Blue Light Savings (Family Guy x Twilight Parody)
*usual shot of the house*
*The family is in the living room except for Meg. Peter, Lois, and Chris are on the couch; the other two are on the floor*
TV: "We now return to NBC's Heroes!"
Hiro from Heroes: "You die now, Syler!" *stabs Syler in the stomach with his sword*
Syler: Oh no! I'm dead! *dies, then gets back up* "Yay I live again.. again… again again!"
Nikki: *runs onto screen and pushes Slyer over, stomping on him a few times* "Die you son of a..!"
Syler: Oh no! I'm dead!" *raises back up* "Yay I'm alive.."
Hiro: *scratches head*"boy this is repetitive. No wonder why we're getting canceled"
Syler: *grabs Hiro's sword and stabs him enough to make him fly off screen*
Hiro: *off screen* Oh no I died! Yay I'm alive again!
Chris: Has anyone ever noticed or is it just me? I mean it's almost like the writers for movies and TV are all running out of ideas out of nowhere. It always seems like most of the decent stuff is based off a book or something.
*Peter and Lois give each other a unamused look*
Peter: Uh… Chris?
Chris: Yeah?
Peter and Lois: No S—t.
Peter: Been going on since early last decade now.
Chirs: Really?
Lois: Der der-der..
Meg: *yells out in frustration while walking back and forth with boxes of her stuff*
Peter: *sighs* Oh great... What's HER problem now?
Meg: *walk back into the room* In case you haven't noticed I'm leaving this place!
Peter: *pumps fist and whispers to self* Yessss..
Lois: Sweetie, why in the world would you do that for?
Meg: I get no respect in this house! It's like I'm a piece of nothing. If I were to shoot myself in the face or something no one would give a damn!
Lois: Honey.. if you did that I'm sure SOMEONE would..
Meg: Would you?
Lois: Umm… possibly.. maybe… could happen *mumbles on in attempts to be polite*
Meg: EGH! See there? It's so clear you don't care! It's just as clear as Sarah Palin's true motives!
Flashback
Some guy: You know, I kinda noticed something.
Other guy: What?
Some guy: Palin says she'll run for president in 2012. And there's that Mayan calendar thing where the world might end. You think there might be a connection?
Other guy: hmm… good question…
*Sarah Palin decends down between them with demon wings and red eyes*
Sarah Palin: *in a scary deep voice* YOU BETCHA! *Close up evil laugh with lightning and scary music*
Flashback ends
Lois: Oh honey, come on! We love you! Stay!
Stewie: Yeah, stay. SOMEONE's gotta be the punching bag.
Meg: I've had enough. Now I'm going to a place in Washington called Spoons and I'm never coming back!
Lois: Meg!
Meg: Sorry, mom. You get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir! *slams door shut as she leaves*
*awkward silence*
Chris: Aw dammit, I lost The Game!
*the rest of the family raises their arms and yells out in frustration*
*later, the Swanson family and Meg drive away in slow motion as some weird generic teen leaving song goes on*
Mrs. Swanson: Wow, Meg, you sure you ready for the world without your parents? It's gona be pretty tough for a girl your age.
Meg: Yeah, I'm sure.
Joe: Really? I'm going to miss it here. I don't even know why the Force transferred me all the way across the continental US though.
Mrs. Swanson: *whispers to Joe* It's for this episode's storyline, honey.
Joe: Oh, yeah.
*car drives off as Meg writes in a book with her voice narrating as the music gets slightly louder*
Meg narrator: This was it. Time to move on from this place. Time for me to start a new life of my own from this place full of stupid people. Will I make it? Will there be people who will open there arms to me? And what's with this echo? Hello! …o.. o…o.. Yoo hoo!.. hoo.. hoo.. DOMO ARIGATOU MR. ROBOTO! DOMO! Domo.. domo..
*After some commercials and junk Meg writes in her diary*
Dear diary,
We are now living in Forks, Washington. It's a small town, very nice. It rains just about every day though but hey, there's no hurricanes or anything. We just made it here in the middle of the school year. So perhaps I can try to get friends over here, unlike that douche bag of a school James Woods High… So here we go….
*at school in the parking lot*
Meg: *gets out of the car nervously*
Random woman: Hi! You must be new in Spoons! I'm, Stephanie Meyer- *immediately gets hit by some kid in a sliding truck* WAAAAAGGGGHH!
*Meg just walks to school, soon into some class*
*Inside the class a teacher is up front discussing about some sort of science subject while the students listen, stare off, and do whatever*
Meg: *walks in with a note* Excuse me…
Teacher: Just one second *continues lesson*
Meg: *sighs, looks around the room and takes a seat near the door in waiting. A fan is blowing in front of her, pointing at an angle to the rest of the room*
Some guy: Hmm? *looks up from taking notes*
Meg: Hmm? *looks over at him*
Guy: *stares awkwardly for a second, then sniffs the air*
Meg: hmm… *gives a flirtatious smile*
Random person: Man it's hot in here! *runs over to turn the fan on high*
Guy: *sniffs in deeper and suddenly makes a shock face, he covers his nose, gagging*
Teacher: Is something wrong, Mr. Cullen?
