The Cullen's daily life - a collection of random one shots
I HAVE BEEN READING FUNNY ONE SHOTZ ON HERE 4 A WHILE AND WAS INSPIRED 2 RITE MY OWN SO PLZ REVEIW IT WUD MEAN EVERYTHING 2 ME I WILL RITE A BUNCH OF ONE SHOTZ EACH ONCE FOCASING ON DIFFERENT MEMBERS OF THE CULLENS , WOLVES OR THE VOLTURI - I WILLL RITE ABOUT 6 CHAPTAS MAYBE MORE IF I GET THE REVEIWS ! SO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT SO PLZ REVEIW !
Chapter 1 – Fangless
Emmett Cullen sat looking at the celling whilst tapping his chin , with his index finger . His wife , Rosalie Was flipping through fashion magazines , her blonde hair was falling freely down her back . "What are you doing ?" Rosalie questioned , eyeing her husband suspiciously , putting her magazine next to her on their bed ."This is my thinking face , I'm thinking !" He replied back simply , his golden eyes never leaving the celling . "Well stop it , you look constipated !" He stopped 'thinking' before turning to his wife and pouting . Rose just sighed and left the room . Emmett immediately followed . Once they were in the living room , Emmett started 'thinking' again but this time without the face . Edward and Bella sat with their hands entwined in one another's , Nessie sat on Bella's knee twirling her long , brown hair in her hands . On the other couch sat Alice shopping on the internet , her husband Jasper was engrossed in his book he had recently purchased through Ebay ; 101 reasons why the Union sucks ! Carlisle was sitting at the dining table- that was never used for dining – completing his work from the hospital and his wife Esme was cleaning her already spotless , antique coffee table . Jacob was sleeping on the couch , he had a weird looking dog and the sentence 'I love socks ' written all over his face in permanent marker that Rose drew on his face a couple of nights ago , it did one say 'I love cock ' and had a cock drawn on his face but spoiling Rosalie's fun , Edward made it more appropriate for the sake of his daughter .
Half an hour later , Carlisle was at work , Esme , Alice and Rosalie were out hunting . Jacob went back to his house and Edward took Renesmee (Nessie ) out for the day . Leaving Jasper , Bella and Emmett home alone . Jasper was still reading and Bella was watching TV whilst googling random shit on her laptop . Emmett was bored , border then a child listening to a speech told by their parents on how you shouldn't do whatever . He started humming to himself rather loudly , he then started singing .
"These words are burning inside of me , spend years in liquid harmony ."
"This dream is who I wanna be , Youth and Whisky ."
"EMMETT SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Jasper screeched putting his book on his knees . Emmett shut up but pretended to scratch his cheek but actually was sticking his middle finger up at Jasper .
Jaspers POV
Son of a bitch , I thought to myself . I decided to just calm his emotions and get to the end of my book , then I remembered Bella . I looked up at her Emmett started cursing saying I am a cheating , Emo basted . He took a seat next to Bella was shutting of her laptop and putting it on the floor . I was glad me and Emmett didn't start a fight because if we did , I would regret it and I know Emmett would too – like literally I really do know . Whenever we fought the house would be destroyed , harsh words would be said and we would always end up in trouble with Carlisle . And poor Bella would have been caught up in the midst of it all , Emmett would force her to pick a side and then she would be pressured and then Emmett would be more mad at me for accusing me of sending her waves of persuasion . Then all of a sudden , Emmett jumped up …
Emmett's POV
Stupid motherfucker , sending me calmness, I wish I had a cool gift , like turning people into robots or pepperoni's ! Yeah , that be so awesome , whenever Eddie started to get annoying with his Emo broodiness or tell me to stop thinking about something – probably Rose naked , I could just turn him into a peperoni and then Jacob could eat him !Then suddenly I was struck with an idea ; I'll arrange myself a dentist appointment ! "Hey guys will you come with me ?" Bella looked up from the TV "Where ?" Her topaz eyes glistened as she spoke in her soft , comforting voice . "To my dentist appointment ?" Jasper looked up now too , they looked at each other then back at me . "What?" Jasper asked glaring at me curiously , his expression had shock , disbelief mixed in with the curiosity . Smirking , I told them to wait a sec before disappearing out of the room . When I got in the attic , I sniffed the air trying to sniff out the item I was searching for , then it hit me rubber and glue . I walked to a big , brown box that held a bunch of trinkets that we'd collected from over the decades . At the very bottom , there was a small box , which inside held some fake vampire fangs and some super-duper extra very extremely strong super strong glue . After applying the super-duper extra very extremely strong super strong glue to the fangs I positioned them in my mouth before the super-duper extra very extremely strong super strong glue stuck to my gums and my teeth making me have vampire fangs . I walked back down stairs to see my siblings jaws hitting the ground .
