Shane's Lesson
A fan fic by KillerX
Act 1
Bang Bang Bang. Shane was awakened to the sound of someone knocking on his front door. Not just knocking. Pounding was more the word. Shane was just about to roll over and go back to sleep, knocking or no knocking, when Ruby said,
"Aren't you going to answer the door? It might be someone important."
Grumbling, Shane got up. He staggered sleepily out to the door.
Damn right it better be important, he thought angrily. Who in the world visits people at 3 in the morning?
When Shane opened the door, a large figure barged right in past him. The figure took Shane by the shoulders and held him at arm's length, as if to get a better look at him.
"Shane, brother, how ya doin ya ol' bastard?" the figure said. Shane noticed that the voice seemed to be about 2 or 3 levels too loud for the circumstances.
"What? Who? Huh?" said Shane confusedly. He was still half-asleep, but he had a sinking suspicion that he knew who the shadow was.
"What Shane? You don't remember me? It me, man. Duke Kitna!" Of course. Duke Kitna. Shane wondered why he hadn't remembered. He hadn't seen Duke since he had left Boston.
"Yeah, Shane, you told me when ya left Boston that if I was ever in your area, to look ya up and say hello. Well, here I am ya ol'."
Just then Ruby walked into the room. "Shane," she said. "Who are you talking to?"
"Duke Kitna." Shane replied. Ruby had obviously been awakened by Duke's yelling. It seemed that everything Duke said was very, very loud. Shane wondered if Duke might not have had one too many to drink that night. "He's an old friend of mine from back east. I think that Duke here might need a place to stay the night."
"Hey, man, you're a real pal," said Duke. "I'll just take this couch here." Duke proceeded to throw himself down on the couch.
"Ok, great," said Shane. Shane had had enough of Duke. It was just too early. "I guess we'll see you in the morning then." Then to Ruby he said, "C'mon lets hit it."
When they reached the bedroom, Ruby said, "Who the hell is this Duke guy, and why in the world is he sleeping on our sofa?"
Shane replied, "He's an old acquaintance I knew back in Boston. Obviously, the part about seeing me if he was ever in the neighborhood was just a courtesy. But then, Duke was never the most astute of guys."
Ruby rolled her eyes. "I don't care. It is three thirty in the morning, and I just want to get some sleep. We can deal with our houseguest tomorrow."
So Shane and Ruby went to sleep, the quiet of night punctuated by snores echoing from the living room.
Act 2
It was 10:30 when Duke managed to finally get out of bed. He walked into the kitchen, where the smells of breakfast were beginning to emanate into the hallway.
"Morning Shane!" Duke said. "Sleep well? I know I sure as hell did! Who is the lovely lady who graces our presence this fine morning?" Duke asked, looking at Ruby with a critical eye.
"That's Ruby," was Shane's clipped reply. Needless to say, Shane was not in the best of moods after being awakened so early the previous morning.
"Ohhhhh." said Duke as if that answered every question he could have possibly asked. "Dare I say it, Shane-o.in love?"
"Oh Duke, you're such a juvenile," replied Ruby with feigned admiration.
"Uh, thanks, I think." said Duke, obviously not understanding. "Anyway, what's for breakfast? I'm starving!"
As Duke helped himself to a large helping of pancakes, he said, "Well, Shane-o, you are a good cook I must say. And by the way, do you know of any place I might get a job?" Duke said 'get a job' the way most people might say, 'get a taxi'. As though Shane were just brimming with job opportunities, and asking for a job would be only natural.
"Uh, well, er." was Shane's mumbled reply. "I think I might be able to get you a job at my sister's café. You'd be doing odd jobs and whatnot, but it'd be better than nothing."
As soon as he said it, Shane knew he had made a very large mistake. He suddenly realized that Duke working in the café would be like a professional wrestler becoming a flight attendant. It just wouldn't work. But now that he had offered, he couldn't go back on the deal.
"You can come down with us," said Shane. "You'll start working today, most likely for Gerta in the kitchen."
"Hey no problem!" said Duke. "You know, you're one of the good ones Shane- o? I tell ya, give ya the shirt off his back, give ya a place to stay, get ya a job, man, Shane does it all! You're like a superhero!"
This last idea seemed to strike a cord in Duke's head. He was nearly on the point of jumping up on the table and yelling "Super Duke" when Shane averted the disaster by quickly saying, "Well, if we going to be getting down there, we ought to get going."
Thus Duke came to work at the Flea Bite Café.
