Kendall opened the door and all four of us pushed to get inside the Palm Woods Lobby, once we were all in we dropped our bags. "Finally Big Time Rush is back"I exclaimed excitedly, all the newbies looked over and shrugged. "Lets get to the room"Logan said even though Carlos was being obnoxiously loud and Kendall was talking about Jo and some new guy, I could hear him clearly. Finally we got up to the room Carlos ranting about new people "James they don't know who we are"Carlos yelled. Kendall had began talking about this new guy and Jo to Katie while Logan just sat on the couch with a book. "We'll teach them"Carlos jumped on my back "Go"he yelled. I dropped him "Maybe later Carlos"he jumped up and ran out yelling about newbies.
"I'm going to spy on this guy and Jo"Kendall said grabbing his tree hat and running out with Katie. "Finally alone for once"I said sitting next to my secret boyfriend, Logan. "Yeah"he said continuing to read I grabbed his book and threw it, the book flew into a vase and broke it. "James"he said crossing his arms I chuckled and grabbed his wrists dragging him to the room we shared.
I sat him on the bed "Come on we just got back from tour and we haven't been alone for months". "I don't feel like it James"he reached under the bed and grabbed out another book. "What! Give me that"I took it and threw it, again hitting a vase this time a cat too. I took his wrists and with one swift motion pinned him against the bed "James"he squeaked. I smirked and kissed him automatically getting kissed back. I released one of his arms and trailed my now free hand down the side of his body. His released arm wrapped around my neck and I stopped my hand on his hip. He combed his fingers through my hair as I licked at his bottom lip making him to moan and clench my hair in his fist.
I probed his whole mouth mentally taking notes of where his sensitive spots were. I pulled away receiving a small moan of disapproval from my lover underneath me. I trailed kisses down his jawline to his neck and searched for his sexy spot, as I call it. When I found it I began sucking and nibbling at the spot creating a moaning mess under me. After kissing his neck for a bit but not leaving any marks, with all the paparazzi we couldn't risk it, I moved down to his chest quickly unbuttoning the top two buttons of his shirt. I tortured him by giving him hickeys more able to be covered "Ah James stop"he moaned out I obliged. He pushed us over and straddled me attacking my neck with his mouth. I let out a loud moan placing both my hands on his hips. A loud crash from the living room startled Logan and he fell off of me, he landed on the floor and scrambled onto his feet.
I groaned "Logan come back"I said he only opened the bedroom door looking out. "Logan!"a woman's voice yelled and a very excited Camille lunged herself onto Logan. I instantly became jealous and got up walking out of the room. I really hate keeping this a secret and Logan's to afraid to tell Camille he doesn't like her. I sat on the couch putting my feet on the coffee table looking mad. I didn't bother turning on the t.v. cause I knew there would nothing on that I would want to watch.
At that point Miss. Knight entered the door and placed her bags down "Oh hey James where are the other boys"I didn't look at her or even move but answered with a monotoned "Kendall's watching Jo with Katie, Carlos is down at the pool, and Logan is making out with his girlfriend"I got more intense with Logan's part of the sentence. She gave me a single nod and a small "O-k"then started putting the stuff away.
Logan walked out with Camille and they left the apartment I clenched my fists and sighed. The rest of the day I moped around on the couch until Kendall popped in. "James why so glum"he said sitting next to me. I knew I could tell Kendall anything but Logan really wanted this to be a secret.
Who cares what Logan wants he loves Camille. I took a big breath and sighed out my nose "Nothing"I finally decided to say. "James you can't hide anything from me I know your sad, tell me why". I wanted to say 'Because i'm hiding this from you, because Logan doesn't really like me, he's just being nice right, because of Logan' but I didn't.
"It's because those new girls don't know him yet"Carlos yelled from the door. Not even close. "Come on James join me now and you can meet all those woman"I felt like I had two little people on my shoulders. Me in red on one shoulder telling me 'Come on Logan's cheating on you! Cheat on him back!' and another me on the other side in all white saying 'No you love Logan stay faithful to him, he's just telling Camille he's not interested'.