"What the Hell are you doing , Emmett ?" Jazz asked . Laughing I grabbed the phone from the table and dialled a number .
"Hello , thank you for calling MacDonald's what would you like to order ?" A miserable voice said
"Wrong number , fuck you !" I then hung up the phone and dialled another number – this time the right one .
"Hello , how may I help you?" The women who worked at the Dentist chirped
"I woukd fike to aranhege a hentist apploinsttment ?" Damn these bloody fangs
"Um , could you repeat that again please ?" I handed the phone to Jazz and told him what tom say ,he was able to understand me as his vampire brain was more intelligent then a humans .
"Um , sorry that was my brother whom has a terrible tooth ache , I should of called you first , I err , was wondering if we could arrange a dentist appointment for my brother ?" Jasper asked reluctantly , not wanting to waist a Dentists time .
"Oh , it's alright sir and yes we can just squeeze you in in an half hour , one of our patients just had to cancel her appointment due to a family crisis . Can you and your brother be ready by then? " Her voice was cheerful but had a sort of rough patch to it , perhaps she had a cold .
"Of course thank you , ma'am." My Southern accent slipped then .
"Could you please state your brother's name and age ?"
"Certainly, Emmett Cullen age 20 ."
"Oh , um yes Dr . Cullen's foster children , um your farther is a fantastic surgeon!"
"Yes I know , thank you , see you in an half hour then ."
"Um yeah , err I –I well bye !"
Once she found out she was talking to a Cullen the fear in her voice was clear . When I looked back up at my siblings Bella was just staring at me blankly , as if I was missing one of my eyes . Emmett was smirking and with this stupid fangs in he looked ridiculous .
Bella's POV
Half an hour past fairly quickly and here I was in the waiting room of Seattle Dental surgery with my siblings , I mean I knew Emmett was a little destructive and often enjoyed playing prank , I mean Edward
warned me about that when I was human , but I could not understand what had possessed him to arrange a dentist appointment , that someone else with an actual problem could have been doing , but no he stuck in some fake fangs , which is also insulting our kind – so really he is the idiot – what the Hell , Emmett will be Emmett I'll just sit back and watch him make a fool of himself . "Emmett Cullen the Dentist is ready to see you !" The receptionist who spoke to Jasper earlier on the phone announced . Emmett assisted me and Jazz should come in to see the Dentist with us . The Dentist looked like he was in his mid- 40's , his hair was balding as he only had a couple off tuffs here and there . He was washing his hands and putting on some rubber , white gloves . "What seems to be the problem Mr .Cullen ?" He answered in a polite tone , he turned around to greet his patient . He looked at me with eyes full of lust , he held his hand out for me to shake "Lovely to meet you , are you a Mrs . Cullen as in Mr . Cullen's wife ?" He had his fingers crossed and I noticed his cheeks turned a faint red colour . I put my perfectly manicured hand (thanks to Alice) into his hand covered by t a white glove . "Well I am a Mrs .Cullen not just in that way ."I replied back trying to be polite . "Oh are you Mr .Cullen's sister ?" His eyes were hopeful , still filled with a hint of lust ."well yes , but I'm married to his brother ." The hope drained from his yes like how the blood drains from my prey as I suck out it's blood . He looked at Jasper and extended his hand (the one I previously just shook) Jasper shuck the man's hand "Hello , and who are you ?" Asked the Dentist . Jasper replied back as soon as the Dentist released his hand "I am his brother ." His eyes rose in fear , his palms became sweaty , despite the fact he was wearing gloves , due to my vampire eyesight I was able to see through the thin rubber . "The lady's husband ?" His voice was small , weak . Jasper held an emotionless expression on his face , probably feeling all of the man's lust towards me – how sickening was that? "Now I'm her brother." After that he seemed to relax , he walked over to Emmett who was lying on the Dentist chair ."So Emmett , what seems to be the problem ?" Emmett flashed a fang filled grin before looking at Jazz , he told Jazz what to say before we got here . "Well as you see , my brother has some fang like teeth making his speech slurred , he also suffers from tooth aches ." The doctor looked astonished , his eyes wide with disbelief . "Those are his real teeth ?" He asked , his forehead was dripping with his sweat he got a wash cloth rom over by his sink and swiped it over his head a couple of times . "Alright Emmett , open wide I'm just going to take a look inside your mouth , please keep still . " Emmett opened his mouth wide and the Dentist who's nametag had recently been hidden under his collar examined Emmett's mouth with his mirror tool thing . "So you guys don't look related , well Emmett and the lovely lady do but …" Jasper spoke up confidently "Were adopted , I am sure you have heard of our adoptive farther Carlisle Cullen who works in the hospital o Forks , well Emmett and I were adopted by Carlisle and his wife – our adoptive mother – Esme along with some others ; Alice , Edward and Rosalie . Edward just recently married to Bella , who is the lovely lady you just spoke too . " He nodded as he understood our background story . Then a women appeared from the hallway "Sorry I am late , Dentist , a patient just fell down the stairs !" She had ice blue eyes , blonde scraggy hair (most of it cheap extensions) and her lips were glossed in red lip gloss , I suppose she thought she looked amazing ; in my opinion I think she looks like a slut rather then a Dentist assistance . Poor Jasper and Emmett , this girl would be all over them . To my surprise , she merely glanced at them and she started eyeing me up . Was she a lesbian ? "That's quite all right Mrs . Slutsucker , is the patient okay ?" His voice said he didn't really care but he tried to make it sound as if he was a caring man . "Yes , she's fine now . Is there anything I can do ?" He looked up from my brothers mouth before telling her to pass her something . All of a sudden , Emmett burst out with laughter . "What's wrong Mr .Cullen ?" Asked the Dentist . Emmett pointed at his name tag , his name tag had been covered by the collar of his shirt , I glanced at it seeing why Emmett thought it was so God damn hilarious . Dentist Babadick . I let out a small snicker as did Jasper , it then turned into a room full of laughter , the Dentist turned 10 different shades of red , until he was blood red . Red , warm blood pulsing through his veins , just one simple movement could kill him and then I could feed of him satisfying my burning throat . No Bella , you can't do that to him , be a good mom to Nessie , set a good example , make Edward and Carlisle proud . "For your information Emmett , in my country , which is India , it actually means – " He was cut off by Emmett , of course to Dentist Babadick didn't know what he was saying , to him it was a low grumble , what Emmett actually said was "I know what it means it means you're a fucking retard with a small dick
like Eddie !" A low growl ripped from my burning throat , I felt my emotions calm slightly , I sent a glance and a smile to Jasper ( who sent one back) to say a quick thanks without being conspicuous around the Dentist and his assistant Mrs Slutsucker , seriously what the fuck is up with this crazy arse name shit ? Mrs Slut came over to me and started rubbing my shoulders and whispered in my ear " Are you alright , Darling ?Seeing your family at the Dentist scares you doesn't it ? You'll be alright , I'll look after you . " She continued rubbing my back , I didn't want to be un polite and tell her to stop so I just went with it . Emmett laughed again . "Is there anything you want , Love ?" She asked me fluttering her false eye lashers attempting to be seductive . Well how about you leave me the fuck alone , Bitch ! "Um , a glass of water would be nice ." I said , Emmett and Jasper eyed me curiously . She smiled and twirled her filthy, blonde hair in her hands , it was then I noticed she had a piercing in her left ear , but not in the other . "Alright Sweetheart , that's no trouble at all , we just ran out of plastic cups in here so I'll just going get a stack of them from the storeroom !" She left the room to go and get my drink – that I wasn't going to drink . I went to stand next to Jazz , I pushed him onto a spare chair that was near the wall he sat on it whilst I sat on his knee . He put his arms around my neck and then swooped my feet around so I was sitting on his knee , in his arms bridal style . My brothers smirked and Jazz kissed my forehead. The Slut came back with my water and a stack of cups , she handed me the drink along with a scrappy piece of paper before putting the cups in the correct places , but some out – my guess one for Emmett when the Dentist was done with him and one for me if I got thirsty again – I am thirsty but water is not going to quench my first , if she pisses me off anymore I just might show her how I satisfy my thirst . She was dismayed to see me in Jaspers arms . I tossed half a cup of water into the nearby trash can – I kept the other half to keep up my human stuff – got to make sure the humans aren't paying much attention to us .