Act 3
Duke came in the back door of the café carrying two bags of groceries. He found he liked working with Gerta. He liked it a lot. Mostly it was Gerta he liked, rather than the work. But he figured all things came with a price. He decided it was time to make his move. Who cared if he had only worked there for 3 hours? What did that matter? In Duke's head it mattered not at all. In Duke's head, it was never too soon to make a move on the ladies.
He entered the kitchen, and who should be standing there, but Gerta herself.
This will be easier than I thought Duke said to himself.
"Hey Gerta, I'm here to fill your pantry," said Duke, relishing the obvious double entandre. To his surprise, Gerta simply gave him an icy stare. Duke slunk over to the cupboards. He turned and looked over his shoulder while reaching into the grocery bag. He swiveled his hips ever so slightly. "Where would you like these.sweet buns?" he asked.
Gerta's icy stare got even colder.
"Put them in the cupboard. Surely that can't be to difficult for you."
Duke went about his business for a few minutes before trying again. He reached into the bag and pulled out some cooking oil. "Where would you like this.oil?" he asked.
Gerta rolled her eyes.
"That goes in the cupboard as well Duke. Now please, get with the program."
Finally Duke decided he would hinge his entire plan on one move. He finished putting away groceries and then went and stood in front of Gerta, flexing his large chest muscles as he did so. "Is there anything else you.desire?" he asked seductively.
This time, Gerta simply slapped him in the face hard enough to make his eyes water.
"I guess the answer would be no," Duke said, rubbing his stinging cheek.
"Gee, what gave it away?" said Gerta. "Now get the hell out of my kitchen."
Duke obliged. As he walked toward the front of the café, he thought, Oh well, you win some, you lose some.
Act 4
Shane was walking toward his home. It was about 3 days after the ill-fated Gerta incident. As Shane approached his home, he heard loud music echoing from his windows.
That's funny, Shane thought. Ruby's not home. Wonder who the hell is playing the music in my house?
Just then, Shane remembered Duke.
"Oh, no," said Shane audibly. "What could he be doing now?"
"Hit me with your best shot! Why don't you hit me with your best shot! Hit me with your best shot! Fire away!" The music blared at Shane as he entered the house. He thought he heard voices from the living room.
He better as hell not be having a party, thought Shane. It turned out to be much worse.
As Shane entered the room, the first thing he noticed was Duke and a Pomeranian he did not recognize in some type of embrace. Duke really seemed to be taking the words of the song to heart. Mostly the part about hitting with his best shot.
"OH MY GOD!" yelled Shane, running over and snapping off the CD player. "What the hell is going on here?"
Duke stared at Shane vacantly. "Wassa matter Shane-o, you want a turn?"
Shane opened his mouth to yell, but nothing but a series of dull choking sounds came out.
"No, I don't want a turn!" he shrieked, finally finding his voice. "Get her the hell out of my house! NOW!" As Duke led her to the door, quietly slipping her 50 dollars as she left, Shane sunk down into a chair. "Oh my God," he said.
Just then, Duke returned. "Aw, Shane. Why you gotta spoil the fun?"
Shane gave him a look that was part disdain, part disbelief, and part mortification. "Fun? FUN? How much damn fun do you think it would have been if Ruby had walked in on you instead of me? Oh, I bet she would have bounced your ass down those front steps fast enough to make your head spin. Be thankful I found you and not her."
Duke gave him a look that said that this had never occurred to him. "Yeah, I guess that wouldn't have been too good at all. You got to admit though, she was hot."
Shane shook his head in disbelief. "Look, I don't care what you do with your paycheck on your time," he explained. "But please, get a hotel room next time. Don't do your thing in my living room where anyone could just walk in!"
Shane knew, even if Duke didn't, that if Ruby found out about this, she would go ballistic. Shane hoped that she wouldn't find out. If Duke could just keep himself under control.
Act 5
The final straw was the infamous party. This occurred about 2 weeks after the other incidents. At the strong urging of Shane, Duke had gotten himself an apartment. Not that the Stoic Arms Apartments were anything to write home about, but Shane figured that it was better than having Duke sleeping on his couch. The party was to be held at the café, and was a get- together for Shane, Sasha, Charlie, and all their assorted friends. Naturally, Duke was there. Not that he was invited, of course. Duke never got invited to anything. He just had a way of inserting himself wherever he could. Shane was soon to find out exactly why Duke never got invited to things.
