Did you ever feel the terror that seeps through your veins , that invades every crevasse of your mind, that eats away ever coherent thought , the fear of losing a friend ? John Watson did . It's half a year since the tragic day when he lost his genius , annoying flat mate . No , not a flat mate . A friend … his friend .

His mind had stopped working after that day , infatuated with Sherlock's actions and memories . He saw him everyday , at every corner , in every shop , always looking at him . But when he looked again , he disappeared . John knew deep inside that he was losing his grip on reality . And as each day passed , the surroundings became foggier , greyer , too bland . The first months after his death were spent grieving . Everybody understood his reactions , the deep link between the two men that everybody saw since the first day was now broken . It was normal for him to mourn such a loss . So they let him cry in the dark . Mrs. Hudson tried to calm him . She developed the habit of checking on John everyday , to see if he was still there , still alive . Her mind knew that one day she might find the doctor laying in his bed , dead after an overdose of medicaments . So she kept an eye on him , silently keeping her promise to Sherlock . One day , they will meet again , and she hoped Sherlock could explain all this to John . If not , Mrs. Hudson wasn't sure if she will let him live after destroying the only person that truly cared for him .

Everybody knew . They knew about the plan . But they never told John . He was Moriarty's primary target . And they knew the army doctor wouldn't cope well with the harsh truth , so they left him in the dark . Mycroft and Lestrade knew as well of Sherlock's plan and they helped him . They kept their promises , hoping that Sherlock will keep his .

The moths passed and soon enough , half a year has passed since that gruesome day . John bought a bouquet of flowers , purple , and made a visit to his grave . He saw him again . John was kneeling in front of his grave , his body shaking in silent pain . Tears ran freely on his face , wetting the dirt on top of his grave . Devastated , he placed the flowers on the grave . His eyes slowly scanned the stone . Sherlock Holmes was written in bold , gold letters . Mycroft did a glorious job at finding this spot . John silently thanked him .

And then , as he slowly lifted himself from the ground , mind set on returning home , he saw Sherlock . He was standing behind another grave, his eyes looking at him , silently pleading him . John couldn't look . He closed his eyelids , praying that this illusion will disappear and leave him alone . It wasn't real, and it hurt . But a small part of him told him it was real . That part wanted John to punch this illusion , to hug it until it was breathless , and then make him explain all this mess . John knew he couldn't . How can you ask a ghost to tell you the truth ?

Ghosts didn't exist .

He opened his eyes again and looked back at the spot where he saw Sherlock . He was still there . His pupils dilated , his look of surprise and pain combined startling the detective . "John…" he said softly in the air , his voice a small whisper , loud enough for John to hear . His face was desperate , desperate to tell John everything , to say that Moriarty was dead , to say he loved him . But he couldn't , not now . He needed to fix him , and that will take every ounce of his patience , mind and time . But he will . And he hoped he will be forgiven , that the doctor will see his cruel , but logical reasoning . Only time can tell , and he had every moment from now on to his death . Nothing will stop him . He started to walk towards John , but he stopped him with his broken voice .

"No … don't . You died , you're … gone … I lost you . Go …" John wanted to say more , but the tears stopped him . He was crying again , sobbing , the pain he felt when he saw his friend dead on the ground , with blood smeared around him and no pulse returning . He was heartbroken .

John turned around , and started to walk back to his empty , cold flat and he will try to forget this illusion that plagued his mind , that never let him recover . "But … I am alive …" He heard the illusion say .

"No …" John said low enough for him not to hear , but Sherlock did . He let his friend leave , the image of despair that he saw in his eyes enough to make him crumble to the ground, silent tears wetting his face . He was clueless , wondering if he can ever make the old John return , ever make his friend come back , because what he saw was nothing more than a shell of a man . He , with his selfish actions , ruined the only person that he ever considered being a friend . He should have come to him sooner , right after he killed Moriarty , but he didn't , thinking that this way , John could forget him , or try to move on with another person .

But he didn't , deciding to stay loyal to Sherlock . He was flattered and petrified at the same by his actions , loving and despising what had happened during these months . But he will fix him , even if will take him a year , a decade , a millennium . He will fix him . Determined , Sherlock left the graveyard and went back to 221b Baker street . The rain started to fall , covering his tears . Sherlock was grateful .

He passed through the mass of people , ignoring the rude remarks that the citizens made regarding his rush. He pushed , ran and fought through the mass of people only to get quicker to the flat .

Sherlock ran , and he found himself soon enough in front of the flat . He banged on the door . Impatient , that's what he was . Mrs. Hudson opened the door and looked at him with tears in her eyes , a napkin in her left hand . Sherlock saw that she hadn't been crying for long , the red , puffy eyes slightly formed . "What happened ?" he asked , knowing that her tears were linked to something terrible that probably happened to John .

"He … he tried to kill himself . Drug overdose … now in hospital . I'm sorry Sherlock ." She said through sobs and tears . Sherlock took a closer look at her clothes . Her hair hadn't been combed today , the dress she wore had old stains on it , most related to food spices and two blood related , her make-up was smudged , most likely from her trying to hide her tears , the black lines on her sleeves proving his theory . The house looked dustier , the objects still in the same place as he last left them . No renovations were made .

