Chapter 2
Clean Slate
After that night we were rarely apart. I wanted to be with her every waking moment but ever the strategist she disagreed with me. She said I wore my heart on my sleeve. Nonetheless we made time to be together. "People will know", she said. I didn't care about that but I respected her enough to be more discreet. Cyrus Beene, who had been my right hand man in California actually brought Olivia in and loved her so much. It was the best of both worlds for me. My two best friends were best friends as well. I told Cyrus everything. I just could not tell him about Olivia. She was too special. I promised myself I would guard that secret. I saw my polls rise with all the strategies and advise her expertise gave to the campaign. Everyone loved Olivia even Mellie. But I felt Mellie was a bit obsessed with Olivia. Every moment she got she would gush about her to me. I pretended that I wasn't paying attention. I guess my guilty conscience was getting the best of me. Not because of Mellie but because of Gerry and Karen. I love those kids and to them our marriage was perfect. I began to imagine the what ifs. If I lost the election I would not run for Governor of California again. Would I leave Mellie? How would the kids feel? Would I go back to Santa Barbara while my Livie remained in D.C. where she's from? Well I had no time to think of it then. We were always busy with speech writing, meeting donors and then I met him. Samuel Hunter, the wealthy donor who promised to give $10 million to my campaign. I noticed him and Olivia seemed a bit too friendly. Anger welled up. Was he a lover? That night in anger I literally banged on her door."Open up Olivia" "We weren't supposed to meet till tomorrow baby." I ignored her. "Who is Samuel Hunter to you?" She laughed. "Fitz he's an old friend." "I don't like the way he was looking at you." "Neither did I Fitz but he is a big donor so I had to put up with it" "Like a little whore right? Have you slept with him before," I asked angrily. "Really Fitz you a married man have the gall to ask me such a stupid question. Get out I won't speak to you when you get like this". I sighed and began to apologize. "I am sorry I just don't want to lose you. I can't bear to. You are mine." "Fitz, Sam and I are good friends. He was once interested but I wasn't. He is married and no we never had an affair. I guess being inappropriate with you makes me a whore right", she said with hurt in her eyes. I apologized once again. "Please just for one minute look at me." "No." "Please." "Okay", she says uneasily. "One minute." I take her in and my heart swells even more and even though she is ten years my junior I imagine how my life would have turned out if I had met her at Harvard instead of Mellie. I imagine her as my wife, the mother of my children and for the first time my head reconciles with my heart that this isn't fair to her. Am I being a selfish bastard? Yes the sex is good but it's more than that. I should ask her if she feels dirty about this affair. I start to but my heart and legs walk towards her and I am lost once again in her eyes. I kiss her as if my life depends on it. At this point she is crying but she gives in and I carry her to bed and we make love as if this will be our last day together. I am acutely aware that anything can happen and this will end. I block out those rational thoughts and try my best to please her in every way I can. I derive my joy in giving her what she needs. Her moaning and cries of my name assure me she wants to be here. When I feel her climax I let go to. It's beautiful music. So emotional. "You should go back", she says. "I know. But I want to stay here." "Mellie comes tomorrow Fitz. She will know." "I don't want you to feel I am here for this." "It's complicated but I love you Fitz. It's my cross and I carry it because I know you get me. I am weird you know but you get me." "Livie you are the only sane person in this relationship. Sweet baby, you saved me."
She laughs and kisses me. "Fitz I want to hear you call me sweet baby and mean it", she says. "Your wish is my command." I literally wanted her to feel and know she is that to me. We make love again and all I can remember is whispering sweet baby over and over again and sleeping off and waking up by 6: 30 am.
I rush out and to my surprise Mellie is there. "When did you get here?" "I got here last night. I wanted to surprise you but I guess you made other plans. "Um I was with Cyrus." "No you weren't, so who is she this time? I could not say a thing. "Fitz you are running for President and I am your wife. You have always told me when you need someone and I make that arrangement why are you hiding it now." I was a man that had needs but ever since Karen was born 10 years ago and the news of Mellie's former college lover's suicide got to us, I could count on my fingers how many times I have been intimate with my wife. She always brought escorts for me. They were always sworn to secrecy. "So who is she Fitz? I would never tell her but her silence told me she knew. "Do you love her?" "It's real this time Mellie." "So did you make love tonight? "We don't have to talk about this." "I know its Olivia", she says matter of factly. "How did you know," I ask. "I see her look at you, I see you. I know that look because you never look at me like you look at her." For a brief moment I felt Mellie was sad. "So is she really that good? Or is it because she is different you are drawn to her." "What?" "I wonder how your racist dad would feel about you having a black mistress." "Mellie", I say becoming irritated. "This is the twenty first century I don't know what you are insinuating but she is decent and lovely. We are done with this conversation." "Ok. Guess we pose for ice cream pictures today right. At least you slept like a baby."