Written for Virmire Survivor Appreciation Week.
An AU of an AU of a sorts. Features my regular Shepard and Kaidan (and their backstories) but is not canonical to Changeling events.
Ash and Kaidan both survive Virmire. Takes place approximately one year post Reaper War in the Destroy ending.
Will feature established Femshep/Kaidan and developing Ashley/James.
Shepard's still weak. She knows this. She feels it when she gets up in the morning, the way her muscles scream at her, how they cramp until she's in tears and Kaidan has to kneel at the bedside massaging and coaxing the muscles into cooperating with her.
"Bet you're sorry you married me now, right? Got some gimpy old lady for a wife," she mutters. She means it to be humorous, but it just comes out sounding bitter. A lot of things tend to do that these days.
The Crucible took things from her she'll never get back. She's slower than she used to be. Loud noises still set her heart racing, even almost a year later. She lost so much weight and muscle. Kaidan says to give herself time. Rebuilding doesn't happen overnight. But still… she wishes it did. Medical leave is driving her nuts.
Kaidan frowns, his fingers surely and firmly working the drum-tight calf muscle. "Hardly, Shep. You're getting better every day, and even if you weren't, you're not getting rid of me that easy."
Shepard dashes a pain-squeezed tear from the corner of her eye. "I know, I know. I just… I just worry this is all I'll ever be now. Some beat-up old soldier on permanent medical leave."
"First off: you're not old," he says gently, putting down her leg. She gives it an experimental flex. No pain. She lets out a long breath.
Kaidan gets up and sits on the bed with her, wrapping her into a hug, and presses a kiss to her hair.
"Secondly: this isn't permanent. The doctors say you're doing great. Better than anyone expected since they never even thought you'd walk again, let alone do what you've done."
Shepard reaches for one of his warm hands, and it twines around hers. "I-I'm worried."
"About what?"
"You know what. What if we can't-" she breaks off, the words sticking in her throat. "What if I can't do this? Physically. The doctor said there was a risk-"
"Then we'll face it. Together. I'm in this for the long haul. No matter what happens. You've just got to have a little faith, sweetheart. Try and stay positive." Kaidan tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear, and she gives him a weak smile.
"OK. Positive. I can do that. Somehow…" Shepard glances at the clock. "And you better get your ass movin', Spectre Alenko. Ash will kick it from one end of the Citadel to the other if you're late and she gets stuck making small talk with Bau again."
Kaidan's eyes widen. "Shit. Gotta run. Meet you for lunch at Apollo's?"
He dashes around their bedroom, collecting his armor. Shepard nearly laughs. He is rather whipped by Ash.
They're a formidable team in the field; even she's impressed with how her old subordinates work together. But outside of work… well Kaidan is careful not to piss her off.
Spectres have authority and freedom to work singularly, in groups, or form partnerships. Before Shepard had been badly injured she had been Kaidan's partner, working together during the war. Ash had often colluded with them on war-time cases, and after Shepard had been put off active duty, she had stepped up to the plate as Kaidan's Spectre partner.
The plan was that the three of them would work together again in a human Spectre triad when Shepard was better.
Shepard somehow thinks that dream is still some time away, despite Kaidan's determinedly optimistic outlook. They both carefully don't voice what the last doctor's appointment had told them. Hope was too hard, sometimes.
Shepard stands awkwardly, Kaidan half supporting her. "You betcha. But we're only eating at Apollo's if you order something besides steak. If I have to eat it one more time, I'm gonna hurl."
He affects a hurt expression. "You dirty rotten liar, Mrs. Alenko. You love steak."
Shepard laughs. "No. Not anymore. I'm so sick of it. You're gonna eat some greens, and you're gonna like it."
He throws her a mock salute, smirk on his lips, as he backs out of the door. "Fine, fine. Anything for you. Meet you at 1300 hours."
She hears him run down the stairs, taking them two at a time to make the Silversun transport to the embassies.
"Love you!" she calls.
A muffled "Love you, too!" echoes back to her before the front door hisses shut.
Shepard sighs and begins the arduous task of facing her old nemesis: the stairs. They have special railing installed, but she still has to watch for nasty falls. She adamantly refuses one of those VI helper mechs.
She can do this herself.
James hums to himself as he picks up some doughnuts at the little stand beside the casino. The raspberry ones are Lola's favorite, so he takes extra care to pick up more than he can eat alone.
Which ends up being more like fifty doughnuts. He shrugs to himself. Healthy appetites are good for the soul, and god knows Lola could do with a pick-me-up.
He and Kaidan had beers last night, and even James could tell he was worried about Shepard.
