A/N: I should be writing my major work pitches. But no, FanFiction's got me in its claws again. Not that it's an entirely bad thing, because some good authors are coming back, and that makes me both happy and motivated. :3
How long has it been since I've written angst? I miss angst, but I've been feeling so lighthearted lately that I couldn't write it.
A confession: As I'm writing this A/N, the story is non-existent. I'm just going to see how this story plays out. ;)
Afternote: Inspired by 'Your turn to roll', a story in the Showcase of Young Writers 2011.
Expiry Date
by Autumn Win-Dow
9999 DAYS
"Ruka! Ruka!"
He could barely, just barely, hear the shrieks of his name.
At that moment, the most powerful sound throbbing in his cluttered, confused brain was his heartbeat. He reached out, his fingertips clutching to the surface of the wall to no avail, as he could only concentrate of the accelerated beating of his heart.
BA-DUMP.
At that moment, his free hand rapidly moved to his chest and gripped the cloth of his polo. The pain seared, and he could feel a whooping cough rise up his throat, carrying not only mucus and air.
COUGH!
Warm red liquid sputtered from his mouth.
He can just feel small, warm hands clutch his shoulders, rub his back frantically, grab his body in desperation.
"Ruka, let's go to the hospital!"
He would have complied. All he wanted was to comply.
His goal was to defeat his disease, to kick it where it hurt and leave it abandoned.
But how on earth could he, when things were turning black?
9243 DAYS
By his side was the girl of whom he loved dearly in his high school years.
Ruka was one of many young teenagers who fell for her innocent charms and her positive demeanor. She never seemed to discriminate people, especially during high school when such shunning and classifications were common as a result to segregation, and her friendships always surpassed the thin lines which marked the division of groups. Even those who envied her couldn't help but enjoy talking to her.
And it seemed that this trait never disappeared, because now she was the only one sitting beside his hospital bed, holding his cold hand with her warm ones.
One thing that did change over the years, however, was his love for her.
Now, Ruka didn't love her. He no longer could. Her friendship was an invaluable thing, and the last thing he wanted to lose, but his heart had been stolen away from her years ago.
The apple juice tasted bitter.
She always used to catch on to the smallest things.
"Is anything wrong? I can get you something else to drink."
He weakly smiled at the brunette. "It's fine, Mikan. Nothing's wrong."
Mikan returned the grin, albeit hers was slightly bitter. "Ruka, you're always saying everything's alright, when you know that it's not. I want you to be more open about things, so I can help you."
"I already owe you my life," Ruka sighed, meeting gazes with his former love, "And since I can't give you that anymore, I couldn't possibly think of anyway else to repay you-"
"Stop." The brunette pleaded, shaking her head as small droplets streaked down her face. "Don't say that again. Y-You don't owe me anything, Ruka. You're the only one I trust... so please, don't think about repaying me."
He looked down at their hands glumly. He could never agree with her, but instead of arguing back, he spared her the tears and stayed quiet.
After a long silence, he mumbled a response. "But you're lying. I'm not the only one."
It was now her turn to look away. "No. I can't trust him as much as I trust you. It's like you and..." She spared him the grief of saying the name.
Oh, how he wished she were here.
8695 DAYS
"They know where I am. I'll be leaving Tokyo tonight."
Ruka almost subjected himself to the embarrassment of having waiters clean his mess upon hearing it.
"But, what about M-"
"I can't stay here, Ruka." The man in front of him growled, but Ruka could easily see the conflict in his red eyes.
The man was torn apart. Ruka knew exactly how he felt at that moment, because he had experienced it once too.
But he wasn't eager to let him make the same mistake. "You can't leave, Natsume. You can't leave her. She needs you."
Natsume smiled bitterly. "That's stupid. She doesn't need me. Not when the shit I've gotten involved in could reach her."
"So, you're just going to get up and leave, abandoning her at her time of need?" Ruka couldn't help but raise his voice at the black haired man pulling his hairs in front of him. "She's in love with you, but if you leave her, she'll be alone and even more vulnerable! Do you see the danger in your actions? Because to me, it's obvious."
"Mikan has you. And it's far better if she stays with you rather than me."
Ruka scoffed. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, Natsume. I can barely protect myself! In two years, I'll be as weak as a drowning cat! And maybe, if you add more years to that, I'll be dead! Gone! When that time comes, tell me who's going to 'protect' her like you believed I could!"
