"Potter! What is that?" "Erm...the mild love potion you had us brew, Professor," Harry Potter replied, completely nonplussed. "Tell me, Potter, have you lost the ability to read? Have you lost the ability to see?" "No sir," Harry hissed through clenched teeth.

"Well, Mr. Potter, the text clearly states to add one teaspoon of powdered lavender, thus making it a mild love potion. You added a whopping two ounces! Potter, do you even possess a brain? Your potion can now be as potent as Amortentia itself! Potter, do not get any of this potion on yourself. You will bring me a flask of it at the end of class to be graded."

Harry stared, horrorstruck. "Yes sir," he managed. He didn't touch his caudron for fifteen minutes. With 5 minutes until the end of class, Malfoy ruined everything. "Potter! How can you mistake a teaspoon for two ounces? You need your ugly glasses fixed?" Crabbe and Goyle laughed jeeringly.

"Well, Malfoy, I heard that you got brain surgery recently and the brain rejected you!" Malfoy, though he had no idea what a Muggle surgery was, got the gist. He flushed red with rage and leaped at Harry. Harry leaped at Malfoy, but Crabbe tripped him, while Goyle went to restrain Malfoy.

Goyle's foot caught on Harry's cauldron, and Harry skidded across the floor from Crabbe's trip. He watched in horror as his cauldron flipped onto its side and the contents all emptied on him. Damn it.

Hermione turned to him, looking starstruck. "Harry, are you alright? Does your arm hurt? Do you want me to kiss it better for you?" Meanwhile, Ron was shaking with laughter, as with Malfoy as all the girls in the class turned to Harry.

"Those glasses make him look so intelligent!"

"He looks so sexy with his hair messed up like that!"

"He's so brave!"

"His green eyes are gorgeous!"

Even Pansy Parkinson was affected. "Forbidden romance is the epitome of love! And nothing can get more forbidden than a Slytherin and a Gryffindor together." Draco Malfoy was horrified.

So was Harry. All through lunch, girls flocked around him. When he stood, exasperated, they seized him and dragged him to the Ravenclaw table, where they promptly started trying to snog him. Harry had to bat their hands away as they tried to feed him, and he was freaked when Justin Finch-Fletchley kissed him full in the mouth.

In Transfiguration, Harry stared, dumbfounded, as Professor McGonagall sat on his desk and batted her eyelashes winningly at him. "Harry, how would you like it if you had no more homework ever? And an automatic Outstanding on your Transfiguration O.W.L?"

Professor Trelawney no longer predicted his death; instead, she insisted that they would marry, due to the fact that Venus and Mercury were aligned. Ron nearly died of laughter, while Harry stared in horror.
Finally, in Defense Against The Dark Arts, Umbridge tried to molest him, flirting shamelessly. She'd never looked uglier. When Harry shied away from her, she frowned. "Detention Mr. Potter!" She couldn't honestly be giving him detention for resisting her, could she? Who wouldn't be repulsed by her ugly face? But Harry didn't say any of this.

He said, "But Professor, I didn't say anything!" "Who wouldn't want detention with Mamma Umbridge? I can show you a great time!" And Harry ran. He ran all the way to Professor Snape's office, where, thankfully, there wasn't a class. "I need the antidote!" Harry gasped.

Snape pulled a vial out of his cabinet, and Harry drank it without even looking at the potion. Honestly, poison would've been a welcome escape for him.

"You just had to drag this out, didn't you?" Harry resignedly asked Snape. Snape smirked. "I had the antidote from the very beginning. But what would've been the fun in giving it to you early?"

And Harry was thrown out of the office.