The Major had been uncharacteristically jittery, and drank his beer far quicker than usual. Even more surprisingly, in his inebriated state he hadn't even become his usual chatty self.
That sent red flags up in James' mind, so he had resolved last night to do a little recon on Lola this morning.
He knows he has to be quick about it, his shore leave is rapidly running out, and the Normandy would be shipping off again for some peacekeeping tours with the turians.
It just isn't the same without Lola in command, he thinks as he makes his way to the apartment tower, the Ward's lights glittering around him. He looks forward to the day when she's finally the ship's captain again, more than he'd ever admit to her face. There's no Normandy without Shepard, as Garrus is fond of saying.
He straightens his shirt a little over his broad chest as he presses the intercom for the Alenko apartment, and tucks the doughnuts more firmly under his arm.
"Hey, chica. It's your secret lover, coming for a visit," he calls into the comm.
It takes a little while but she eventually answers, sounding breathless. "That you, Jimmy Vega? Thought I said last time that you were a failure and a disappointment in bed, and I never wanted to see your ugly mug again."
James chuckles, mirroring the laugh in her voice. "Face it, sweetcheeks. You can't resist me. Besides, I brought you doughnuts. Open up, Lola."
"Doughnuts? Shit, why didn't you say so?"
The door buzzes and James enters the elevator, pressing the button for the Alenko's floor. She's already at the door waiting for him, dressed in an overlarge hoodie and a men's shirt. Her tracksuit pants hang a little limply, but he thinks she's finally regaining some of the fullness back in her cheeks again. James leans down and presses a chaste kiss to her cheek.
"Lookin' good. Got some color back," he says gently, their previous good-natured teasing still threading through. "That man of yours been showing you a good time?"
She grins. "You know it, Jimmy. And thanks. Bad day for cramps, but I'm feeling better this morning. Now, you promised me doughnuts, I believe?"
"I know, I know. Keep your shirt on," James says, moving into the kitchen. He notes a large vase of flowers on the bench.
"Wow, flowers? Kaidan really is a big sap."
Shepard frowns. "I know, right? He knows I don't like floral arrangements. I like wild flowers. I asked him about it and he swears he didn't send them. Probably some fan, or whatever." She shrugs, shooting the flowers a derisive look. "I was gonna throw them out, but they are rather pretty and the place could use something nice smelling."
James nods. He didn't think Kaidan was the grand gestures kind of man. And he knows Shepard wouldn't appreciate ostentatious displays of affection.
Shepard's cherry red cabinets greet him sunnily, the place messy but homely. Kaidan's dress blue jacket is hung over a chair, and Shepard has various biotic amps pulled apart and set on the counters. She never was idle if she could help it.
He turns to her as he sets the doughnuts on the counter. "Speaking of shirts coming off..."
Shepard barks a laugh, limping into the kitchen. "Yeah, yeah, Vega. All talk, no action. But I heard some interesting rumors lately."
"Oh?" James raises his eyebrows. Shepard's dangerous when she has a scent.
"Oh yes. See, I had my best friend over for dinner last week."
James' heart begins to pound. Please don't know, please don't know.
He shoves a doughnut into his mouth for lack of anything better to do and chews thickly.
Shepard arches one dark eyebrow. "She told me that the dating scene had been a little dry lately. Mostly because she had an old fling stuck in her head. She was very vague, you see, so little old me got curious." She grins, biting her lip playfully. "You know me, James. I worry about my friends."
"Shit," he mumbles, spitting crumbs onto Shepard's marble bench top.
Shepard laughs. "Yes. I did a little digging." She turns and smacks him on the arm, hard. "Why did you never tell me you and Ash hooked up on my Normandy, you little shit!? I thought I was the only one fraternizing!"
James scoffs, knowing the jig is up. "Puh-lease, Lola. It was war! We thought we were gonna die. Things got a bit… heated. A couple of times."
"A couple!" Shepard makes an overly dramatic wave of her arms, slumping into her favorite kitchen stool near the island bench top. "Argh. My two best friends hook up and I don't know about it…" She suddenly perks up, frowning suspiciously. "Wait. Does Kaidan know? I'll kill that rat bastard if he's been holding out on me," she growls, but James can see her eyes twinkling with amusement.
"No, it's not like that, Lola," he says, sinking into the seat opposite her. Truthfully, he's a little relieved to finally come clean about it. "Ash is great. She is. But it was just a… a fling. It didn't mean anything."
Shepard does a weird eyebrow waggle that reminds him suspiciously of Kaidan. "If it didn't mean anything, why do you do all in your power to avoid her when we get together? Why do you get all interested when Kaidan starts talking Spectre business? We both know it usually sends you to sleep unless it involves one very pretty Lieutenant Commander Williams."
