Let's get this outta the way: I don't own the X-Men :( It'd be funny to turn round one day and say "Hey, I just bought the X-Men from Stan Lee! There's gonna be a whole issue dedicated to Rogue and Remy getting 'alone time'!"

If the summary made no sense, this chapter should clear it all up. I'd also like to point out (and thanks to Lupa Dracolis who brought this to my attention) that this is a no-powers AU and the reason Remy's eyes are red-on-black I, eh, haven't figured out yet. I was thinking either a birth defect or a tragic accident when he was an infant.

I've received criticisms for the way I structure paragraphs. Please don't blame me, blame my teachers. It's been ingrained. This story and all future stories will be written in the standard format; XCIS, AMND and S&S will continue the way they are for consistency. Also, I'd like to point out to some that I write X-Men: Evolution fics, not The Animated Series fics. Remy will speak in first person - like he does in Evo - in my fics, not third.

I quite like the way I've been writing Jean recently... Maybe she isn't that bad... Maybe... Possibly... An eensy-weensy window of possibility... The rest of the time she's a bitch.

This will be another of those 'occasional update' stories because not only is this story only half-baked, my laptop's screwed and the drafts for XCIS, AMND and S&S are gone until the guy fixes my hard drive. I just typed over a document I uploaded a while ago and no longer need :D

Style Key:
"text" - Speech
"text" - Thoughts

Chapter Song

I dug my key into the side of his
Pretty little souped-up four wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood

"It's not a house, it's a fucking mansion!"

That was the first thought to cross detective Remy LeBeau's mind as he reached the home of the late, great Charles Xavier, now inhabited by his son, Logan, and his daughter-in-law, Ororo. Remy's unique red-on-black eyes traversed the gates and security system that protected the 'house'. It was pretty damned sophisticated. Good. Like any good detective, he had done some research on his new clients, mainly to check no dirty money was involved. Apparently, Ororo was unable to carry children and only a blood heir or heiress of the Xaviers could inherit the multi-million dollar fortune. He had absolutely no idea what they wanted from him.

-X-O-X-

"Of course, 'Ro knows all about this already and is completely thrilled at the prospect of getting a daughter."

So that was what they wanted. Twenty years previously, somewhere in Canada, before he met Ororo, Logan had met and slept with a woman from Caldecott County, Mississippi. He couldn't even remember her name (Remy knew what that was like) but almost one year later, she had sent a letter - no return address, no name - and a photo of his baby girl. She didn't even tell him the girl's name, only that her birthday was the 15th of November and that she knew that the child was his because she had his family birthmark - an oddly shaped 'X' - on her left buttock.

Remy jokingly asked Logan where his was. The man became strangely quiet.

"So let m' get dis straight: y' slept wit' a femme, de femme got pregnant, de fille, y'r daughter, is de heiress t' y'r père's fortune, an' y' don' know who de Hell she is so y' need m' t' find her."

"In a nutshell, yeah. Your pay will be $10,000 but you only get it once you find her and bring her back."

"Fair 'nough, m'sieur. Do y' know where she'll be?"

"As far as I know: Caldecott, Mississippi."

"So when's your shift end?"

"In a couple hours. Why?"

"Well, I figured we could get to know each other a little better, say, my place?"

"No thanks. Anna'd kill me... Actually, she'll kill you."

"Huh?"

"Pietro Maximoff, yah two-bit, low-down, ungrateful, unfaithful, little creep!" the curvy, two-toned hair belle shouted at the white-haired racing driver.

"Hey, baby!"

"Don't yah dare 'babeh' meh! Get thah Hell outta this bar an' outta mah lahfe! We're ovah!"

Pietro, needless to say, left Blues Bar pretty damned fast where his now ex-girlfriend worked as a singer and waitress. The woman, Anna-Marie, turned to Tabitha Smith, the wild, blonde barmaid.

"Thanks, Tab."

"Hey, no problem! I think that's your third break-up, and the second one I've weeded out."

"Ah know."

"Hey, no biggie. They always flirt to see if they can get free drinks (yeah, right) so you flirt back a little and shoot 'em down in flames for a laugh; but if he's your friend's boyfriend offering to take you back to his place, you flirt back to see if they're gonna be faithful."

"That, somehow, makes sense..."

"Was that my good-for-nothing brother high-tailing it outta here?"

"Hey, Wands, an' yeah. Thah little creep trahed tah sleep with Tabby."

"Eh, for the best I suppose. Needed that over-inflated ego of his popped... Maybe I'll steal his hair bleach tomorrow, just for fun." This statement was followed by an evil smirk.

"Was that Pietro?"

A tall, redheaded woman and a slightly smaller brunette approached Anna, Tabby and Wanda – who was fixing her cropped red-highlighted black hair by means of her reflection in the bar taps.

"Yeah, Jean, Kitty, ah broke up with him."

"Wow, and I'm, like, guessing Tabby was the cause." Kitty was such a valley-girl sometimes.

"Yep."

"That makes her your official man-tester."

"Her what?"

"Man-tester. Y'know, she flirts with the guy so Anna knows if he'll be faithful."

"Hmm... Ah lahke it!"

"Cool!"

"Hey, luv, can I get one of those drinks that're on fire?"

Wanda grinned slightly as she went to serve the orange-haired Aussie. Anna and the other girls shared a conspiratory smirk.

"Coming right up!"

"Hey, Wands, he's cute. Yah should ask him out!"

"No w..." Wanda paused, noticing the latest arrival to walk through the door. "Okay, I will. But you have to ask that guy, Anna."

She pointed to the man who had just walked in. He raised his head and Anna-Marie gasped when she saw his eyes. Red on black. They were beautiful.

Yay for chapter 1! I'd like to thank a few people:

Chellerbelle for keeping me sane with her brilliant stories
Sakura Ocean for telling me about this song
My sister, Erin, for lending me her laptop for the night while mine's getting fixed
And all you awsome peeps who read and review my stories!

You guys rule!