On The Crack

Maho: Hey~ I'm back with a new story! :D I know I haven't been updating my stories for a long time, and I can assure you, I'm not dead. Yet. Anyways, I thought of this while I was, weirdly, cleaning up the bathroom. Awkward time for my mind to start working for once, ne? Well, hope you enjoy the story! Review and I'll love you forever! Maybe… ;D

Oh yeah, and don't take any of this seriously. I'm not even joking. Your brain will melt.

Summary: Everyone's just having a bad day. Some stupid writer was writing fanfiction about them again. A.K.A: Me. Let us watch as our entire host club acts crazy and like they have an empty space between their ears. CRACK FIC!

~Kyoya

The light streamed into my bedroom through the grey curtains and onto my crumpled and creased bed sheets. "Ngh.." I mumbled groggily, turning to my alarm clock, which was beeping loudly.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep!

8:52

"Shi-!" I cursed out loud, only to be censored by the annoying beeping. "Shut up." I grabbed the repulsive alarm clock and threw it at the wall. "HAH, that'll show you not to mess with ME; KYOYA OOTORI, YOU RETARDED ALARM CLOCK!" I yelled.

Then realized how stupid I was acting. I was yelling at an ALARM CLOCK. Because it was doing its job. Being retardedly annoying and slapping me out of my beauty sleep! Not that I wasn't already beautiful.

Moving on, I realized something important. "Why… How…. OMIGOD! NEE-SAN!" I screamed, staring at my hand, terrified. My sister rushed into the room, "What's the matter, Kyoya-san?" she looked panicked. I showed her my poor hand. "Why do I have so many wrinkles on my hand, dear god..? Am I that old already?" I screamed, flailing all around again.

She sighed. "Kyoya-san, why is it, that on every Sunday morning you act like a crazed girl on her period? Or more accurately, like a Tamaki?" And after insulting me and my manly pride, she left the room.

My stress level had gone up high… but I knew what to do. I grabbed some shaving cream from my bathroom and started to write on the wall with it. And before I knew it, I had finished and I was falling asleep. As my eyes closed, I caught a glimpse of what I'd written.

TAMAKI IS A GAYTARD

Well said me… well said.

~Haruhi

I awoke to see that it was 9:15 in the morning and I was extremely tired. I don't mean the weak, teensy-weensy bit of being sleepy. I mean hardcore all-out extreme exhausted. As my eyes began to close, and another exciting dream of Hikaru came to my mind, my phone rang. "GARGHHHHHH!" I groaned angrily. Oh, and by exciting, I mean playing scrabble with a grapefruit.

"HELLO." I yelled into the phone. "Haruhi... my phone has too many buttons… you gotta come help me… oh yah, bring a polish dictionary… and uhh… some apple juice. The banana flavored kind… 'Kay?" Tamaki ordered through the phone.

"Oh sure…." I replied, groggy. "I'll send over my unicorn to pick you up… And I suggest you bring a rabid fangirl to tame it. 'Cause you know unicorns these days… always wanting to… uh… I forgot." He grumbled.

"EFFFF THAT!" I said into the phone angrily, yet groggily. "I'm flying there!" I shut my phone, and opened the window, grabbing my polish dictionary, some banana-flavored apple juice and a purple nail clipper. You never know when you might need one, don't 'cha think? I hopped out the window, only to fall flat on my face.

"Woah… I fly so fast…. I'm at Tamaki's toaster repair shop already?" I mumbled. But I soon saw, that there was nothing in front of me. Just gravel. Not a human in sight. Except for those ones over there… but they have faces and arms. They're probably not humans.

And with this… I realized.

I WAS A SURVIVOR.

Of something. I forgot what it was.