He angrily pointed a finger at the guilty faced Natsume. "I'm not going to let you make that mistake. You're not going to make the same mistake I did years ago. I'm not going to let you become a pathetic idiot."
After his outburst, he realised that he was gripping his cup too tightly.
Breathe, Ruka. Carefully. Moderate breaths, deep, controlled breaths. Stay calm-
COUGH!
"What- Ruka. Ruka! Breathe, Ruka, breathe!"
I tried, god damn it.
By the time he woke up in hospital, again, Natsume was gone.
7536 DAYS
"So, you're going to Germany." He awkwardly pointed out, breaking the silence.
She glanced up at him, slightly amused. "Yes, Ruka, I'm going to Germany. I thought we already established that a while ago."
"Sorry, it's just that-" He sighed, unable to hide his true feelings about it. "I didn't think time would fly this fast, Hotaru."
"But it did." She stared forward, but he did not not that he was not the only conflicted one.
Ruka did not want to split from her like that. Gathering all of the confidence he had gathered during his twenty years, he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him.
"Ruka, what the-"
Hotaru was interrupted by a trembling kiss to her lips. As long as she froze in her position, the kiss only intensified, as Ruka felt a strange energy flow through his entire body and the trembling eventually stopped with his nervousness. She soon delved into the kiss just as passionately, her small hands reaching his tie and pulling him closer.
"Flight BE183 will be boarding in thirty minutes."
The announcement forced her to break away from the kiss, though regrettably. She planned to start her journey right there and then, but Ruka's tight grip on her shoulders kept her in her spot.
"Hotaru, I love you." Ruka murmured determinedly, holding her gaze.
Hotaru laughed quietly, as she asked, "Why do you seem so intent to tell me that?"
"I don't know," He admitted with a soft smile, "I just wanted to let you know that. In case..."
He felt a finger on his lips.
"You don't have to say it. I'll be back before that happens."
"You promise?"
"I'm not a big fan of promises, but just this once. Because you're not just anyone."
As his hands loosened, she left his hold, and with a gentle smile she waved him goodbye as she headed towards the terminal.
"The BE182 flight from Tokyo to Berlin was hijacked by an association of terrorists, and later crashed into a village on the Himalayas. There were no survivors."
6666 DAYS
He hadn't suffered any coughing fits since he started to meet with Hotaru on a regular basis.
Ruka couldn't help but find her a bit-just a bit-intriguing. She was completely different from the other girls studying at his university, and if Mikan had chosen to apply, the two would represent the opposing poles among the students.
It was why, when he introduced Mikan to Hotaru, he was completely baffled when they instantly became good friends.
Yet again, he had successfully befriended Mikan's new boyfriend, a man who he initially thought as shady but later realised was-although not admittedly-head over heels for the brunette.
Perhaps it was because they both knew how it felt to be in love with her. And Ruka would earnestly thank the gods that he was able to make it clear to Natsume that he wasn't interested in her anymore.
A budding fear was still existent - nothing in comparison to his life clock ticking, but substantial nonetheless.
But with the success, came the last resort - admitting to Natsume that he was in love with Hotaru Imai.
"Well, isn't that a contrast." The red eyed male scoffed amusedly at his confession. "From the sunny girl to the Ice Queen."
"I know," Ruka sighed, just as aware, "I can't explain it. But they are similar in a way, in regards to the way they care for people."
His confession was a mixed bowl of hesitations, stuttering, and exasperated sighs, before he threw away his attempts on being romantic and directly stated his feelings.
"Ugh, I love you, okay?"
And to his surprise, she replied, "So I'm not the only one, after all."
It turned out that Mikan told the black haired female of his feelings earlier. She got a mouthful from him soon after.
6444 DAYS
She was an inventor.
Hotaru Imai was enrolled in the Engineering class at his university, while he had taken to medicine. A cool female with a concentrated work ethic, she was not one who often associated with other students in the school. Though he had heard that Mikan had attempted to find her and become friends because of an interest in the inventor's talent, she was never able to.
Besides, Ruka believed, from seeing the reputable woman form a distance, that even Mikan would struggle in befriending her.
But somehow, he had managed to get himself involved in chaotic moment after chaotic moment, more rapidly than he preferred.
"You're doing well, Nogi." Misaki-sensei warmly complimented after class one day. "So well that I've received a request for you from one of the Engineering students at this university. I'm not sure if you know Hotaru Imai?"
The blonde hesitated, wondering why on earth the 'Ice Queen' would want to talk to him, a student in a completely different field. "I haven't met her personally..."
