Summer
Jimmy had asked Thomas earlier that day to meet him outside where the pair usually smoked. When Thomas left Downton and walked outside with the afternoon sun ripe in the sky he saw him smoking a cigarette, the smoke wafting up towards the sky blending silently with the feathery clouds. The kind of clouds found only in summer that lace the blue haze of temperate waters and cool dewy grass nights under the stars. Jimmy was summer; he was warm July nights spent in contraband waters when abandonment slips into the night air with whispers of indulgence and adventure. He was blazing August, in shades of red and yellow and expansive blue on the days when the clouds take hold of your imagination and the grass as cool as ice in the heat seem to be infinite under bare feet. He was everything warm and wonderful and alive and Thomas didn't think he could ever look away from the golden haired boy whose cigarette smoke was like a siren in Thomas's ears calling him closer to the rocky shores of disastrous temptation.
When he saw Thomas, Jimmy gave him an elastic grin that if the older man hadn't known better would have meant more than a simple greeting. "Hello Jimmy," Thomas could of just said hello, but he found some comfort in saying the other man's name, that he could say it without being chastised or receiving callous glares. They hadn't been friends that long, for no more than a few months and neither of them had specifically asked to meet the other anywhere. Thomas had decided to let Jimmy take the lead in their precarious relationship for obvious reasons.
"Hi, how has your day been?" Jimmy seemed a bit more nervous than usual. He kept putting his hands in his pockets only to remove them and put them back in.
"It was good, busy, but good. What is it you wanted to talk about?" Thomas couldn't help but smile at the fidgety blonde.
"I'm still in me livery as are you, but I was wondering if in a bit you might want to join me in town for drinks. As friendship and such. We could meet back here in an hour or so and walk there." Jimmy wore one of those Jimmy smiles or that's how Thomas thought of them. They filled his face, but never quite reached his eyes. Thomas had, previously considered asking Jimmy what was wrong, but on all occasions this thought crossed his mind he immediately dismissed it knowing that his prying would only make Jimmy uncomfortable.
"Yeah that would be nice." This only caused Jimmy to smile more, but the grin had an edge of anxiety that Thomas feared was brought on by guilt. "You know you don't have to do this. I mean inviting me to go with you or anything if it makes you uncomfortable."
"No, no it not that." Jimmy put his hands up defensively, "I wouldn't be asking if I didn't want to. I just thought that if were to be friends we should get to know each other is all." Thomas resisted the urge to blush at the younger's words.
"Ok," Thomas smiled and a bit of the tension Jimmy had been carrying seemed to disappear. "I just don't want you thinking that you have to do anything. I wouldn't feel right if you did it because-." Thomas didn't finish the thought, but both men knew what he was about to say. He was about to say because you were guilty. Neither had spoken of the events that transpired that day, nor of the ones a year earlier but they hung in the air between them as a reminder of what they were to each other.
"No, I want to," Jimmy began, "I wasn't sure you'd say yes." He had that anticipatory nervousness one might have on a first date. There was something about nervous Jimmy that Thomas found oddly endearing. The way he couldn't hold still and his expression kept going back and forth between a nervous smile and indifference like he couldn't decide how he felt.
"You act like were getting married." Thomas made an attempt at humor he immediately regretted, but as soon as he heard Jimmy's laugh his eyes shot up, gaze focusing on the laughing blonde in front of him. Jimmy's curl shook lose with laughter and fell in his face. It was than that Thomas realized he almost never saw Jimmy laugh like he was than. It wasn't loud or grand, but it was real and honest and the way Jimmy looked right at Thomas made him feel horribly sad and horribly happy all at once.
"So I'll see you tonight than?" Jimmy said still smiling. This time a small, but real smile. One that reached his eyes.