James sighs. "I-I don't know, Lola. It's confusing. Things were a mess back then. Kaidan was beside himself with you in the hospital. He was hurt too. Earth was shattered, and everything was just rebuilding. Seemed like a shitty time to worry about what we were, and I guess we just drifted apart again. It's fine. Not like I'm in love with her or anything. Just leave it, OK?"
His voice comes out sharper than intended and Shepard immediately backs off.
"Sure, Jimmy. I was only teasing."
"I know." He smiles to show her he wasn't offended, and she smiles tentatively back. "Things are just weird, you know?"
"Hell, yes. Fraternizing is a bitch sometimes, man. Glad I finally went all legit and respectable old married lady, even though I wanna kill people when they call me Mrs. Alenko. Sounds like his damn mother. Do I look like his mother to you? No."
James wisely keeps his mouth shut.
There's a long pause as James gets up to make coffee, and Shepard stuffs her face with doughnuts. He never realized somebody could make that very action seem grumpy, but somehow Shepard manages.
"I'm not allowed coffee," she mumbles. "Don't make me any or I'll kill someone from pure lust and longing. I miss coffee."
"Oops, too late. I already poured you a cup," James says, bringing her a steaming mug.
Shepard inhales deeply. "Oh you little bitch, Jimmy. Why do you torture me so?"
She picks up the mug and takes a sip, an expression of pure pleasure coming over her face.
"OK, just one cup. And if you tell Kaidan, I'll biotically rip off your balls and nail them to the wall."
"Jesus, Lola. OK. I'm sworn to secrecy. No telling Kaidan. What's with him? Why aren't you allowed coffee?"
She pauses, fiddling with a thread on her hoodie. "Bad for rehab shit. Don't worry about it. Kaidan's just super fussy, and I'll never hear the end of it."
There's another comfortable lull in conversation, and James just takes a moment to relax, watching the lights out the window, and the fireplace dance with color. He never gets tired of Kaidan and Shepard's home. It's really like his home, too. They always keep a room made up for him; give him carte blanche to treat it like his own. Some days he can't get over how lucky he is to have them for friends.
Shepard is the one to break the silence, her voice small. "H-how's…how's Joker?"
"He's alright." James shrugs. "He's back with the Normandy now at the docks if you wanna go say hi. I'll go with you, if you want."
She looks away, back to her mug. "No, I'm good. I was just wondering."
"Have you spoken yet?"
"Yeah. He called the house a few weeks ago."
"That's good."
"He was drunk."
"That's bad."
"He said some… some not nice things," Shepard says, and he can hear the distress in her voice.
"He still… he still blames me. He spoke about EDI. I think he was crying. I started crying too, and Kaidan noticed." She looks up at him, rolling her eyes a little. "You know what they're like. They got into it. Kaidan told him not to bother calling again if he was just gonna upset me, and Joker said something about being a murderer, and by that point I kinda… yeah, I kinda had to go lie down. Don't bring it up in front of Kaidan, he's still furious. But I get it. Joker's angry. If Joker was the reason Kaidan was dead, I would call him all those names too."
"Hey!" he says, suddenly angry. He gets up, and wraps one arm around her small shoulders. "You listen here. You are not the reason EDI is dead. The Reapers are. You did your best, and you saved the galaxy."
"Still killed a friend, and all the geth." Her eyes swim with tears, and James wonders how Kaidan can ever stand to have her cry. It feels like his own heart is tearing in half.
"But you did it to save everyone. What else could you have done? That kid… that thing was loco. Shepard, you didn't even think you'd live, did you?"
"No," she says quietly. "Some days I wish I hadn't. Maybe then I wouldn't feel like I do."
He gives her a gentle shake. "Don't you ever say that to me again, alright? We love you. Your husband loves you. Ashley loves you. Joker loves you. He's just hurting. I thank god every day that you pulled through, because I don't know what I would have done without you."
His eyes aren't exactly dry either, in that moment.
Shepard gives a wet, embarrassed laugh and shoves him away playfully.
"Thanks, and sorry. I'm just a bit emotional lately," she says rubbing her eyes. James thinks she looks exhausted.
"Lately? Lola, I've watched you demolish a Cerberus platoon with the power of your mind just because it pissed you off. You're nothing but a firecracker of emotions."
"Shut up, beef for brains."
"Love you, too, Lola."
James moves to grab her another raspberry doughnut and in that moment the window shatters inwards, shards of glass raining across the apartment.
Figures dressed in black burst in, spraying gunfire, and Shepard gives a muffled little yell as she's hit. Blood sprays across her cherry red cabinets.
James hits the deck.