" I thought I'd find you out here." Roland says, and for a split second, Cedric likes to pretend that they're seventeen again. Stupid, and so deep in love they were drowning in it.
"Where else would I be?" He asked, as a breeze ruffles his fringe. The wind is bitterly cold, cooling him right down to his very center. Roland seems unfazed by the wind, the only sign of recognition is the slightly reddened tip of his nose. He slowly walks out onto the balcony, his shoes make a slight click on the pavement. Cedric turns half way around to face him. Roland deosn't reply, simply puts his hands on the banister Cedric is sitting on, his legs hanging over the edge. He lost a shoe some time ago, it fell down into the waiting abyss of grass and trees that surrounded the castle base.
They stand there for a great period of time, the wind blows Roland's coat tails, and Cedric's hair. There us a space between them, that never used to be there. A space that was only growing in the more recent years. Roland's fingers are pale against the golden banister. "Did anyone see you?" He asks softly. Roland shook his head no.
"Of course not." He said, as a particularly strong gust of wind blows his hair into his face. He doens't brush his hair back into the center of his forehead where it belonged. Just like the old days, when they had been happier, and not so jaded by life and it's effects. Eventually, it begins to feel as thought the quiet was too much, and Roland must feel it as well because he breaks it. "If you'd have gone...I'd have gone with you. You know that."
"I do." He said, softly, looking up to his lost lover. He'd wanted to leave, when he was seventeen, and Roland was nineteen. He'd confessed it to him, up here on the balcony, looking out into the same night sky, and out at the same trees. After a moment, Roland's hand slowly moves to cover his own gloved hand. He smiles slightly to himself because that movement says more about the king then any words ever could. "You were going to be king."
"I am the king." He said, as if saying it would change who they were in their past lives. "You are a sorcerer."
"I was going to be." he corrects. "We would have been so happy."
"Perhaps." Roland replies, sounding uncharacteristically somber.
"Are you...Happy now?" He asks, looking up to the king for the first time. Roland gives him a small smile.
"You could say that." He offers. "I love Miranda very much."
"And..."
"Yes. I loved her as well." He nods slowly. "And I love my children."
"Sofia?"
"She's my daughter, isn't she?"
"She is." Cedric murmurs, "No doubt about it." He said, in a whispery tone. It seemed unfair, that Roland got to be happy when he was so alone these days. It's though his own making, of course, but it still feels as though the options should be swapped.
"I would have been happy with you, you're right." Roland admits, his exterior melts slightly, revealing his complex and interlinking core, covered up by a mask of easy going happiness. They watch the stars together, the sky seems to reach on forever, taking both cries and misery with it.
After a minute or so, Cedric has to break the silence, shattering it into a thousand pieces. "If I left tonight, would you go with me?" he asks, softly. He isn't expecting any reply, as most people who really knew Roland had figured, he was specific about what details he revealed about his mind, a side effect of being a king, an unusually cruel one, but one that was necessary no less.
"I have a family now." He murmurs, pursing his lips very slightly, and looking out into the distance with slightly glassy eyes. "A kingdom to run, a family to feed."
"You haven't answered my question." Cedric can't help but say, because something inside of him is craving an answer, a reply, a promise, a whisper, anything. Something to prove that the king still held even the slightest of the fondness they'd once held, before he'd managed to alienate the person who he was closest to, the only one he'd ever trusted. Roland looks down at him, after a moment. He looks like he's considering it, rather then telling Cedric what a king must say to such a request. Something that had always occurred to him about Roland was that he never looked down on anyone. He'd never heard him talk down to his staff, or his subjects. A value instilled in him by his mothers warm green eyes and long thin fingers clutching those of the tiny boys as he and his sister ran about the castle, almost knocking into a small boy dressed in tiny robes, the front of his hair already turning white, even though he's only six years old.
"It was twenty years ago." He said, softly. "We were young, stupid and in love." He's not wrong, but it breaks Cedric's heart slightly to think that Roland was right. "That ship...Sailed, when I was corrinated." He whispered, softly. He slowly moves his hand off of Cedric's and back onto the railing. Cedric nods.
"I know, it was."
"Twenty years, Cedric." He whispers. "That's….That's a long time." He said, as the wind cools his cheeks, and Cedric knows what's coming next. He can feel it in every fiber of his body, in ever hair. And he's just not ready to hear him say it. He knows, that deep inside, it has to happen, but he still doesn't want to hear it. Roland says the same thing every time they come out here, and it always breaks his heart, but he still always waits for the boy he was once so deeply in love with to return to him. "We need to grow up." He said, finally. "Move on."
"And yet you're still here."
"I am." He said. "Truth is, Cedric, if you asked me, I would love to. I'd love to drop everything I've ever had to run away with you out into the wide open world. But I can't. Not now."
"I know." He whispered, but it does warm him slightly that Roland is still fond of him. Roland slowly kisses his forehead, and then turns his back on the sorcerer.
"Good night, Cedric." He murmured, before going back into the castle, back to his wife. Cedric wishes that the boy he was in love with will come back to him, and he realizes, that Roland probably wished for the same thing, back when they were both teenagers, and stupidly drowning in their love, and he shut out the only person who'd ever love him back.
…
A/N Surprise! I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me! Nope. Just taking a small break from Dr Blake to write some good 'ol fashioned gay sofia the first characters. No biggie. (Yes I am still angry Roland/Cedric isn't the most popular pairing in the fandom) Leave a comment if you liked it, as per always, and feel free to contact me with any comments questions or concerns!