you were gone, despite everything anyone tried to do.
Maybe he'll believe me. I'm not sure. Even if he doesn't, I guess it doesn't matter that I don't want to wear the armor any more and I've forced myself to forget how to fire a buster. Not many people can survive being at ground zero for a fusion explosion. Not even Forte.
I didn't send this to Alex. Tell him when you get it-when you wake up- that I'm really grateful for all he's done for me, and to tell the girls I said goodbye.
--Kipp
PS: I guess you could tell that Alex gave me a name. I like having a name. I'm someone for as long as I've got it, at least. And that's something.