Original edgy summary: 3 months ago, Matthew left this world. 3 weeks ago, Gilbert went to his funeral. 3 days ago, Gilbert's father left on a business trip. 3 hours ago, Gilbert cleaned his house to get Matthew off his mind. 3 minutes ago, Gilbert was listening to music. 3 seconds ago, Gilbert was alive.

Author's Note: Ok… I wrote this a long time ago when I was in a bad place in life. I've been going through my docs and finding my old stories. It's been interesting seeing how I thought back then. I'm posting this because I figure there are people that are going through the same I did and thought it may help them in a way.

_._

Gilbert looked around, scanning the living room.

Upstairs, downstairs, the basement, and attic were all cleaned; garbage picked up, vacuumed, all of the dishes were cleaned and put away, every room was dusted. He went grocery shopping and mowed the front and back yard. He fed the fish and cleaned their tanks. He also fed the dogs and the cat, and gave each a treat. He even cleaned out everything from his car and got it washed.

After checking everything off his list, he looked at the time, 2:46pm. His brother would be home by 4:00, so he went upstairs, hoping nobody would be angry at him for skipping school. He plugged his phone into his radio, picked a song, and decided to lay down for a few minutes.

Here I stand

Helpless and left for dead

The instrumental started. He loved music, he always gets chills he when he listens to it. They would go up his spine and down his arms.

Close your eyes, so many days go by

Easy to find what's wrong

Harder to find what's right

Matthew used to loved this song. He could resonate with every word. Gilbert would almost get annoyed by the constant loop Matthew would play.

I believe in you, I can show you that

I can see right through all your empty lies

I won't stay long, in this world so wrong

He sat up and grabbed the hardcover book he used to write on in bed, along with a piece of paper and a pen. Writing has always been something he loved to do. Both Matthew and Gilbert loved it. That's how they met. Matthew had dropped his book, and Gilbert, being the gentlemen he was, picked them up for him. One of them happened to be open and Gilbert read the title, 'Awesome Little Polar Bears'. He had instantly loved it, and Matthew.

Say goodbye, as we dance with the Devil tonight

Don't you dare look at him in the eye

As we dance with the Devil tonight

Dance. Gilbert chuckled at the memory of his first school dance. Matthew had actually worn a full suit. Tie and all. That was the first time Matthew and Gilbert kissed. They were both so awkward, he guessed it couldn't be helped though. Two teens dancing… Well, trying to anyway, Gilbert couldn't resist anymore and just went for it. Apparently Matthew felt the same.

Trembling, crawling across my skin

Feeling your cold dead eyes

Stealing the life of mine

He hated the way this part was phrased, but it was mostly true. Matthew's eyes were never cold, but the rest is accurate. They were always warm, and full of peace. At least, until high school.

I believe in you, I can show you that

I can see right through all your empty lies

I won't last long, in this world so wrong

The beginning of high school… He felt horrible, Matthew lied over and over, saying he was fine. Matthew lied. It was never fine, then or now. Matthew wouldn't ever feel "fine" again, not as long as he was in that evil school.

Say goodbye, as we dance with the Devil tonight

Don't you dare look at him in the eye

As we dance with the Devil tonight

The Devil? Who would that be? Someone or something? Does it spread death, chaos, and destruction? Is it silent? A fox hiding among rabbits?

Is the Devil the one who whispers in his ear? Is the Devil the one who took Matthew? Or was it God? Did God do this? Matthew did nothing but love people. Even the ones who wanted to hurt him.

How can any God of anything do that to his people?

Hold on, hold on

Gilbert had a plan for himself, to get a job, marry Matthew, maybe adopt a kid… Tears started to fall down the sides of his face. Holding on to Matthew was like a curse, because he couldn't let him go. How could he?

Say goodbye, as we dance with the Devil tonight

Don't you dare look at him in the eye

As we dance with the devil tonight

They both must have been cursed. The Devil… or God, whatever it is, it took Matthew first, now it moved on to him. Gilbert wondered if he's just insane, or does this happens to everybody.

'I hope it's only us. Matthew does to. I know it.'

Hold on, hold on

The music slowed down, Gilbert noticed that he was wheezing, tears streaming down his face. He sounded like an animal being tortured, which wasn't that far off. He through the book and pen he was writing with across the room and set the paper on the nightstand.

Goodbye

Gilbert was shaking, he felt the adrenaline pumping through his system. He slipped off of his bed and crouched in front of the nightstand. He slammed the drawer open, moving the papers and random junk away from a can of beer and a single prescription bottle.

The bottle was filled with different types of medication, his brother had one prescription for OCD, and his father had multiple problems with all kinds of prescribed medications. Gilbert didn't want his family to go without their meds, so he only took a few from each bottle.

His hand shook as he reached for the bottle, but he thought about Matthew. How he went throw the bullying, the loneliness, his uncaring family. Everyone and everything was against him. Gilbert was the only one ever there for him, and every second he spends in this world is another second Matthew spends alone. Gilbert felt like he was going to puke.

"Matthew's waiting for me", he said slowly, his voice cracking.

Gilbert grabbed the prescriptions and the beer can from inside his nightstand. He sat back on his bed, twisting the cap on the prescription bottle. He looked down on it, there were red, white, orange, and green pills all mixed together.

His stomach started aching, his head was spinning, and sweat was pouring off of his palms. He set the pill bottle on the nightstand and opened the beer. He took a huge gulp.

It was so quiet. In his house, outside, he felt like the whole world was asleep. The whole world would miss his reunion with his Matthew.

The Adrenalin started pumping again, he started shaking more. Gilbert took another mouthful of beer, but instead of swallowing, he grabbed the pills and dumped them all in his mouth. He hesitated.

'Am I doing this? Isn't this just a dream? A bad nightmare?' He questioned.

'If it is, I want to wake up.'

He swallowed. Some of the pills clumped up in his throat, which tasted horrible. He drank the rest of the beer and throw the can towards to garbage can. He missed.

Gilbert sat there.

He sat, waiting for something to happen. The tears in his eyes had dried. His head felt less hazy. He really didn't like it, he doesn't want to think. He only wants Matthew. But… Would Mathew want him to do this? Gilbert remembered the note Matthew left behind.

It said, "Nobody should ever want to die. Life is too precious to be thrown away, and it sadly is all the time. I'm still writing to try to convince myself not to do this. But, there's not much stopping me, so I guess this is goodbye? I love you, whoever takes the time to read this."

Gilbert's eyes slowly widened. He started to fully understand what Matthew meant. He slammed his eyes shut and screamed. He jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. His grandfather keep a supply of whiskey and other assorted liquors, so Gilbert grabbed the biggest bottle he could find; rum.

He opened the half empty bottle and chugged, blocking out the heat in his throat. It spilled down his shirt and onto the counter. He drank more and more before he felt tired. He finished the rum and grabbed a smaller whiskey bottle for the trip up to his room.

"Why was I crying?" He slurred. "I don't remember."

Gilbert reached his room started to walk to his bed, but he didn't make it. He collapsed onto the floor. He coughed, blood splattering on the carpet. He laid there, the world started fading away.

He smiled.

It was so quiet. Peaceful. How he wanted it. How Matthew did it.

I have half of the next chapter done... If anyone's interested in it, leave a comment telling me.