A/N: First ever fic! Set leading on from the gay bar scene in 3x05, mainly Blaine inner monologue. Enjoy :)
"I'm sorry if I'm trying to be spontaneous and fun!" Blaine cried, throwing his arms up in frustration. Kurt spluttered, not knowing what to say. Blaine's blood was pounding in his ears as he stood panting and looking at Kurt. After a moment he made up his mind.
"I think I'm just gonna walk home." He threw at Kurt, all the fight going out of him as he turned to leave the parking lot.
Kurt called after him, "Blaine!", but to no avail, as Blaine was walking out as quickly as the alcohol and confusion oozing through his veins would allow him. Thoughts were racing through his head too quickly for him to process them, and he walked until he heard the slam of a car door that meant Kurt had given up.
Blaine stumbled along the track leading from the parking lot to the road, then turned left to follow the road that lead him home. It wasn't long before the cool Autumn wind whipping his face and lapping at his bare hands and ankles, combined with the emotional hurricane battering his head from the inside, became too much, and he collapsed against a tree. Drawing his knees up, he wrapped his arms around them and rested his head on the nest of limbs, breaths raggedy and exaggerated. The pulse of music emanating from Scandals in the background was barely heard by Blaine, as he gave in to his anguish and squeezed his eyes closed to allow the tears to fall.
A car, which he suspected to be Kurt's, made its way past him, but Blaine stayed hidden in the shadows, mulling over the evening. His mind was clearer as his breaths became slower, which allowed him to concentrate.
Thinking back, he could understand Kurt's perspective. He had, after all, danced with Sebastian for a while, but Kurt knew how he felt about Sebastian, didn't he? Or did he? Blaine sniffed, and sat up straighter. Now he thought about it, Blaine himself wasn't sure how he felt about Sebastian. Sure, he was hot and smart, his voice was good and he was easy to talk to, but that didn't mean that Blaine was in any way attracted to him. He had Kurt, right?
Blaine stood up, walking slowly along the edge of the road. He liked Sebastian. It wasn't surprising - after all, Sebastian represented everything Blaine felt he had been missing out on over the past couple of weeks. Sebastian was mysterious. He was spontaneous and decadent. He represented excitement and adventure to Blaine. And he was a Warbler. Dalton was his home. Blaine thought about these factors, turning them over in his mind. It made sense to him, he found, that he should want to be Sebastian's friend. But nothing more.
For when Blaine turned his mind to Kurt, butterflies appeared in his stomach, and a warm glow filled him. Kurt represented so much more to him than Sebastian. Kurt represented loyalty, honesty, compassion and love. No, Blaine smiled to himself, Kurt was love to Blaine. Kurt was Blaine's one and only love. And that was the difference between his feelings towards the two boys. Sebastian interested him, Kurt meant the world to him.
Blaine reached into his pocket, any misgivings he had had thrown away by his revelation. He opened his contact list and had his thumb hovering over Kurt's name when he stopped. Not tonight, he told himself. Kurt was probably still upset with him, and Blaine could see why now. Kurt loved Blaine, and wanted their first time to be special, and not in any way associated with another boy. Blaine felt bad for trying to force Kurt into it, but knew now that, when the time was right, it would happen.
Blaine tapped the 'Message' button next to Kurt's name and tapped out a short text, which he didn't expect or need a reply to. He just wanted to save Kurt the pain of thinking Blaine didn't care.
I was wrong, I'm so sorry. B x
He replaced his phone and picked up his walking pace, keen to get home for a good night of sleep ready for the musical tomorrow. Kurt needed his space, and Blaine would give Kurt anything.