He had vowed to himself never to think on it, and for the first month, it was easy. Remus would pretend that nothing had happened at all, that his friend was only hiding in the shadows. Soon enough, the game would be done, and a grinning face, full of mocking and joy, would make itself known again. He could only imagine him as they had once been; young, fresh, and full of life. His heart said nothing had changed.

But all truths must be faced eventually, and he knew his was coming. For Tonks began to seek him not only for comfort, but something more as well. And though she meant well, along with everyone else, her vibrant aura, her easy grin, made him miss that face far more. With her came the weight that his friend was not coming back.

Night after night, he was plagued with memories. No longer did he sleep, only stared at the cracks in his ceiling, watching as the one he had so recently found again, died. He remembered their first meeting, how nervous and shy he had been in face of such a proud and handsome boy. Their first prank, of which he had loudly disapproved of, but secretly enjoyed. Then his thoughts would turn to James, so full of life and cheer, now long gone. Was it the curse of the moon that gave him such a lonely life? Everyone he had loved, everyone he had ever truly cared for, was gone to him.

He wished he had had more time with them.

After almost a year of Molly's nagging and Nymphadora's incessant sighs, he went. First a bus ride into London, then a quick train ride to the other side of it. A short ride on another bus back out into the countryside, followed by a 30 minute walk into the fields, and he was there.

The flowers in his hands had wilted slightly from the journey, but he knew that none of that mattered. The flowers wouldn't bring them back; wouldn't bring him back. He knelt before the 4 graves, side by side, and placed a bundle on each. Then he turned to the freshest grave, and simply gazed upon its' snow-white marker. There were no clumsy words, because there was nothing to say. Remus simply sat there, staring at the only sign his dear dear friend, his Padfoot, had ever existed.

Slowly, like the budding of a flower, droplets began to fall from his eyes. A small sob ached in his throat, and he desperately pushed it away. It did no good. The tears kept coming and the sob grew in number. Suddenly, there was no fighting. His pain forced itself from his body, bit by bit.

Even when the tears and hiccups ended, that dreadful pain did not. He lay in between the graves of his two best friends, and stared at the cloudless sky. It was the sort of sky they would watch at Hogwarts on a lazy day. Remus could hear the distant shouts of a game of tag, and smell the scent of warm water. He could even feel the breathing of his friends as they lay shoulder to shoulder in a circle, each in their own thoughts.

Somehow, a sort of calm came over him. It was not peace, nor was it yet acceptance, but it helped soften the wound in his heart. Loneliness would curl around him, but out there, in a field, alone and still alive, he felt his friends with him more than ever.

And as he lay there, his mind wandered to his predicament with Tonks.

Perhaps it would be best for me to live on. …Maybe another day, wouldn't you agree Sirius?

His truth had come.

-end

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This is what happens when you mix lack of sleep and depressing music. It's based on the idea of Remus having qualms about dating Tonks. This idea has probably been done before, I don't know. Remus isn't really a character I usually read/write about, even though I adore him. I don't have a beta, so all faults are my own. All cheesy lines are also my own. If you feel the need to insult, adore, or wail, feel free to.

On a second note, I don't own any of these characters.