The party had been going for about 4 hours or so, and everyone was having a good time. There was food and drinks for all. One of the greatest parties Duke had been to in a while, and Duke had been to a few wild parties in his day. Well, Duke had been throwing back brews for a good part of the party, and had by this time gotten himself quite tipsy as a result. Duke never had the best self-control, but when he had too much to drink, why, he just about lost any inhibitions he had. Duke had a way of getting forgetful when he drank. This time, he forgot just exactly who Ruby Gem was.
Duke strutted over toward Ruby. At least, he might have strutted, had he been a little better balanced. He wasn't staggering yet, but those around him figured he might be by the end of the party.
"Heya, bitch, howya doin'?" Duke slurred to Ruby. Before Ruby could turn around to see who in the world had called her that, Duke stunned her with a well-placed slap, just to the left side of her tail. Under other circumstances, Ruby's facial expression would have been priceless. She was a combined shocked, embarrassed, and furious at the same time.
Shane had seen the whole thing. It was his turn to be forgetful. He forgot that he and Duke were supposed to be friends. Shane simply walked over, not hurrying, spun Duke around by the shoulder, and punched him square in the jaw. He was on the point of really hauling off and belting Duke when Charlie jumped in front of them.
"What the hell are you doing, Shane?" Charlie asked incredulously. Charlie had obviously missed the exchange between Duke and Ruby.
"Damn Shane, that hurt!" said Duke. "What did ya do that for?"
"What I do that for?" Shane yelled. "In case you failed to notice, that's my girlfriend you just slapped!"
Duke's face was the picture of amazement. "Really?" he asked. "Wow, I'm sorry. I didn't know the bitch was yours."
At the mention of that word, Shane became furious all over again. He lunged at Duke, and probably would have done him bodily harm had Charlie and Snowy not restrained him. While this was happening, Ruby went over to Duke. This time, she was the one doing the slapping. For Duke, being slapped in the face was becoming a routine.
"Shane, Shane, I think you need to calm down," said Charlie soothingly. Then, smelling the beer on Duke's breath, he said, "Duke I think that you need to head home. Snowy or I can take you 'cause you in no shape to be doin' it yourself."
With that, the party unofficially came to an end. It seemed that Duke had finally gone over the edge.
Act 6
Duke was at the café working the next day. Gerta was amazed that Duke had the guts to even show his face in the café after the way he acted the night before. But Duke was Duke, and he never got embarrassed by anything. Around noon, Shane also entered the café. He walked over to Duke. Shane figured that it was time for a little heart to heart with his friend.
"Duke, how are ya?" Shane asked, sounding almost sarcastic. Without waiting for a reply, he continued. "Well, I have to hand it to ya Duke, since you've been here, you've not only embarrassed me in front of nearly all my friends, but you also alienated almost everyone you've come in contact with. You're really on a roll."
"Shane, listen to me," Duke tried to explain.
"No, Duke, I'm done listening," Shane cut him off. "I'm done with listening, giving in, forgiving, and giving out second chances. 'Cause it seems that every time I give you a second chance, I take it in the ass. So you know what? I'm done. I'm through. Finished."
"Shane, really." Duke tried to say. "I."
Shane gave him a baleful look. "No Duke, I'm speaking. I'm going to have my say. I hear that the other day, you flirted with Gerta and got slapped in the face. Gee, you're building quite a record around here. Then I come home the other day, and you're in my damn living room with a hooker!" Shane was nearly yelling now. He knew he shouldn't be doing this to Duke, but the Irish in him would just not let him stop now. "Then last night, LAST NIGHT, you get bombed at a party, and cop a feel on my girlfriend! Well, Duke, I'm sick of it. I'm tired of your antics, and, here's a surprise, I'm tired of you. I'm tired of you embarrassing me. I'm tired of you being so.so.juvenile. Right now, I'll tell you that my sister is seriously considering firing you. And you know what? I hope she does. I hope she throws you right out on your ass, because you are conceited, rude, ignorant, and completely negligent of others feelings and concerns. It's high time you learned a damn lesson, I guess the it's better to learn it from me, than from somebody who really doesn't like you."
After Shane had finished this tirade, he stood in front of Duke, looking him straight in the eyes. Duke had a sad, broken look on his face.
"Well, Shane, um, I'm sorry you feel that way," Duke mumbled. "Anyway, I, uh, was thinking of catching the next flight back to Boston, you know, the East Coast, I just can't stay away, heh, heh." Duke tried to sound upbeat, but came off sounding very flat. "So, I guess I'll see you around. Later Shane-o." With that Duke walked out the door.