"This may be a great opportunity for you, then." Misaki handed him a folded piece of card. "Great for furthering your studies."
As the professor walked away, Ruka flipped the card open.
Ruka Nogi,
I'm interested in working with you for a large-scale project. Please meet me in the Kinokuniya Hall at 5 pm.
H. I.
He immediately glanced at his watch-there were only ten minutes left until he was due to arrive. A strange feeling bubbled in him at that moment. For some reason, he felt excited from getting such a strict invitation from the reputable honour student.
This excitement led him to do something which he knew that she should not have, but did anyway.
He ran.
As he finally reached the door of the hall, he could no longer stand on his feet. Ruka's breaths became heavier as he gripped the brass door handle, and with all of his strength, pushed it open and for the first time, held eye contact with Hotaru Imai.
"I'm..." COUGH! "...sorry that I'm late."
Ruka woke up hours later in the infirmary, and the first thing he heard was Hotaru Imai lamenting him on why she had decided to work with an idiot like himself.
He could not help but smile despite his terrible condition. She still cared.
5996 DAYS
COUGH!
He quickly held his hand over his mouth before it came. However, to his horror, he could taste rust.
Pulling his hand away, Ruka felt his breath catch in his throat as a small drip of blood trailed down his outstretched palm.
Oh, crap.
The bell shrilled soon after.
Unable to take his eyes off of his hand, he remains still. "W-Who is it?"
The bell rings again, without a reply from the person at the door.
Ruka swallowed deeply, before taking out his handkerchief from the drawer and wiping the blood off his hand and lips, as he made his way towards the door.
When he opened it, he was horrified to see a barely conscious, soaking Mikan Sakura being carried in the arms of an unknown man, equally as drenched.
Ruka felt a tingle of annoyance strike him in the chest, but knowing that it was the least of his concerns, he looked up at the man holding his good friend.
"What happened? Why is Mikan unconscious?" They were the first of a flurry of questions which came out of his mouth.
He looked down worriedly at Mikan's paled face, and lightly touched her forehead with the back of his hand. Her eyes were slightly open, and at the sight of him, she smiled weakly.
If only he had not started falling out of love for her at that time, disregarding the twinge of jealousy that he could not quite rid himself of, he would probably have fallen in love all over again.
"You might want to let me in." The man's voice broke through his thoughts, and Ruka, intimidated by the stern voice of the stranger, opened the door further to let him in.
"Lie her on the couch. I'll get her some towels."
Mikan was now warm and fast asleep on Ruka's couch. Meanwhile, Ruka and the stranger were basking in an awkward silence.
"So..." Ruka started, "How did you know to come here?"
"She was standing in front of the building in the rain, waiting. When I found her, she asked me to bring you here." He simply replied.
Was she... waiting for me? Shit, I was supposed to have work this evening. I hope she wasn't trying to say sorry because...
Ruka forced a smile, regretful because of his realization. "Thank you... I'm sorry, I don't think I got your name. I'm Ruka Nogi."
"Natsume. Natsume Hyuuga."
Another silence.
However, the next time it was broken, it was not Ruka who initiated.
"Why do you have blood on your handkerchief?"
He saw Natsume kiss her on the forehead, and that when he knew that this man was not a complete stranger to Mikan.
5722 DAYS
"Did you actually expect to be accepted by Mikan Sakura?"
The question startled him out of his reverie. Pressing his lips in a bitter line, he looked around to find who had asked him the question. As it turned out, the one who asked the question was not directing it to him.
Either way, his chest felt heavy for more reasons than one.
Ruka started to drift off again, leaning his elbows on the table as he stared at a spot on the wall, when he heard his own name being called.
"Ruka, you like Mikan too, right? Are you two dating?"
The blonde smiled, trying to hide the possible grimace emerging. "We're not dating. I got rejected a while ago."
5019 DAYS
They met in the first year of middle school.
Usually, the boys and girls in the grade would start their categorizing during the first month of term. They would decide who the established 'hotshot' was, the most likely to be the student council president, the social butterfly, the resident eye candy.
It was apparent that Ruka had been selected to be the prince of the grade, for obvious reasons.
He didn't like it at all. He had always hated unwanted attention, especially as a boy having grown up in a pampered, overly caring household since his birth.
His parents watched him enough- he did not need the girls in his grade to do the same.
"Are you European?"
"Did you study overseas?"
"Are you dating?"
