An Incredibly Random oneshot written cuz I wuz bored and cuz I has writer's block
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. Yet… *laughs evilly* nor do I own 'I can swing my sword'.
Once upon a time, Fred was bored. (Fred is the milkman from the stolen earth. only he wasn't actually a milkman.) So he disguised himself as a milkman and got some bottles of poisoned milk.
So he could poison someone.
Because he was really a crazy psychopath.
Anyway, he was delivering poisoned milk to random people's houses when some person asked what day was it.
"Saturday." Fred called back. But what he didn't know was that it was really Sunday. Which was why the earth was stolen that day, because the doctor never lands on Sundays, because Sundays are boring.
So Fred went back to delivering bottles of poisoned milk. Then, all his bottles of milk started shaking and a few shattered. The few that shattered, of course, were his very expensive nerve poison poisoned milk. All the cheap crappy poison that only makes the milk taste weird poisoned milk survived.
Because Murphy hates Fred.
Then, he looked up and saw a ton of planets. And Rose appeared and and looked up too.
"we're in trouble now…and it's only just beginning." Rose said while cocking her gun. Then, for no apparent reason, some theme song-sounding music started playing. And daleks started showing up.
"all humans in this sector will be exterminated!" a random dalek said.
"EXTERMINATE THIS!" Fred yelled and attacked the dalek with the giant meat cleaver he carried with him at all times.
Then he ran around, attacking daleks left and right with his giant meat cleaver.
While singing 'I can swing my sword'. Only he replaced sword with meat cleaver.
"do you like my meat cleaver, meat cleaver, meat cleaver?"
my diamond meat cleaver, meat cleaver, meat cleaver?
You cannot afford, ford ford, my diamond meat cleaver, meat cleaver, meat cleaver!
Even if you could, could, I HAVE A PATENT!"
It didn't go over so well because:
one. Afford does not rhyme with meat cleaver
two. Meat cleaver is too many syllables.
It didn't go over well in france either.
Because Fred was somehow in france, attacking daleks left and right there too.
"Aimez-vous moncouperet à viande, couperet à viande, couperet à viande?"
ma viandediamantcouperet,couperet à viande, couperet à viande,?
Vous ne pouvez paspayer,payer, payer, ma viandediamantcouperet,couperet à viande, couperet à viande!
Mêmesi vous pouviez,pourrait,J'AI UNBREVET!" Fred sang in french. Actually, he wasn't sure if he was doing it right, because he used google translate.
Don't ask me how he found time to translate some random song on google translate while fighting daleks.
The french people were so horrified by his pronunciation that they kicked him out of France, and never let him come back.
There goes Fred's vacation in paris.
The daleks were mentally scarred by his singing and jumped (?) off a cliff that was conveniantly located nearby.
Too conveniant, actually.
Much too conveniant.
But anyway, Fred went back to the UK just in time to see all the daleks go away, only to be blown up.
Then there was another earthquake, and what little expensive poison was left got smashed (the crappy stuff survived. Go figure.) and earth was back.
The end.