Shane sat down. He simply sat there in stunned silence for what must have been five minutes. He had expected Duke to do something. Get mad, yell, and swear, yeah, he expected that. Walk out the door catching the next flight back to Boston was not what he had expected. Then Shane realized what he had done. It seemed like Jimeny Cricket was slapping him upside the head and yelling, 'You idiot, that was your friend you just yelled at!' Shane ran out into the street, looking for Duke. He did not find him. He checked the Stoic Arms Apartments, but Duke was nowhere to be found. He didn't hear again from Duke until he received a letter from Boston.
Act 7
The letter came in the mail almost a full month after Duke had left San Francisco. Shane had almost given up on ever hearing from him again, and felt rather bad about it for at least a week. He couldn't help feeling that it was his fault, and in all probability, it was. Then the letter came. It was mailed in a simple white envelope, but was postmarked from Boston. Shane knew who it was from without even opening it. Hurriedly, he tore the envelope open and took out a single sheet of paper. On it was this letter written in Duke's strangely artistic scrawl.
Dear Shane-o,
How are ya? Hope you're having a great ol' time back in San Fran. Things are going great here in Boston. Me and the old gang all miss ya. But enough with the small talk. Let's get right down to cases here, ol' boy. The reason I'm writing this is to tell you that, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I know the way I acted was immature, childish, and just plain stupid. I realize that I hurt your feelings with the way I acted, and, if it makes you feel any better, you hurt me too with the way you talked to me the day I left. If I could have it to do over again, I would change a lot of what I did, and I know you would take back some of the things you said. But let's not dwell on the past. What's done is done. We don't have to talk about such bad things. On the plane ride home, I got to realize something Shane-o. This is gonna sound really sappy, but I realized I didn't like Duke anymore. I was sick of the way I was acting as well. So I decided to change. And guess what? I like me now, and my friends like me now too. Jesus, that sounds wimpy, but that's the way it goes. I just can't explain it any other way. For the first time in my life, I have a job that I could hold for more than two weeks. And check this, I have a girlfriend! Yeah, I even found time for a meaningful relationship. Man, she is a hotty! She is the best, and brings out the best in me. I sent a picture of us with my letter, what do you think? Heh, I might even ask her to marry me. Think of that one Shane. That old bastard Duke settling down. Wild, eh? Also, tell Snowy to keep after Gerta, she is worth it in my opinion. Anyway, I don't mean to take up too much of your time, I just wanted to check in with you, and tell you that I'm sorry. I also wanted to say, that, as much as it hurts, I don't think I'll be visiting or writing again. I just don't think that it would be a good plan. We would only start dwelling on the past, and I know that can't be good for either of us. I hope you understand, but even if you don't, I think that this is the best way. If it works out though, I will send ya pictures of the wedding, and any subsequent family. However it works though, hang in there, and have a good one.
Your Friend,
Duke Kitna
P.S. There is no need to send anything back to me. At least, there is no need to apologize on your part. I already know, and I understand. You don't need forgiveness, because I already forgive you and I understand.
Inside the envelope was a simple snapshot of Duke with his arm around a very beautiful Dalmatian.
Wow, thought Shane. Duke really hit the jackpot on this one. Well, couldn't be happier for him.
Shane thought of Duke at a wedding. That alone brought a smile to his face. He thought of all Duke had to say. He had never known Duke to say so much, or to eat so many words. He felt he would show the letter to Ruby. She was a good dog, and this would show her that Duke truly was a class act. 'I understand' the letter had said. Shane found that the most touching of all. After all, Duke was, despite all his flaws, a great dog, and an even better friend. Shane was happy just to know him. And then, the words of an old song occurred to him. He paraphrased them slightly for Duke.
"And Duke my friend,
Above all the rest,
I miss you the most,
I loved you the best.
And every day now,
I thank God I was blessed,
Just to know you."
Of course, that wasn't necessarily true, but Shane felt that they were accurate enough. Oh yes, for Duke, the lyrics were correct enough, because Shane realized in that moment, that Duke was a good friend, possibly a great friend. Maybe even a best friend. But who knows? Duke was gone now, and Shane felt as though a large part of himself were missing.
Damn, thought Shane, almost angrily, you didn't even know the guy was alive until 2 months ago. Quit being such a baby!
But he couldn't because Duke's words were touching, and deep down, no matter what he though or believed, he realized that Duke meant them.
