Author's Note: My favorite part of the whole storyline is, I think, the Tokyo arc, where everything falls to pieces and changes completely. That was the point where I thought the story really became cool. But once Fai becomes a vampire, they hardly ever go back to explore what it did to his relationship with Kurogane. I can recall one time where we actually got to see Fai drinking Kurogane's blood after that, and then soon after everything gets resolved again. So I decided to delve a little deeper.
You said that you would die for me
You must live for me too
- "Cat and Mouse" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
for NewMoonFlicker, who made me persevere
Kurogane knew that Fai was angry. The anger was palpable, rolling off the spindly man in waves. It didn't show on Fai's face, of course – nothing ever did. No, Fai was all smiles as usual, speaking softly and pleasantly to Mokona and the other people in the building.
But he didn't tease Kurogane. He didn't poke at him, or call him cutesy names. He barely spoke to Kurogane at all, and when he did it was short and cold. Emotionless. The one eye he had left was blank and flat, like a frozen pond gone opaque in a winter chill. He smiled, of course, but when had that meant anything? It didn't reach his eye, didn't do a thing to warm its ice.
And he called Kurogane by his full name. That had been the biggest shock, after weeks and weeks of enduring stupid nicknames like Kuro-poo or Kurgles or even Kuro-wan-wan (he shuddered just remembering that one). Now Fai avoided calling him by name at all, and when he absolutely had to, he said Kurogane in that cold voice that said, I no longer care about the relationship we've built between us.
Kurogane tried to ignore all of this and keep to himself while they waited for Sakura to return from her quest. Fai would get over it, and even if he didn't, that was fine too. Kurogane wouldn't have made a different choice even if he could live it over again, and he knew he was in the right, so Fai could just go and sulk all he wanted. Nothing was going to change his mind. He tried to convince himself Fai's change didn't hurt.
Finally Kurogane realized he had to approach Fai and force conversation on him. He pulled Fai into the room the five of them had been sharing to sleep and tend to their wounds. "What is it?" Fai asked pleasantly, looking out the window rather than at him.
"You need to get stronger," Kurogane said stiffly, feeling the tension rise between them now that there was no one else in the room to diffuse some of it. "Your wounds are still healing, and we need to leave as soon as the princess returns. Since you're a...vampire...now," he stumbled over the unfamiliar word, "I figure drinking my blood will help more than any amount of food and rest."
Fai didn't turn around, but his shoulders tensed as Kurogane spoke. "I'm not going to drink any more of your blood, Kurogane."
The sound of his full name still stung, no matter how many times he told himself that was stupid. He didn't have a problem with anyone else calling him that. It had been unbearably annoying when Fai and Mokona had called him all those stupid nicknames. But...it wasn't Fai if he wasn't annoying.
"You have to," Kurogane growled, unwinding the bandage around his forearm. "Or else you'll die."
Fai turned around to look at him, his pupil now a hungry slit as Fai smelled Kurogane's blood starting to trickle down his arm. He just looked blankly back at Kurogane, as if to say, So what?
Kurogane's hands curled into fists. "You want to die, don't you?"
He leaned casually against the wall, the faint smile back on his face. "That was the original plan. But you ruined everything, didn't you?"
Kurogane snorted. "Got that right. I'm not going to let you become a tragic hero. You're supposed to be the comic relief."
"You've given up far too much to save my life, Kurogane. I'm not worth that."
Grinding his teeth, Kurogane shoved his bloody wrist under Fai's nose. "The price is paid and there's no going back. Now drink."
"No."
"Drink the damn blood, Fai!"
He wasn't sure if it was the use of Fai's name – as unusual as the lack of cute nicknames – or if he had just pushed the man too far. Fai's single eye flashed dangerously, murderously, and he lunged forward like a snake striking at its prey. Sharp teeth plunged into Kurogane's wounded flesh, making him wince despite himself. He could feel Fai sucking the blood from his veins, and then as quickly as it had started, it was over. Fai dropped Kurogane's arm and stalked away, wiping his bloody chin on the back of his hand.
At first he thought Fai was going to leave, but he only crossed the room and picked up the bandages that had seen heavy use lately. He returned to Kurogane's side and handed him the bandages without looking at him. Blood still circled his mouth. "I would have gladly given up my life for you."
Kurogane took the bandages in one hand, and grabbed Fai's chin with the other. He turned it roughly around, forcing Fai to look him in the eye. "Then live for me."
It was hard for the next several weeks. They passed through more worlds, but no matter how many times the scenery changed around them, Kurogane could still feel the same tension and anger in Fai. There was still an awful distance between them, but Kurogane tried to get used to it. He had never sought Fai's companionship in the first place, so this shouldn't be such a big deal.
Of course, they were inextricably linked, and had to keep enduring each other's presence so Fai could drink Kurogane's blood. He never attacked Kurogane with the viciousness he had shown in Tokyo; if anything, he seemed remorseful for the damage he had inflicted on Kurogane's wounded arm. He lapped up the blood that trickled from the cut they never let heal completely, his tongue running carefully over the jagged edges his teeth had torn in the skin. Like a dog who had bitten his own master's hand and kept on licking it in apology.
Fai never looked at Kurogane when he was finished. He would straighten, lick the last drops of blood from his lips, and move aside for Kurogane to wrap the bandages around his wrist again. Often, he would hesitate as though on the verge of saying something, but then he would close his mouth and leave the room, head down and shoulders stiff.
But Kurogane wasn't so shallow as to retaliate. He let Fai continue acting like an idiot, because he knew there were more important things to focus on. Besides, no matter what Fai did, they would have to stick together or Fai would die. And Kurogane had given up far too much to let that happen if he could help it.
Especially after he had sacrificed his entire left arm to save the idiot's life, and found himself back in Nihon, lying in a soft bed in a safe sanctuary. It would take a while to get used to only having one arm, but he didn't regret the sacrifice. When the alternative was Fai dying...well, somehow it didn't seem so bad.
Once Princess Tomoyo was finished filling him in on what had happened, the door slid open and Fai stepped through, decked out in a kimono. "Hey," Kurogane greeted him, awkwardly aware of his empty left sleeve.
Fai smoothly approached, expression unreadable, and punched Kurogane as hard as he could. Kurogane nearly fell out of bed, and clutched his smarting cheek, staring up at Fai in surprise. He must be really angry, to-
But Fai was smiling, and this time his blue eye twinkled like a forest pool disturbed by children splashing each other. "That's payback for being stupid...Kuro-sama."
Warmth filled Kurogane's heart, and he smirked up at Fai. "You're welcome, idiot."
Princess Tomoyo left them soon, and Kurogane pulled out his knife. He held it out to Fai. "Here, you need some blood. I can't cut my wrist with just one arm."
Slowly, Fai took the knife and looked at it. For a moment his expression was as frigid and unreadable as it had been for so long, but then he sat on the edge of the bed and took Kurogane's hand in his own.
"I'm sorry," he said.
Kurogane wasn't sure for what – the pain and discomfort of drinking his blood, the rift in their relationship until now, or for making Kurogane give up so much for him. Maybe all of them at once.
Maybe it didn't matter.
"Don't be."
The cold, clean pain slid across his wrist, and Fai drank his blood. When he was done, he wrapped a bandage around Kurogane's wrist himself, and let his hand linger on it for a moment. "Just a drop in the bucket," he murmured
It wasn't until Fai gave up the last of his magic to give him an arm that Kurogane understood what he meant. So this was what it looked like to live for each other.