Sherlock looked back at Mrs. Hudson . He tipped his hand as a goodbye gesture then took a cab to the hospital . The ride was slow due to the traffic , but his driver somehow managed to take a shortcut , noticing the detective's impatience . His left leg kept bouncing , his eyes scanning the surroundings . He wanted this to be a prank , to see John in front of the hospital with the smile that he loved so much , telling him that this was his revenge . He wanted this so badly . The ride was over . Sherlock paid the cab in a rush and then ran inside of the hospital . He didn't ask Mrs. Hudson which one , but considering the distance , this was the closest and the one in which John was .

He asked a nurse about John and she kindly guided him to his room , telling him that they managed to pump his stomach quickly enough , so no lasting damage was made . She saw as well that he kept muttering a name , sometimes in bliss and other times in pain . Even unconscious his actions , were easy to decipher . Sherlock asked about the name ." Yours" she said . She showed him John's room then left to help another human being .

Sherlock entered the hospital room . John was conscious , different tubes coming in and out of him . He was hooked to an IV . Sherlock saw he had cried . He took another step towards him , and then the ex-doctor noticed him . His eyes slowly dilated and then swiftly changed their attention to the window , not wanting to face him .

Sherlock didn't know how to comfort , how to say sorry , but John was , or maybe still is , his friend , and he should try to explain .

"How ?"

"Excuse me ? How what , John ?" asked Sherlock .

"How are you not dead ? And how come that after all this time you come back in order to what ? To twist the knife deeper ?" John asked , his voice broken , and the whole air around him filled with sadness . Sherlock felt the sadness as well . He took a step closer and sat on the edge of the bed .

"I am here now and I'm not going back . Moriarty is dead and everything is as it should be . I'm sorry .I'll understand if you want to…" Sherlock stopped himself , the words that he wanted to say suddenly disappearing .

"Wanting to what ? To leave you ? Why ? Why do you always think that I would leave you for anything or anyone ?" John said , his eyes finally focused on Sherlock .

"John , do I really need to say it ?" John glared at him . Sherlock knew that he wanted to punch him , but couldn't because of his situation , so instead he glared . the detective smirked a little ."I know you are always surrounded by women and will always be . And what difference do I make ? I know that one day you will find someone that will make you leave .And then I'm alone and I will never cope with having someone else as my flatmate . I will probably kill them, or bore them to death" He said , trying to lighten the mood . It worked .

John smiled . Even if he had almost killed himself thinking that Sherlock was nothing more than an image of paranoia , here he was now , joking with him as old friends . But they weren't . John felt something , like a chord tying him to Sherlock and he was slowly starting to understand it . Sherlock said he will find somebody else . But what if that somebody was right in front of him the whole time . John blushed , now realizing that all the grief and pain weren't from losing a friend , but from losing the one you love .

Sherlock saw the blush and he felt confused .

"Is something wrong ? Are you feeling ill ?" he asked , concerned about the well-being of John . He never felt the need to be a master of medical expertise , but John's symptoms were getting weirder . Dilated pupils , blushing … Maybe he was having a heat stroke .

John smiled . Even if he had the greatest Consulting Detective in the world in front of him , the man couldn't read him . It was amazing , so John decided to show him instead .

Sherlock felt a hand pull him and then a pair of lips touched his own . Sherlock closed his eyes and savored this action , feeling it rather pleasant . And then the lips started to move along his . The nerves exploded and a dose of pure , raw emotion filled Sherlock as he , by instinct , kissed back with as much need and desire . John's lips were smooth and sweet and fitted so well against his , so far that Sherlock wondered what other parts of John fit against him well . He shuddered . Slowly , he pulled away , looking at his doctor . It should be his now that he initiated such an act upon him . John smiled at Sherlock . He let go of his shirt , still feeling the detectives lips against his own . He acted upon impulse and he saw that Sherlock liked it .

"You fool , what made you think that that person wasn't right in front of me the whole time ?" John said , giving Sherlock a big clue about who he was talking about .

"Who , Molly ?" Sherlock asked , still feeling a little confused . Who was John talking about , and why was he spinning around his tail so much . He wanted to know who it was , even if it might hurt him .

"No , it's you ." said John , pulling Sherlock back for another kiss .

"Then I'm glad I came back ." Sherlock said between kisses , his hands wrapped tightly in John hair . He heard the nurses footsteps coming closer , but he didn't let John know , wanting to make a first victim . He already knew that she was strictly against homosexual's , and this was too good to pass up .

"My god " , said the nurse as she entered the hospital room , feeling sick because of the image before her . She fainted .

Sherlock smirked .

Dun dun dun .

I had so much fun writing the last sentences because we all know that Sherlock is a devil and John is his little angel . Well , this my first Sherlock fic , and I want you , yes all you lazy asses that read and don't review , to give me some reviews because I want to write more and I need criticism .

So tell what you liked or didn't liked , be as harsh as you want , I want the most honest criticism ever .

I also take requests for fanfictions , so if you want anything , feel free to ask .

Hope you liked it !