A fan fic by KillerX
Act 1
Bang Bang Bang. Shane was awakened to the sound of someone knocking on his front door. Not just knocking. Pounding was more the word. Shane was just about to roll over and go back to sleep, knocking or no knocking, when Ruby said,
"Aren't you going to answer the door? It might be someone important."
Grumbling, Shane got up. He staggered sleepily out to the door.
Damn right it better be important, he thought angrily. Who in the world visits people at 3 in the morning?
When Shane opened the door, a large figure barged right in past him. The figure took Shane by the shoulders and held him at arm's length, as if to get a better look at him.
"Shane, brother, how ya doin ya ol' bastard?" the figure said. Shane noticed that the voice seemed to be about 2 or 3 levels too loud for the circumstances.
"What? Who? Huh?" said Shane confusedly. He was still half-asleep, but he had a sinking suspicion that he knew who the shadow was.
"What Shane? You don't remember me? It me, man. Duke Kitna!" Of course. Duke Kitna. Shane wondered why he hadn't remembered. He hadn't seen Duke since he had left Boston.
"Yeah, Shane, you told me when ya left Boston that if I was ever in your area, to look ya up and say hello. Well, here I am ya ol'."
Just then Ruby walked into the room. "Shane," she said. "Who are you talking to?"
"Duke Kitna." Shane replied. Ruby had obviously been awakened by Duke's yelling. It seemed that everything Duke said was very, very loud. Shane wondered if Duke might not have had one too many to drink that night. "He's an old friend of mine from back east. I think that Duke here might need a place to stay the night."
"Hey, man, you're a real pal," said Duke. "I'll just take this couch here." Duke proceeded to throw himself down on the couch.
"Ok, great," said Shane. Shane had had enough of Duke. It was just too early. "I guess we'll see you in the morning then." Then to Ruby he said, "C'mon lets hit it."
When they reached the bedroom, Ruby said, "Who the hell is this Duke guy, and why in the world is he sleeping on our sofa?"
Shane replied, "He's an old acquaintance I knew back in Boston. Obviously, the part about seeing me if he was ever in the neighborhood was just a courtesy. But then, Duke was never the most astute of guys."
Ruby rolled her eyes. "I don't care. It is three thirty in the morning, and I just want to get some sleep. We can deal with our houseguest tomorrow."
So Shane and Ruby went to sleep, the quiet of night punctuated by snores echoing from the living room.
Act 2
It was 10:30 when Duke managed to finally get out of bed. He walked into the kitchen, where the smells of breakfast were beginning to emanate into the hallway.
"Morning Shane!" Duke said. "Sleep well? I know I sure as hell did! Who is the lovely lady who graces our presence this fine morning?" Duke asked, looking at Ruby with a critical eye.
"That's Ruby," was Shane's clipped reply. Needless to say, Shane was not in the best of moods after being awakened so early the previous morning.
"Ohhhhh." said Duke as if that answered every question he could have possibly asked. "Dare I say it, Shane-o.in love?"
"Oh Duke, you're such a juvenile," replied Ruby with feigned admiration.
"Uh, thanks, I think." said Duke, obviously not understanding. "Anyway, what's for breakfast? I'm starving!"
As Duke helped himself to a large helping of pancakes, he said, "Well, Shane-o, you are a good cook I must say. And by the way, do you know of any place I might get a job?" Duke said 'get a job' the way most people might say, 'get a taxi'. As though Shane were just brimming with job opportunities, and asking for a job would be only natural.
"Uh, well, er." was Shane's mumbled reply. "I think I might be able to get you a job at my sister's café. You'd be doing odd jobs and whatnot, but it'd be better than nothing."
As soon as he said it, Shane knew he had made a very large mistake. He suddenly realized that Duke working in the café would be like a professional wrestler becoming a flight attendant. It just wouldn't work. But now that he had offered, he couldn't go back on the deal.
"You can come down with us," said Shane. "You'll start working today, most likely for Gerta in the kitchen."
"Hey no problem!" said Duke. "You know, you're one of the good ones Shane- o? I tell ya, give ya the shirt off his back, give ya a place to stay, get ya a job, man, Shane does it all! You're like a superhero!"
This last idea seemed to strike a cord in Duke's head. He was nearly on the point of jumping up on the table and yelling "Super Duke" when Shane averted the disaster by quickly saying, "Well, if we going to be getting down there, we ought to get going."
Thus Duke came to work at the Flea Bite Café.
