It was steamy in Hagrid's hut as he groomed his blast-ended skrewt. It lay flaccid in his lap as he massaged it with lotion to bring it back from its refractory period. Hagrid heard a knock on the door as he tried to reignite its blast hole. He hurried to stow away the skrewt into his beard so he could answer the door. Remembering he was exposed, he reached for the fluffy pink robe hanging from the door and did his best to conceal his single barrel pump action yogurt rifle. He opened the door to a toad-woman. "Hem hem," she said. "I've come for my pink robe."
"Oh… but I'm wearing it right now," Hagrid sputtered.
"Accio Robe!" The robe flew off of his exposed manliness and swirled into a neat little heap in Umbridge's arms.
*cue music* Bow chicka wow wow…
Umbridge stared at his one-eyed trouser snake.
"Is it cold in here, Hagrid? Tee hee!" Umbridge squeaked.
"Oh, er – why don't you come in and shut the door," he managed to say. Just then, the blast-ended skrewt wriggled free from Hagrid's beard and tried to scurry away. The half giant turned on the spot and bent to scoop it back up. Umbridge gawked at the glorious canyon of man-flesh in front of her, and by the time Hagrid had turned back around, she was naked except for a pink sequined banana hammock.
"Now, Hagrid," she teased, "I won't tell Albus about that creature you've got on one condition…"
"Oh, what's that, Dolores?" Hagrid asked.
"Just bend over again and shut up." With that, the toad woman attempted with all of her strength to bend Hagrid over his small table near the fireplace. She had a lascivious look on her face as she gently removed her banana hammock and placed it with the crotch over Hagrid's nose. As soon as she removed what little clothing she had on, her crotch rocket sprang forth and slapped Hagrid in the thigh.
The look on Hagrid's face as her stinky pickle brushed against his man canyon was…
To be continued…