Mr. Cullen: *eyes wide in attemts to hold his breath* hmm mmm…
Teacher: ok… *turns back to the board*
Mr. Cullen: *gags even more as he looks over to Meg, noticing the fan*
Meg: *looks over at him*
Mr Cullen: *finally vomits up painfully*
Teacher: *turns again* Oh dear, we must take you to the nurse's office. *helps him out the door, turns and stops, sniffing the air around where the fan is only to vomit himself*
Random girl student: Oh dear lord! Sir, are you alright? *vomits*
*the two run out the door crying, soon the sound of sniffing is heard throughout the room only to have an orgy of people vomiting up everywhere, running out the door and crying*
Meg: Ew.. *sniffs, then lifts up her arm and sniffs her armpit* Crap I forgot to wear deodorant.
*at lunch*
*Meg is sitting at a table with girls similar to her friends back in Quahog as they eat and read entertainment tabloids*
Nerdy girl: *sighs* I'm Team Helsing all the way…
Overweight girl: *sighs* Me too…
Weezy girl: Team Igor all the way!
Meg and the other two: Eeew!
Nerdy girl: That's even more gross then that one time with Paris Hilton!
Flashback
*A man is in the doctor's office as a doctor shows him his report*
Doctor: Sir, let's talk about your crabs…
Man: Damn! I knew I should'nt have slept with Paris Hilton!
Doctor: Paris Hilton? I was talking about dinner!
Man: Oh ok.. *relieved*
Doctor: But yeah… you do have the herpes now.
End Flashback
Meg: *notices someone from afar* Hey who's that? *points*
Nerdy girl: *looks over to see a four people enter the cafeteria, sexy and in slow motion to the music of "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails* Oh those are the Collins. They're really mysterious and keep to themselves. *sigh* so HAWT!
*another person walks in*
Nerdy girl: Oh and that's the youngest lone one of the group- Phil.
*the lighting reveals to be Phil Collins as a bunch of fangirls crowd around, screaming. The group of sexy slow-motion people seem oblivious to the faster rampages of the ladies*
Meg: No I meant that guy over at that table. *points*
*the girls look over to a guy which looks oddly like David from The Lost Boys that seems to be the only one at the table. The three look at each other and shrug*
Meg: Well… I'm so checking him out. *squees and walks over to him* Hi, I'm Meg and new here.
The guy: *looks over* uh… hi?
Meg: What's your name?
Guy: Keifer
Meg: Weird… yet sexy. My name's Meg. Meg Griffin.
Guy: Nice to meet you. *smiles*
*Keifer and Meg give eachother smiling glances as some generic 90s love song comes on*
Keifer: So…. How about we head outside to that forest over there?
Meg: *looks out the window* Sure let's go…
*later in the forest*
Keifer: So… here we are…
Meg: Yeah… but there's one thing odd about you since we've met….
Keifer: What?
Meg: Well… you're not like other people.
Keifer: Huh?
Meg: Well, you are interested in ME…
Keifer: Oh… you didn't notice that I was impossibly fast?
Meg: Huh?
Keifer: Or my super strength?
Meg: What?
Keifer: What about my skin? It's pretty pale and ice-cole..
Meg: *Shrugs* Meh…
Keifer: What about my eyes changing color?
Meg: Really? Haven't noticed that yet…
Keifer: I can speak like I'm from a different time.
Meg: So can British people.
Keifer: Ok ok… maybe this will help you figure out what I'm trying to say… *walks over to opening in trees which have sunlight, random hands throw glitter on him*
Mr. Sulu: *walks by* Oh helloooooo…
Keifer: Now do you know?
Meg: *facepalms* Of coarse you'd like me. You're gay.
Keifer: No no! Not that! Guess again!
Meg: Mormon?
Keifer: No…
Meg: Superman?
Keifer: No…
Meg: Robert Pattinson?
Keifer: Yes… I MEAN NO!
Meg: …mormon?
Keifer: A vampire! VAMPIRE!
Meg: …what? Seriously?
Keifer: Yes.. *smiles*
Meg: *after an awkward silence she tries hard not to crack up*
Keifer: Are you scared?
Meg: No. Dating unholy creatures is the new thing these days. Plus it seems normal over here *points towards other part of the woods where various girls are making out with werewolves, Frankenstein, mummies, creatures from the black lagoon*
Keifer: Hmm… Let's go to my place.
Meg: But we just met..