Act 3
Duke came in the back door of the café carrying two bags of groceries. He found he liked working with Gerta. He liked it a lot. Mostly it was Gerta he liked, rather than the work. But he figured all things came with a price. He decided it was time to make his move. Who cared if he had only worked there for 3 hours? What did that matter? In Duke's head it mattered not at all. In Duke's head, it was never too soon to make a move on the ladies.
He entered the kitchen, and who should be standing there, but Gerta herself.
This will be easier than I thought Duke said to himself.
"Hey Gerta, I'm here to fill your pantry," said Duke, relishing the obvious double entandre. To his surprise, Gerta simply gave him an icy stare. Duke slunk over to the cupboards. He turned and looked over his shoulder while reaching into the grocery bag. He swiveled his hips ever so slightly. "Where would you like these.sweet buns?" he asked.
Gerta's icy stare got even colder.
"Put them in the cupboard. Surely that can't be to difficult for you."
Duke went about his business for a few minutes before trying again. He reached into the bag and pulled out some cooking oil. "Where would you like this.oil?" he asked.
Gerta rolled her eyes.
"That goes in the cupboard as well Duke. Now please, get with the program."
Finally Duke decided he would hinge his entire plan on one move. He finished putting away groceries and then went and stood in front of Gerta, flexing his large chest muscles as he did so. "Is there anything else you.desire?" he asked seductively.
This time, Gerta simply slapped him in the face hard enough to make his eyes water.
"I guess the answer would be no," Duke said, rubbing his stinging cheek.
"Gee, what gave it away?" said Gerta. "Now get the hell out of my kitchen."
Duke obliged. As he walked toward the front of the café, he thought, Oh well, you win some, you lose some.
Act 4
Shane was walking toward his home. It was about 3 days after the ill-fated Gerta incident. As Shane approached his home, he heard loud music echoing from his windows.
That's funny, Shane thought. Ruby's not home. Wonder who the hell is playing the music in my house?
Just then, Shane remembered Duke.
"Oh, no," said Shane audibly. "What could he be doing now?"
"Hit me with your best shot! Why don't you hit me with your best shot! Hit me with your best shot! Fire away!" The music blared at Shane as he entered the house. He thought he heard voices from the living room.
He better as hell not be having a party, thought Shane. It turned out to be much worse.
As Shane entered the room, the first thing he noticed was Duke and a Pomeranian he did not recognize in some type of embrace. Duke really seemed to be taking the words of the song to heart. Mostly the part about hitting with his best shot.
"OH MY GOD!" yelled Shane, running over and snapping off the CD player. "What the hell is going on here?"
Duke stared at Shane vacantly. "Wassa matter Shane-o, you want a turn?"
Shane opened his mouth to yell, but nothing but a series of dull choking sounds came out.
"No, I don't want a turn!" he shrieked, finally finding his voice. "Get her the hell out of my house! NOW!" As Duke led her to the door, quietly slipping her 50 dollars as she left, Shane sunk down into a chair. "Oh my God," he said.
Just then, Duke returned. "Aw, Shane. Why you gotta spoil the fun?"
Shane gave him a look that was part disdain, part disbelief, and part mortification. "Fun? FUN? How much damn fun do you think it would have been if Ruby had walked in on you instead of me? Oh, I bet she would have bounced your ass down those front steps fast enough to make your head spin. Be thankful I found you and not her."
Duke gave him a look that said that this had never occurred to him. "Yeah, I guess that wouldn't have been too good at all. You got to admit though, she was hot."
Shane shook his head in disbelief. "Look, I don't care what you do with your paycheck on your time," he explained. "But please, get a hotel room next time. Don't do your thing in my living room where anyone could just walk in!"
Shane knew, even if Duke didn't, that if Ruby found out about this, she would go ballistic. Shane hoped that she wouldn't find out. If Duke could just keep himself under control.
Act 5
The final straw was the infamous party. This occurred about 2 weeks after the other incidents. At the strong urging of Shane, Duke had gotten himself an apartment. Not that the Stoic Arms Apartments were anything to write home about, but Shane figured that it was better than having Duke sleeping on his couch. The party was to be held at the café, and was a get- together for Shane, Sasha, Charlie, and all their assorted friends. Naturally, Duke was there. Not that he was invited, of course. Duke never got invited to anything. He just had a way of inserting himself wherever he could. Shane was soon to find out exactly why Duke never got invited to things.