"Yes, here?" Jimmy nodded and for a moment they just locked gazes, lazy smiles playing at both their lips lost in each other's eyes. Thomas thought that if he didn't know better this would be the moment he would kiss Jimmy. He would walk slowly closing the distance in-between them and ask the question with his eyes and nothing more. He would lean in and place his hand in Jimmy's rough one. Jimmy's hands were rough, this Thomas knew. Before he felt them he had imagined them being soft despite a life in service, but they were worn and rough and warm and fit so perfectly in Thomas's that it made his heart ache for the boy that stood in front of him. Jimmy's lips were soft though this Thomas also knew and if he didn't know better he would press his lips against Jimmy's, but he did know better and it was this thought that made Thomas turn and walk away with a see you later. What Thomas didn't know was after he walked away Jimmy didn't move entrapped by the thought of Thomas's lips against his.
Later that evening the pair walked into town with a comfortable silence between them. It was August and the late summer sun had only just begun to set, casting a warm purple glow across the dirt road. Thomas would remember perfectly the way the setting sun reflected off Jimmy's lustrous hair making it glow a soft strawberry color and the blue in his eyes flashed indigo whenever he glanced at the ebony haired man. Jimmy walked with comfortable ease into town with Thomas at arms length distance apart. Thomas made sure to move away whenever Jimmy carelessly drifted toward him keeping space between the two. It was habit more than anything. When he was young he always believed people could tell from the slightest thing, walking to lose looking too long. It was an absurd notion, but the familiar paranoia never left. Although rooted in the same anxiety, the reason was a bit different now; he didn't want Jimmy to think he still thought of him that way. That he still wanted him and that he couldn't handle himself.
When they arrived in town the sun had just set, a hazy glitter of summer light barely visible in the early night sky. Jimmy had offered to buy Thomas a drink, in fact, too much of Thomas's surprise, he insisted, saying that now they were friends he better get used to it. Jimmy took Thomas into the Dog and Duck.
"There's a table over here." Thomas fallowed Jimmy weaving in and out of the crowds to a small empty table sitting by an old, dusty, piano. After they were seated Jimmy waved a hand, getting the attention of a waitress. He smiled at her as she walked toward him and Thomas felt a tinge of jealousy from the flirtatious look he gave the young blonde woman. "A pint for me and another for my friend over here." The waitress wrote down the order and left to retrieve their drinks. "Bloody hell." Thomas's attention turned back to Jimmy who was searching through his pockets, looking for something.
"What's that matter?" Thomas asked Jimmy who now looked like he was deep in thought.
"I forgot me money back at Downton." Jimmy responded looking rather forlorn.
"No problem, I can pay. I do make more than you after all." Thomas offered taking out his wallet. "You can pay me back if you want, but there's no need."
"No I can't let you do that." Jimmy whined, "I said I would pay and Ill pay. I can't just go breaking my word." Thomas wondered where this new gallant Jimmy had come from and found that as annoying as it was he liked it, but nevertheless they couldn't walk back to Downton.
"Well what do you plan on doing walking back to Downton? I'll be half past midnight by the time you get back." Thomas exaggerated, but he couldn't bear the thought of their evening being ruined because of Jimmy's stubbornness.
"No, I have an idea." When the waitress returned with their drinks Jimmy flashed her another playful smile making her giggle and Thomas began to wonder if the plan involved flirting with the young woman until she gave it to them on the house. Thomas decided he didn't much care for that plan. "Would it be possible for you to fetch the manager of this exquisite establishment for me? I'd like to speak to him." The waitress set down their drinks before fluttering her eyes and agreeing to the request. When she left Jimmy turned to Thomas and rolled his eyes and all the jealousy he felt earlier was gone.
The manager was a burley man with a thick red beard. His eyes were dark brown almost black and looked unproportionally small to the rest of his face. He was over six feet and the upmost definition of intimidating. "What'd you want?" He said in a strong Yorkshire accent with a voice that sounded like two trees going through a cheese grater.
"You see sir, I owe my friend here a drink and it seems I've left my wallet at home." Jimmy said unwavering.
"No money no service. I have a right mind to toss you both out by the shirt-collars all by me self, but I'll let you leave while you still have a shred of your dignity on your own two feet." If Jimmy was afraid of the man he didn't show it.
"I see you have a piano over there." Jimmy said smiling.