I was in udder turmoil and I didn't know what to say "I gotta go"I got up walking away. I walked out of the apartment and took the stairs down, I really don't want to run into anyone. I decided to take a walk and clear my head. After three hours of just walking around avoiding people I found myself back at the Palm Woods front entrance. I told myself to do another few laps around the hotel but the sun had been going down and soon it'll be dark.
I sighed entering the lobby, nobody manned the front desk which isn't very shocking. I used the stairs again as to further my time alone. Finally I reached the door to the apartment, it was closed and I could hear everyone inside. I took in a deep breath and opened the door, everyone simultaneously yelled "James". hugged me first then all the boys, including Logan. I didn't give an excuse or even talk when they asked me where I went.
I only gave them a shrug "Ok then well James I just made dinner come on"Miss. Knight said smiling. I pierced my lips together, I hadn't eaten at all today yet I still didn't have an appetite. I shook my head the first words I've spoken to them in hours will sadly have be a lie. "I ate while I was out"I entered the room I share with Logan and shut the door.
I pulled out my IPod and laid there staring at the ceiling for the rest of the night. In the corner of my eye I saw the door open a few times and all five of them pop their head in at the same time. They then all slowly backed out of the door and it shut again. Logan never came back into the room to go to sleep that night.
The next morning I awoke with my IPod still playing I had gotten a total of 2 hours of sleep. I got up and changed into some new skinny jeans and a hoodie. I exited the room to see Logan sleeping on the couch. It was only 5 a.m. and the sun was just coming up. I left the apartment and decided to go on another walk. This schedule continued for the next week until finally Kendall and took me in a room and sat me down.
"James we worry for you"Miss. Knight said Kendall chimed in "You've been sad and mopey ever since we got back". "You haven't been eating, I know, we can see how skinny you've gotten". I looked down Kendall chimed in again "You haven't been practicing, dude please tell us what's up"I bit my lip. I know I need help but I just don't know how to ask.
While walking everyday I see Logan and Camille laughing and sitting together in the park, holding hands, and hugging. He hasn't talked to me and had even stopped checking up on me with the rest of the people. "I can't tell you"was all I said after five minutes of thinking. Kendall groaned and sat on the floor "Why not"he raised his voice "We've been friends for years and now all of the sudden you can't tell me something"he stopped for a second looking a little hurt. "We've always told each other everything, we've always been the closest"I bit my lip again.
"I know Kendall, i'm sorry and the fact is I would love nothing more than your help but I just can't tell you why i'm acting like this"I hoped that he would just take that and help me. Watch me to make sure I eat, tell me and make me practice, get my life back on track. Miss. Knight and Kendall only stared "What?"Miss. Knight said. My head fell Kendall spoke up "I can't help you until I know what i'm helping you with James". I too noticed how deep the bags under my eyes were, how skinny I looked, and how far behind I was on practice I was.
"Logan"I whispered I heard Kendall shift and getting closer "What"he asked and I spoke a little louder this time. "Logan"I saw them look at each other through my through my hair "Huh"Miss. Knight said. "Logan"I shouted looking up "Logan and I have been going out for months and now Camille and him are together. That's why i'm like this, that's why i'm depressed, that girl took him from me"I wiped tears away from my eyes. It was harder to talk about in person than in my mind.
The two didn't say anything for a while I almost thought they would just start yelling at me. "Oh well I um- I don't know how to help"Miss. Knight said biting her lip I nodded. "Have you talked to Logan about how much it brothers you"Kendall said I shook my head. "Well maybe you should I bet there's nothing going on between him and Camille"Miss. Knight chimed in. I looked up "You really think so"I said hopefully she nodded with a big smile on her face.
"Yeah why not talk to him now"Kendall opened the door then quickly shut it. "Ok big problem"he whispered to "What"I stood and Kendall tried to cover the door. I pushed him away and swung open the door.