The party had been going for about 4 hours or so, and everyone was having a good time. There was food and drinks for all. One of the greatest parties Duke had been to in a while, and Duke had been to a few wild parties in his day. Well, Duke had been throwing back brews for a good part of the party, and had by this time gotten himself quite tipsy as a result. Duke never had the best self-control, but when he had too much to drink, why, he just about lost any inhibitions he had. Duke had a way of getting forgetful when he drank. This time, he forgot just exactly who Ruby Gem was.
Duke strutted over toward Ruby. At least, he might have strutted, had he been a little better balanced. He wasn't staggering yet, but those around him figured he might be by the end of the party.
"Heya, bitch, howya doin'?" Duke slurred to Ruby. Before Ruby could turn around to see who in the world had called her that, Duke stunned her with a well-placed slap, just to the left side of her tail. Under other circumstances, Ruby's facial expression would have been priceless. She was a combined shocked, embarrassed, and furious at the same time.
Shane had seen the whole thing. It was his turn to be forgetful. He forgot that he and Duke were supposed to be friends. Shane simply walked over, not hurrying, spun Duke around by the shoulder, and punched him square in the jaw. He was on the point of really hauling off and belting Duke when Charlie jumped in front of them.
"What the hell are you doing, Shane?" Charlie asked incredulously. Charlie had obviously missed the exchange between Duke and Ruby.
"Damn Shane, that hurt!" said Duke. "What did ya do that for?"
"What I do that for?" Shane yelled. "In case you failed to notice, that's my girlfriend you just slapped!"
Duke's face was the picture of amazement. "Really?" he asked. "Wow, I'm sorry. I didn't know the bitch was yours."
At the mention of that word, Shane became furious all over again. He lunged at Duke, and probably would have done him bodily harm had Charlie and Snowy not restrained him. While this was happening, Ruby went over to Duke. This time, she was the one doing the slapping. For Duke, being slapped in the face was becoming a routine.
"Shane, Shane, I think you need to calm down," said Charlie soothingly. Then, smelling the beer on Duke's breath, he said, "Duke I think that you need to head home. Snowy or I can take you 'cause you in no shape to be doin' it yourself."
With that, the party unofficially came to an end. It seemed that Duke had finally gone over the edge.
Act 6
Duke was at the café working the next day. Gerta was amazed that Duke had the guts to even show his face in the café after the way he acted the night before. But Duke was Duke, and he never got embarrassed by anything. Around noon, Shane also entered the café. He walked over to Duke. Shane figured that it was time for a little heart to heart with his friend.
"Duke, how are ya?" Shane asked, sounding almost sarcastic. Without waiting for a reply, he continued. "Well, I have to hand it to ya Duke, since you've been here, you've not only embarrassed me in front of nearly all my friends, but you also alienated almost everyone you've come in contact with. You're really on a roll."
"Shane, listen to me," Duke tried to explain.
"No, Duke, I'm done listening," Shane cut him off. "I'm done with listening, giving in, forgiving, and giving out second chances. 'Cause it seems that every time I give you a second chance, I take it in the ass. So you know what? I'm done. I'm through. Finished."
"Shane, really." Duke tried to say. "I."
Shane gave him a baleful look. "No Duke, I'm speaking. I'm going to have my say. I hear that the other day, you flirted with Gerta and got slapped in the face. Gee, you're building quite a record around here. Then I come home the other day, and you're in my damn living room with a hooker!" Shane was nearly yelling now. He knew he shouldn't be doing this to Duke, but the Irish in him would just not let him stop now. "Then last night, LAST NIGHT, you get bombed at a party, and cop a feel on my girlfriend! Well, Duke, I'm sick of it. I'm tired of your antics, and, here's a surprise, I'm tired of you. I'm tired of you embarrassing me. I'm tired of you being so.so.juvenile. Right now, I'll tell you that my sister is seriously considering firing you. And you know what? I hope she does. I hope she throws you right out on your ass, because you are conceited, rude, ignorant, and completely negligent of others feelings and concerns. It's high time you learned a damn lesson, I guess the it's better to learn it from me, than from somebody who really doesn't like you."
After Shane had finished this tirade, he stood in front of Duke, looking him straight in the eyes. Duke had a sad, broken look on his face.
"Well, Shane, um, I'm sorry you feel that way," Duke mumbled. "Anyway, I, uh, was thinking of catching the next flight back to Boston, you know, the East Coast, I just can't stay away, heh, heh." Duke tried to sound upbeat, but came off sounding very flat. "So, I guess I'll see you around. Later Shane-o." With that Duke walked out the door.