Keifer: Lalala! Can't hear you! Lalala! *grabs her and zooms off*
Meg: Hey this is almost like that anime Dragonball Z..
Flashback
Goku: Oh no! I'm almost defeated!
Vegeta: Mwahahaha! Victory of the Shinjuku Yoshi Ori Kogami Rakutan Nori Budokai shall be mine! HAHAHAHA!
Goku: I lied. Time to show you my true power! HWA!
Vegeta: Wha?
Goku: HA! Now victory shall be mine!
Narrator: Stay tuned for special previews on the next Dragonball Z! Next time on Dragonball Z!
Goku: I will defeat you!
Vegeta: No, for I TOO have a hidden power! HWA!
Goku: GWAH?
Vegeta: Prepare for defeat.
Goku: No! I lied! Here is my hidden power!
Vegeta: …. My god, your such a d!-k.
End Flashback
*to the house, the two enter the door*
Keifer: Hello, I'm home!
Meg: Wow nice place. You must be rich.
Keifer: Yeah… hello?
*Elvira walks in*
Elvira: Oh hey, honey! Welcome home!
Keifer: Hi mom! Mom this is Meg. She's my new girl.
Elvira: Aw how sweet. Another human! *bends over to whisper to Meg* Did he stick it in the oven? You might want to get tested. He's a mortal-chaser.
Meg: Huh?
*The Count from Sesame street walks in*
Count: 'ello!
Keifer: Dad, this is my new girl. Dad… Meg. Meg…. Dad.
Count: *looks her up and down* 2… 1…. ZERO BOOBS!
Elvira: *to Count* Honey, I missed my monthly gift and I gave myself a test… it's positive.
Count: One abortion, Two Abortion, Three Abortion, Four Abortion. FOUR ABORTION! AH-AH-AH! *runs away*
Keifer: So where's everyone else?
Elvira: I dunno. I'm a mom, not a nanny. Now where's that bottle of gin….? *wonders off*
Keifer: ok… so wanna go outside?
Meg: Ok I guess.
Keifer: Man what's with your personality? It's like your trying to allow other people to insert yourself into them.
Meg: Let's go outside already…
*they walk out the door to see this guy in the yard*
Keifer: Uh… hi?
*guy looks at them both*
Guy: ….You brought a snack.
Keifer: *Looks down at the Power Bar in his pocket and backs up* My Power Bar! Mine!
Guy: You can't date her, you piece of scum.
Keifer: Excuse me?
Guy: You heard me, cold one. I won't allow it. You're not human.
Keifer: Really…
Guy: Really.
Meg: Now, now, no need to fight over little old me…
Guys: SHUT UP!
Guy: Man I'd so tap that…. Hey, girl! Go out with me! I'm hotter. See I take off my clothes *rips off shirt*
Keifer: Enough of this, you emo native!
Guy: Let her decide what she wants to do!
Keifer: She's decided and we're totally getting married!
Meg: WHAT?
Keifer: Yeah.
Guy: You can't do that! RAWR! *turns into werewolf*
Keifer: RAWR! *his shirt rips off too*
*they fight… some reason*
Meg: *inches away into the forest*I'm gonna go now…
*fight continues*
*another guy comes in, stabbing the two with a steak*
That guy: Yeah! You've just been Helsing'd! Cause that's my show… Helsing'd. What. Boom.
*Meg comes back to Swanson home*
Meg: *runs off to gather things* I'm going home now!
Joe: Finally…
Mrs. Swanson: Nice…
Meg: Goodbye! I'm going back to Quahog. *leaves*
*Back at Griffen house*
Meg: *walks in* Mom, Dad I'm home!
Lois and Chris: OMG HI!
Peter and Stewie: G—f-ing dammit!
Brain: *with sarcasm* joy…
Meg: I'm so glad I'm back home. I'm sorry I did that.
Lois: Oh sweety it's ok...
*a tender moment between mother, son, and daughter*
*some guy bursts in to kill the moment, stabbing a steak into everyone*
Guy: Yeah! HAHA! Helsing'd motha f—ka! Yeah! MTV, bee-yotch!
*Meg wakes up*
Meg: HUH? *hears screaming and gets out of a tent to be in line for the premier of a Twilight movie*
Random girl: Yay! Robert Pattinson is here! AHHHHH!
Meg: Omg omg omg omg! Robert Pattinson! *runs over to the crowd as bodyguards are beating girls off with nightsticks*
Guard: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!
Guard 2: AHHH! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! Just to let you know, I love you!
Guard: I love you too!
Meg: Ah! Robert! *suddenly gets smacks by a stick before seeing him and lays there knocked out as she goes into another dream…..*
Meg: *stands there and sees a clown and some other guy in a bat costume*
Joker: Why so mildly unfunny?
Batman: I NEED CIGERETTES FOR THIS VOICE!
Meg: *shrugs* Here we go again….
-end-