Author: ED of Oblivion
Title: Hope
Rating: G (K)
Genre: Romance
Summary: A monologue from our favorite magician, Mahado reflects on his feelings for his beloved Master Yuugi. (One-shot) (hints of MahadoxYuugi)
Warnings: Light shounen-ai ("boy love").
Disclaimers: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!. Yu-Gi-Oh! belongs solely to Kazuki Takahashi. I am making no profit off of this fiction.
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Hope
"I have given up on looking for love… but I still have hope it will find me." -Unknown
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Sometimes I like to watch Master sleep. Not in the mortal realm, mind you. Shadow creatures are not permitted to wander among the human world, at least not unless we are summoned. No, I like to watch Master sleep in his soul room. Pharaoh is kind enough to let me do so. Not that Pharaoh is not kind all of the time. Pharaoh is very generous. He cares for Master as much as I do, but sometimes I feel that I might care for Master just a little bit more…
I wonder what Master dreams about when he sleeps. There are times when he suddenly smiles and stirs slightly, only to drift back into the unconsciousness known as slumber. I am curious as to what is making that smile appear. Sometimes I find myself wishing that it is me who is producing that smile, and me who is receiving it, but I am often left with an ache in my heart. Is it wrong to wish these things? I often think so… but how can I not? Who would not wish to be given the gift of a smile so wonderful, especially from one so pure and innocent as Master…?
The first time I ever truly met Master was in the chambers of Pharaoh's mind. All I remember was the feeling of a vague disturbance in one of the rooms, and I was there. It was on impulse; my mind was set on protecting Pharaoh. I had always protected Pharaoh. From the moment he was born into the mortal realm he was my responsibility. And to suddenly appear and realize that the supposed threat is only Master, I shudder to think that I had almost attacked him. He appeared frightened; I wanted to stop and assure him, tell him that it was all a mistake, but it was as if an unknown force was preventing me from reason. The stranger that came with Master was set on destroying me, and I was sure Master would hate me, thinking also that I was a threat… until I heard him speak those words:
"He would never hurt me."
As those words reached my ears, whatever it was that had its control on me vanished. I could move freely once more, suddenly feeling a desire to go to Master, hold him and tell him how sorry I was. I could not, though. His words were still echoing in my head, and I could only do as he bid. I lowered my staff.
He would never hurt me…
I could hear the stranger's thoughts, reflecting on my behavior. My eyes, however, were focused on Master. The tiny glint of fear in his gaze had been replaced with another human emotion… relief, perhaps? Possibly hope?
Hope…
In a human dictionary I once obtained, hope was defined as "the general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled" and "to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence." If these definitions are correct and I had read his eyes accurately, then Master had had a desire that day… involving myself. The mere thought gives me a lifting sensation in my stomach, but why? Why do I find my spirit lifting at the thought of Master? Clearly it is not a way to conduct one's self as a servant to a higher rank, but I find that I simply cannot suppress the feeling, whatever it may be.
That day, as I unconsciously faded back into the realm of shadow, I saw the look in Master's eyes as I vanished. The "hope" emotion was gone, replaced now by one of… sadness? Master was sad that I was leaving? Or was it because…?
Had I taken away his hope?
Nevertheless, Master still smiles at me. Well… not exactly at me; it is my card he smiles at. (To my surprise, I am his favorite. Pharaoh told me so.) After our meeting in Pharaoh's subconscious, Master has taken to talking to my card, but the way he speaks, it feels as though he is talking directly to me. He talks of many things: his troubles, his desires… there are times when he even asks questions. I wish I could answer him; his quiet conversations make me feel alive, as if I am sitting next to him in the mortal world. And yet, even when I cannot speak verbally to him, he always leaves me with another innocent, content smile. I like it when he smiles.
I think about Master a lot, I've found; not a moment goes by that I do not picture Master in my mind. I take pride in fighting for and defending him, just as I do with Pharaoh. It is strange, though: I have always protected and fought for Pharaoh, and he has always been my friend, but when I am on the field of battle, there are times when the only person I think of to protect… is Master. The first occasion nearly horrified me; I had thought not of two existences to protect, but only one, and it was not Pharaoh, the person I had sworn my life to.
I told Pharaoh. I had felt ashamed, perhaps worthless, maybe even disgusted with myself. Pharaoh did not see the same through his eyes, however. He asked of me, what was it, rather than himself, that my mind was thinking of? I told him it was Master. I could see a smile beginning to form on his face, and he asked me again, did I regret thinking of Master? My lips opened to respond positively, that yes, I felt regret, in an automatic response to please Pharaoh. But my breath had caught, and as the image of Master flooded my mind, I found myself shaking my head slowly.
No.
No, I did not feel regret in thinking of Master in place of Pharaoh.
But why?
It is love, Pharaoh had told me. He explained to me as I sat and listened to him: I was bound to him through my willingness to serve him both as a servant and a friend, but Master was different through my eyes. He was clearly special to me in a way unlike my bond with Pharaoh. Pharaoh explained everything to me: what it meant when my heart quickened and pounded beneath my chest, how it was that I could unconsciously cheer Master in his times of need, and why it was that waves of content flooded through my body at the mere mention of his name.
So now, as I sit by Master's bed and watch him dream, I realize that it is love, an undying affection for that of another person. I've realized that Master is beautiful, especially when he smiles. I've realized just how soft his hair is from petting it absently while he sleeps. I've realized that holding his hand and stroking it lightly with a thumb can comfort him when he has a nightmare.
I've realized that there is always hope when you love someone so much that it hurts.
Maybe someday I will be able to sit and talk with him face-to-face about his troubles. Maybe someday I will see that smile and know that it is for me. Maybe someday… I will be able to tell him that I love him.
Maybe…
Until then, I can only wait… and hope.
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OWARI
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I've always loved the possibility of the Mahado/Yuugi pairing; it has and remains to be my favorite yaoi pairing of this fandom. I think it works out quite well, too: the Black Magician is Yuugi's favorite card, and how can you not love little Yuugi?
About halfway through writing this, somewhere in the middle I almost felt like giving up; I had never written something as deep as this before, and I felt like I couldn't properly write out Mahado's thoughts. There was so much to work with, and it almost scared me when I got to the middle and felt that I couldn't do it. I'm just glad that I kept going and got it done, because I'm so proud of what it turned out to be.
I really hope you all enjoyed reading this, because after finishing it just now I feel really excited about posting it. Any reviews and comments are gladly accepted. So are flames; you guys can be as rough as you want with any of my work. Either way, I'm not stopping. XD
And for those of you who are eagerly (and incredibly patiently, I might add) waiting for chapter two of His Gentle Eyes, fear not! That's coming next!
Thanks a bundle, everybody!
-EDWARD-