Shane sat down. He simply sat there in stunned silence for what must have been five minutes. He had expected Duke to do something. Get mad, yell, and swear, yeah, he expected that. Walk out the door catching the next flight back to Boston was not what he had expected. Then Shane realized what he had done. It seemed like Jimeny Cricket was slapping him upside the head and yelling, 'You idiot, that was your friend you just yelled at!' Shane ran out into the street, looking for Duke. He did not find him. He checked the Stoic Arms Apartments, but Duke was nowhere to be found. He didn't hear again from Duke until he received a letter from Boston.
Act 7
The letter came in the mail almost a full month after Duke had left San Francisco. Shane had almost given up on ever hearing from him again, and felt rather bad about it for at least a week. He couldn't help feeling that it was his fault, and in all probability, it was. Then the letter came. It was mailed in a simple white envelope, but was postmarked from Boston. Shane knew who it was from without even opening it. Hurriedly, he tore the envelope open and took out a single sheet of paper. On it was this letter written in Duke's strangely artistic scrawl.
Dear Shane-o,
How are ya? Hope you're having a great ol' time back in San Fran. Things are going great here in Boston. Me and the old gang all miss ya. But enough with the small talk. Let's get right down to cases here, ol' boy. The reason I'm writing this is to tell you that, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I know the way I acted was immature, childish, and just plain stupid. I realize that I hurt your feelings with the way I acted, and, if it makes you feel any better, you hurt me too with the way you talked to me the day I left. If I could have it to do over again, I would change a lot of what I did, and I know you would take back some of the things you said. But let's not dwell on the past. What's done is done. We don't have to talk about such bad things. On the plane ride home, I got to realize something Shane-o. This is gonna sound really sappy, but I realized I didn't like Duke anymore. I was sick of the way I was acting as well. So I decided to change. And guess what? I like me now, and my friends like me now too. Jesus, that sounds wimpy, but that's the way it goes. I just can't explain it any other way. For the first time in my life, I have a job that I could hold for more than two weeks. And check this, I have a girlfriend! Yeah, I even found time for a meaningful relationship. Man, she is a hotty! She is the best, and brings out the best in me. I sent a picture of us with my letter, what do you think? Heh, I might even ask her to marry me. Think of that one Shane. That old bastard Duke settling down. Wild, eh? Also, tell Snowy to keep after Gerta, she is worth it in my opinion. Anyway, I don't mean to take up too much of your time, I just wanted to check in with you, and tell you that I'm sorry. I also wanted to say, that, as much as it hurts, I don't think I'll be visiting or writing again. I just don't think that it would be a good plan. We would only start dwelling on the past, and I know that can't be good for either of us. I hope you understand, but even if you don't, I think that this is the best way. If it works out though, I will send ya pictures of the wedding, and any subsequent family. However it works though, hang in there, and have a good one.
Your Friend,
Duke Kitna
P.S. There is no need to send anything back to me. At least, there is no need to apologize on your part. I already know, and I understand. You don't need forgiveness, because I already forgive you and I understand.
Inside the envelope was a simple snapshot of Duke with his arm around a very beautiful Dalmatian.
Wow, thought Shane. Duke really hit the jackpot on this one. Well, couldn't be happier for him.
Shane thought of Duke at a wedding. That alone brought a smile to his face. He thought of all Duke had to say. He had never known Duke to say so much, or to eat so many words. He felt he would show the letter to Ruby. She was a good dog, and this would show her that Duke truly was a class act. 'I understand' the letter had said. Shane found that the most touching of all. After all, Duke was, despite all his flaws, a great dog, and an even better friend. Shane was happy just to know him. And then, the words of an old song occurred to him. He paraphrased them slightly for Duke.
"And Duke my friend,
Above all the rest,
I miss you the most,
I loved you the best.
And every day now,
I thank God I was blessed,
Just to know you."
Of course, that wasn't necessarily true, but Shane felt that they were accurate enough. Oh yes, for Duke, the lyrics were correct enough, because Shane realized in that moment, that Duke was a good friend, possibly a great friend. Maybe even a best friend. But who knows? Duke was gone now, and Shane felt as though a large part of himself were missing.
Damn, thought Shane, almost angrily, you didn't even know the guy was alive until 2 months ago. Quit being such a baby!
But he couldn't because Duke's words were touching, and deep down, no matter what he though or believed, he realized that Duke meant them.