Authors Note: We Bhotanni and I took this series down to regroup and reorganize on it. Now that I have redone some of this part I reposted it hope you like it. The song I used is still "Still Holding Out For You." By SheDaisy
Special Thanks: Thank you to my co author Bhotanni for helping me with this series.. My muses are driving me crazy!!
Still Holding Out For You
He was gone, her best friend and boyfriend was gone and she couldn't bring him back. She would never see his dazzling smile again, she would never feel his lips on hers again. She let out another sob as she remembered the day he had died. He was so strong for so long and finally they got him. Finally, he was at peace with himself and the world. He had given his life for his friends and that was the highest price he could ever pay for his sins.
She missed him desperately. He had only been dead for two months but it felt like a year. She thought that the power was supposed to protect them, but it hadn't protected him. She buried her head in her pillow as she remembered the shape he had been in when they found him in Rita's palace. The thing that killed her the most was they were to late to save him. He was gone when they got to him, but the scans they had ran on him when they got him back to the Command Center revealed what hideous things he had gone through before he died. She shivered as one thought raced through her mind: 'We let him down.'
Never thought I'd be in this place
It's someone else's life I'm living
Wish I were living a lie
The hardest part is when the bough breaks
Falling down and then forgiving
You didn't kiss me good-bye
I'm choking on the words I didn't get to say
And pray that I get the chance one day
She cried harder when she remembered his parent's faces when they told them that their baby boy was dead. His mom had gone into shock, then disbelief, and then she had broken down crying into her husband's arms. His father looked like someone had just ripped his heart out. He was their only son, their pride and joy. Hell, he was everyone's pride and joy! He could have been someone one day; he could have done so many things with his life if only they would have just left him alone. Why did they have to pursue him all the time? Why were they obsessed with breaking him? Why couldn't they just leave him alone? She let out a mangled scream when she remembered him yelling for her to help him when they took him and all she did was struggle in the putty arms helpless. She couldn't get close to him, and she couldn't save him.
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you'll be there like before
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won't listen to
I'm still holding out for you
She knew that she was only in high school and that for her to be this tore up over a guy was absurd, but he wasn't just any guy, he was hers. She had loved him so much, when she looked into his eyes she saw herself. She knew that true love came once in a lifetime, and she had found her true love and had lost him to soon. This wasn't right! He wasn't supposed to be dead; he was supposed to be here with her. He was supposed to grow old with her and have children with her. They were supposed to have a two story white house with a picket fence. They were supposed to have lives together. He was not supposed to die. They had had it all planned out, and now he was gone. She felt like she had died right along with him. From the first time she had saw him, she had loved him. She knew she would never find that again, she didn't want to.
She remembered the sight that had met her eyes when they walked into the cell that held her love and let out a squeal. He was chained to the floor on his stomach beaten and burned severely, barely recognizable to any of them. Goldar was on top of him, and he was 'having fun' with him. Kim shivered as she remembered Goldar's laughter as he got off him and kicked him one last time. 'He must have died when Goldar was on top of him. He had just given up.' She thought to herself as she curled into a ball on her bed.
I can hear you smile in the dark
I can even feel you breathing
But daylight chases the ghosts
I see your coat and I fall a part
To those hints of you I'm clinging
Now's when I need them the most
I should get up, dry my eyes and move on
At least that's what you would have said
She still could feel the rage that had entered her system at Goldar's evil laughter. 'He was great fun and he didn't put up much of a fight. I think he liked it! The little faggot!' Goldar had said while looking down upon his body. That was the last straw for all of them; all at once they had charged Goldar, their rage powering them. They could have killed him and not thought twice about it, but Goldar had chickened out and ran. That didn't worry her though. One day Goldar would pay for killing him, one day she would kill him. She didn't care if it was the last thing she ever did; she would kill him.
Her heart was still latching on to the slim hope that maybe he was still alive. Maybe that wasn't him in that cell. Maybe they had him still and they wanted to make them believe he was dead. Maybe he had gotten away and couldn't get back to them, so Rita had made it seem like they had tortured him and killed him. Maybe he wasn't really dead, and their scanners were wrong. She knew these were crazy thoughts but she could still feel him. She could feel his life force inside of her. Her heart was telling her that he was still alive, but her brain was telling her that he was gone. Which one was she supposed to believe?
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you'll be there like before
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won't listen to
I'm still holding out for you
It's the only true comfort I feel
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you'll be there like before
She miserably picked herself off her bed, she had to meet the Rangers for lunch at the Youth Center, and she didn't want to go at all. She knew all of them missed him, but no one knew what she was going through. No one knew the pain that was evident in her heart. They had never lost any one that had been nuzzled in there hearts. She wiped the tears away as she picked out a pair of jeans and a mid drift shirt that he had always loved and put them on. She slugged over to her mirror and grabbed a couple of Kleenex and dried her eyes and blew her nose. She fixed her hair just the way he had like it, and did her makeup just right, as if she was going to see him when she got to the Youth Center just like all the times earlier. But he wouldn't be there this time; he wouldn't be there any time. This thought almost made her cry again, and she closed her eyes and began to do a breathing exercise he had taught her, and tried to calm herself enough to walk out of her room.
Kim glanced at the picture of Tommy on her dresser and smiled as she walked over to it and picked it up and traced his face with her finger. "I love you Tommy. I miss you so much.... but I have to go now. Goodbye handsome."
Kim sadly sat the picture back on the dresser, grabbed her purse and started jamming various things in to it.
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you'll be there like before
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won't listen to
I'm still holding out for you
Slinging her purse on her shoulder, and glancing at the picture of Tommy one last time, she walked out of her room, unaware of the chocolate brown eyes watching her from outside her window.