Hey there, this is my first attempt at angst and its really bad, but I have to say, Cat is definitely the easiest to write angst for... so yeah, i hope you enjoy it! this isn't a oneshot, its short, and its basically going to go backwards in time, like, the next chapter will be about her dad, the one after about the guy trouble in her life (a boyfriend, how she feels about Beck, beck and jade...) and the one after that about her mom, so like, its gonna probably be a four shot, and maybe one after that about how happy she was before everything. then maybe, emphasis on the MAYBE, a Bade-turned-Bat one about how Beck feels, and what happens when he knows its too late.

I hope you like it lots, please review :}

lovelovelovelovelove.

Disclaimer: i don't own victorious or perfect by p!nk :) x

She wears a smile to school like it's some sort of fashion accessory and she's trying to make a statement.

But in reality, her mom is dead and her dad is in a coma, and he cheated on her regardless thinking it would be fine.

(Oh, how incredibly wrong he was)

She actually feels quite lonely.

Sure she's got this whole other group of friends who she spends all her time at school and they love her, but sometimes she irritates them on purpose hoping they'll get tired and leave but they never do and she's actually kind of glad, even when she goes all out get the opposite of what she needs and quite literally gets the opposite.

So maybe she's bringing half this loneliness on herself, maybe it's her fault more than anything, maybe she likes it that way.

Now everything is falling apart and she really doesn't know what to do, she's worried that she will stop being able to pull off her ditzy façade and lash out at their friends when one of them makes a sick joke about someone being dead, close to dead, half dead, or in a coma.

She's convinced Rex Wants to hurt her, he makes sick jokes every day and it's only a matter of time before it's aimed at her. Then she'll lash out at Rex, but then she realises how stupid she is considering Rex is a puppet and lash out at Robbie instead, who she really can't bear to lose as a friend.

At school she always has a smile plastered on her face, and she still waves and says hi to mostly everyone in the hallways, and her and jade have taken to singing their little hearts out every Friday at karaoke dokie.

When she gets home she turns into this nervous wreck and cries at the smallest things and her and her brother just sit there and hold each other, hoping for some news to do with their dad but they never get any. Cat tries to seem strong for her brother, but she's worried god will take him too, but he says he's not going without a fight.

She is though, she wants to go in her sleep, and soon.

What happened to the days when Cat would be thinking about unicorns and puppies instead of wishing she could jump off the Hollywood sign.

She misses that.

Her friends seem to know she's not feeling herself, so they miss the old days too when Cat would buy something from the skystore even when they told her not to, and bring her new item in everyday, place it in front of her friends and attempt to 'wow' them.

So while thinking these dark thoughts, she gets up from her bed one night and walks to the bathroom like a zombie, picking up a pair of really, really sharp scissors and making deep cuts on her wrists, really wishing she hadn't watched the music video to perfect by p!nk.

(It hurts at first, but once she gets over that it becomes her drug, she needs it to get through the day, and she absolutely loves it.)

It was a joint effort between brother and Beck to introduce her to the butterfly project, they spent hours drawing designs of pretty flowers and butterflies up her arm in a hope she will stop cutting, it works too.

She'll giggle at the butterflies when she's feeling low, and she's extra careful in the shower and when washing her hands because they're just to pretty to kill.

But when the butterflies flew away, she picked up the razor and dragged it along the fresh, cut-less (butterfly-less) skin of her left arm, and she thinks it's pretty how the blood is almost the same shade of red as her hair as it spills down her arm and forces her eyes shut.

She can already hear the ambulances.

Hey again!

Poor Cat... i think she just died... well i didn't say she did but i practically did, so i'm going to leave that up to you entirely!

please review :}

love,

~ amy

xoxoxox.

p.s, the little notes in the boxes are just really carry-on from the story :)