"Yeah and what of it." The Manager said gruffly. He gave Jimmy a look and leaned into the blonde. Thomas could smell the beer and sweat rolling off him.
"How about I make a deal with you, I play the piano for these drinks here and if I bring in a crowd you make sure my friend and I don't leave this bar sober." Jimmy shifted back in his seat showing for the first time nervousness at the giant man, but the manager didn't seem to notice, too wrapped up in considering Jimmy's proposal.
"How 'bout I let you have these two drinks if ya' play and we'll see about the second part alright?" The man finally responded. Thomas was just relieved they weren't getting thrown out, but Jimmy seemed oddly ecstatic he gave the bartender a look that somewhat worried Thomas. It was the look he gave when he was gambling and Thomas didn't want Jimmy doing anything stupid for the blonde's sake as well as his own. Jimmy agreed to the terms and when the bartender left he turned to Thomas.
"You'll be drunk by the end of the night you'll see." Jimmy said and before Thomas could respond he was off making his was through the crowd toward the dusty old piano. There was something contradictory about Jimmy sitting at that old piano. There was Jimmy and his youth and life and than there was the piano dusty and neglected. Than again, Thomas thought, maybe it isn't so odd at all. They were like two sides of a coin, the young and the old, but both very much alive in there own way. Jimmy alive in the moment and the piano in the past, in every player before, and in every moment like this. He wondered how many people fell in love to music coming from that piano and for a second he envied them, but than he remembered he was already in love and his heart contracted at the thought of what he would never have.
Jimmy was like the breath and the piano the lungs and when his fingers hit the keys Thomas thought it must have been his breath he used to play because suddenly it was stolen from him. The world around him seemed to move to the beat of Jimmy's music, but Thomas only barely registered this he was too entrapped with the young piano player. The blonde played differently here than at Downton, more freely; it was like the music itself had more room to move. Thomas couldn't look away from the blonde not even enough to notice that the room had gotten considerably more crowded and that many of the patrons were now dancing. Jimmy played a few more songs, most fast, but he ended on a slow waltz that got the crowd drunk off the music and the hum of romance that hung in the air. The old piano had a rough edge to the sound that was perfect for a slow song and as Thomas sipped one of the drinks the bartender had brought he couldn't help but imagine him and Jimmy dancing to this song, bodies pressed together moving slowly across the moonlit floor.
When Jimmy finished playing it was late and most of the crowd was already filling out for the night, but Thomas and Jimmy stayed at their corner table and drank the many drinks brought to them. They stayed until they were both exceptionally drunk, laughing and talking and just being friends. By the time the pair left Jimmy could hardly stand and Thomas didn't fare much better. They stumbled out onto the street, into the cool night air. A breeze fluttered past carrying the smell of wildflowers and cut grass and cooling Thomas's flushed cheeks. He looked over at Jimmy, his hair had fallen in his face and he looked up pointing a drunken finger at the sharp cloudless light sky. It was a full moon and the gray light cast a misty sapphire glow on the village. Thomas thought for the first time that he could be happy if he never left Downton as long as Jimmy was with him. Jimmy pointed and said in an almost whisper, "Look at the stars Thomas." He took his other hand and rested it on Thomas's shoulder for support. Thomas looked first at the stars which in his drunken state seemed much more brilliant than any other night than at Jimmy who wore a smile he had never seen him ware. It was the most magnificent thing Thomas had ever seen. Jimmy's blonde hair had fallen in his face so his blue eyes were barely visible, but still they glowed with a wondrous expression he had yet to see on the young blonde. Jimmy than turned to Thomas and a small hopeful drunken voice said that that wild and impossible smile grew as he looked into his eyes for a split second longer than he ever had before. Thomas didn't remember when they finally headed back to Downton. The rest of the night had been a blur. He remembered walking back in the same complacent silence they had come in on and helping a drunk Jimmy up the stairs, having to hush him more than once as to not wake Carson. He remembered that he didn't sleep that night still drunk off Jimmy's smile and feeling a buzz from where they had touched.