The questions were a daily horror for him. Ruka knew that the girls who had joined his fan club only had an interest in his looks and money, without superficial concerns about the world itself.
The girls liked to surround themselves with attractive boys, unconcerned with the evil world out there.
They were the reason why he began ditching class often, to escape the prying eyes and to sleep underneath the Sakura trees, where no one could tell him what he needed to do.
Can't I just decide for myself what I want, for once?
She was in another class. He had often heard her name in class, either when the boys were singing praises or the girls were cheerfully talking about her overall cheer. Ruka did not, and could not, believe that there was a girl who- in the eyes of his classmates- resembled the epitome of optimism, and such a thought of a person annoyed him.
She's probably just like the rest of them.
He was soon proven wrong.
"Ruka Nogi?"
He opened one eye, and the first thing he saw was brown.
Her hair was a luscious, long brown which reached the small of her back- or, when crouching down like she had, the grass.
Ruka chose to be polite. "Yes?"
The girl sighed in relief as she sat herself next to him in the grass. "Thank god! I was worried I got the wrong person." She held out a hand to shake. "I'm Mikan Sakura."
So this is her. They didn't lie when they said she was pretty.
He grinned, though slightly forced, and accepted her handshake. "Why were you looking for me?"
"Well, I heard that you ditched class a lot. I didn't feel like going to class today, but I didn't want to be lonely. So I just decided to kill two birds with one stone and meet you officially!"
The air rose up quicker than he expected.
COUGH!
It could not stop. He could not stop.
Mikan's eyes widened in terror as she caught him from falling and rubbed his back. "Breathe, Ruka! C-Carefully. Moderate breaths, d-deep, controlled breaths. Stay calm, you'll be okay! We need to get you to the infirmary!"
Her words, for some reason, differed from those of her parents and the doctors.
Her words worked.
"N-No..." He forced out, finally starting to catch his breath. "I'm fine."
The brunette shook her head, still in a panic. "You're not okay, Ruka! T-This isn't normal! We need to-"
"There's no use." He breathed bitterly. "Going to the infirmary won't change what I have."
She fell silent for a moment, before whispering, "...what you have?"
Ruka stared forward, his head leaning on the trunk of the tree, as he confessed to her. "I'm sick. And this isn't short-term, it isn't a cold. This sickness is stuck by my side for life."
He expected her to cringe, draw her hands away, and cry to herself why she came into such close contact with such a disease. But he was shocked to see that she did not, instead, her hold on his shirt tightened.
The blonde chuckled bitterly, still not getting his hopes up. "What? You're not going to call me disgusting?" He choked.
Ruka had never wanted to cry, in front of a girl, no less.
Through the moisture, he could see her shake her head adamantly. "I would never. You're a good person Ruka, and what can a disease do to change that?"
Perhaps, as she allowed him to let it all out on her shoulder - and let a few of her own tears to slip through - he had fallen in love with her.
No girl besides his mother had ever cried for him before.
3000 DAYS
It was his first coughing fit.
"Ruka, don't run-"
COUGH!
Could his body, his small, weak body, handle the pain?
What doesn't kill me will make me stronger.
Despite all, it was his childhood. An inescapable terror.
1500 DAYS
"Mr and Mrs Nogi, unfortunately your son is-"
"No... no... not my son! There's nothing wrong with my son! There can't be! He's completely healthy!"
"Mrs Nogi, if you would please calm down-"
"No! I will not calm down! Not when my baby is sick and more likely to die before we do!"
"Honey, we-"
"You're a doctor, right? Doctors cure people. I'll pay you what you want, just help my boy!"
"Complete diagnosis so far is impossible, but there is a way to delay the symptoms of the disease."
The medical office was a mess. The doctor stood, regretful for giving the unfortunate verdict, as Mrs Nogi fell to the ground and clutched her husband's leg as she wailed. Mr Nogi appeared grim. Ruka seated himself in the children's play area, assembling lego pieces to create a tall tower.
1 DAY
Ruka Nogi
Son of Suzuki Nogi and Marie Nogi
March 16th, 19XX
"He's a beautiful boy!"
"I've fallen in love with him already."
"His hair is just like his mother's."
"He's destined for a great future, I'm sure of it."
He lived, he loved, he laughed. But it was all for the price of losing it all.
A/N: So... this is how it turned out. And it's longer than usual too! Score. :3 I hope it's good. HAHA.
And I finally wrote angst. I hope I'm still in touch, here.