I froze, Logan sat on the couch kissing Camille he wasn't pulling away, he wasn't trying to stop her, he was even leaning in. I couldn't believe it, all those months, those dates, that hiding was all for nothing. My love meant nothing to him. I meant nothing. I sighed " "I turned to her and she flinched a little then nodded.
"I'm starving think you can make me something to eat"I smiled and she placed her hands on her mouth and nodded almost running out of the room to the kitchen. "Kendall I need the sheet music for the new song do you have it"he gave me a big smile and nodded. About a month passed and I regained my weight and lovable carefree attitude, both and Kendall were glad to see me back to normal. I was glad to see myself normal.
"Yes pool time all day"I shouted jumping out of Logan and I's room. Carlos was right behind me "To the pool"he yelled and we began running. "Be back by dinner" said to us as we left the apartment. I settled on a relaxing chair in the sun to work on my tan. I wore some black shorts and sun glasses letting my newly reformed body gain a little more tan than it already has. "Hi James"one of the Jennifers passed me alone, that's strange, and waved. I gave a small nod acknowledging her since the whole Logan thing I haven't really been interested or looking for anyone. I was happy with just myself plus I had my buddies, the band, Katie and .
After about an hour of tanning Carlos splashed me "Dude jump in the water is perfect"I laughed and threw my sunglasses and tanning mirror behind me. I did I huge cannonball into the pool splashing a few people and earning a few groans. The water did feel perfect at this time of day I splashed Carlos a little. "Hey guys watch out"Kendall yelled cannonballing in next to us "Dude"I yelled laughing. We splashed around for a little while then Carlos suggested a chicken fight.
"Well we need one more person"he pointed out of the pool behind me. I turned and saw Logan sitting on one of the lawn chairs reading. "Carlos no"Kendall said I shrugged, why not I didn't have anything against Logan anymore we were good. "Logan"I shouted swimming to the edge of the pool "Come on in. Chicken Fight!"I said and he chuckled.
"No i'm good, i'm reading my book right now"I smirked splashing water at him "Come on". The water hit him and his book making him pause "Fine you big child"he set his book down and pulled off his shirt. Within a second he was in the water shivering at how cold it was. "Chicken Fight!"I yelled pulling him closer to me, Kendall raised an eyebrow and Carlos started to get on Kendall's back.
Once everyone was settled, Logan on my shoulder Carlos on Kendall's shoulders, I notice Kendall looked a little uncomfortable and flustered. I passed it off as nothing and the chicken fight began. "Left! Left!" Carlos yelled to Kendall while fighting Logan, it was a diligent and worthy fight but Logan and I came out the winners. "Aw lame"Carlos pouted and Kendall laughed "I'm getting out now"Logan said moving the stairs. He stepped out and got his shirt back on then left "Yeah same I got a date"Carlos jumped out and grabbed a towel.
"Good luck buddy"I smiled at him then turned back to Kendall. Kendall looked kind of sad but covered it with a smile and a thumbs up. After another hour Kendall and I walked back up to the apartment together laughing and joking. "You know man i'm real glad you're back to normal"I nodded and he opened the door. The smell of pasta came wafting into our noses and smile "Just in time boys come sit down dinner is ready"she made plates and everyone, except Carlos, sat down and joined in conversation.
After dinner I thanked and left to Logan and I's room I sat down on my bed and began playing our newest tracks. I listened to tracks of our new album and read the sheet music. I didn't stop until I saw Logan enter the room, I stopped the music and looked up giving him a smile. He closed the door and sat on my bed I gave him a questionable look and he sighed.
"James I wanna talk"I motioned for him to continue "About us"I stopped. "Logan there is no us, you made that perfectly clear I know you like Camille and what we had was just some little fling." His eyes were slightly teary "O-ok I see"he got up and laid on his bed facing away from me.
I knew I had been really hard but he had hurt me there was no going back on that and I don't think we could ever be a thing again. He picked Camille over me and that hurt me almost to the point of no return then I saw them kissing and something just snapped. I knew he liked her maybe even loved her and his thing with me wasn't strong enough to withstand that. After seeing that kiss I let Logan go for my happiness and his.
I was okay.