Emmett's POV
Okay , I am officially bored , it sure was amusing watching a lesbo flirt with Bella though . Poor Bella , she looked at the scraggy piece of paper in her hand , she opened it and looked at the even scraggier handwriting written on it read : Hey honey want to fuck , your so sexy my pussy is I'd love to see your creamy white arse . Hey baby , I know you're not lesbo , like me (I'm not sure if you knew if I was lesbian – but I am : ) ) I looked at your fourth finger on your left hand and saw a wedding ring , I thought someone as sexy as you would be married . Your probably straight , but trust me one you get a load of me , you'll be begging your hubby for a divorce . so call me my numbers on the back of the paper Hope we can get together sometime soon so we can fuck , love Tiffany oxoxoxoxoxoxo p.s do u want to send pictures of u naked my emails on the back pp.'s please call soon sugar tits
I looked at Bella and her shocked face , Jazz looked angry . I wanted to rip this bitch's head of for causing my sister unhappiness as much as I love lesbo's , I love my little sister more . Bella slipped the note in her pocket probably showing Edward – just in case this lesbo somehow finds out Bella's number and calls her but Edward picks up .
Hey I wonder what this does ? It was a long , sharp thingy with a sharp needle on the end . "I wonder what this does , is it a dart I know it's a plain!" I yelled , only Bella and Jazz knew what I was saying but I didn't care . I woodshed the needle thing around the room pretending it was a plain "Oh no , Tornado !" I shook the needle before throwing at the Lesbo Slut . It landed in her arm , she then passed out . "Oops , I said ." Thank God the Dentist got a phone call at the main desk then . "If he asks , which I guess he will she is a suicidal Emo like Jazz and Edward !" Jasper and Bella growled at my last comment . Then the Dentist walked in , his face formed a crooked 'O' as his face went from relaxed to shocked , he stared at unconscious assistant on the floor "W – what h- happened to her ?"He choked out , nervously . Jasper and Bella just stared at him , emotionlessly . Oh great , so Bella is turning Emo now ? Guess , I looked at Jazz . "I'm sorry Dentist Babadick , she is a suicidal Emo , she attempted to take her own life ! It was a dread-full thing to watch !" He spoke slowly , making it sound as if he was concerned about the Slut . He nodded , and announced he would go and get someone to drag out her body and call and ambulance . "I am terribly sorry about that , so let's continue Emmett , back on the chair , and I have bad news , I am afraid that we will have to pull out your teeth !" Good luck trying dude , these are stuck on with super-duper extra very extremely strong super strong glue ! He came forward with a big needle and said I was to be put to sleep . I'm not a pussy , like Eddie and Tom from that stupid cartoon on Boomerang ! I looked at Jazz "Dentist Babadick , Emmett is trying to signal to me that he wants to be kept awake for the task of you pulling out his teeth !" I nodded my head , Babadick looked horrified but agreed to my command . He started to pull out my fangs , or at least try to . 4 and a half hours later , his head was as sweaty as a guy's armpits after a billion mile run ! Then suddenly , he yelled in pain . "My hand it is broken !" Tears came trickling down his scrunched up face , his cheeks were redder then a fire engine , not wanting to cry in front of Bella , who went to tell the women at the front desk . She came back , along with a second set of paramedics , they kept looking at her arse as she walked ; she clearly knew this as she went back to sit on Jazz's knee . Once Babadick was wheeled out on a stretcher , we were free to leave . Before we did I pointed to the wall and erupted with laughter . "HEY GUYS , LOOK !" I screamed , they turned their attention to the wall and burst out with laughter . Stuck in the pale , green wall was my fake fangs ! I took them out of the wall and put them in my pocket before we left the dentist and drove back home to the rest of family who had returned from their trips . I went to my Rosy and kissed her pink glossy lips , I swooped her onto my knee and glanced around the room . Alice was asking Jasper weather his book was good or not , despite the fact she already knew . Edweirdo was holding Bella in his arms and Nessie sat on Bella's knee showing her about her day . Esme was back to cleaning her once again , already spotless house and Carlisle emerged from the kitchen "So what have you three done today ?" He asked looking at Jazz . Bella and I , we just looked at each other and laughed .
PLZ I AM CURRENTLY RITING ONE SHOT NUMBA 2 IT SHUD BE POSTED WITHIN THE NEXT WEEK IF NOT ITZ CUZ I HAVE NO REVEIWS SO PLZ REVEIW I WANT AT LEAST 1 REVEIW EVEN IF IT IS AN ANNYOMOUS VEIWER PLZ I JUST ONE A FRIGGIN REVEIW AND I HAVE NO COMMENTS ON MY WATTPAD STORYY ON WATTPAD ITZ CALLED GIFTTED ITZ A TWILIGHT STORY SO CHECK OUT THAT 2 IFF U WANT - BUT I WUD APRECIATE REVEIWS AND UR INPUT ON WHAT I SHUD INCLUDE (IDEAS WISE) IN WHAT IS SHUD INCLUDE
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