~*~
Ryoga sat on the shelf in the dusty store...well, he thought it was an odd rock formation, and scrawled a letter
"Urm, young suur, ye'll need to paye fer that." An old but rather strong-looking man Ryoga hadn't noticed said from a...surprise...dusty desk in a corner of the room in a strong Bulgarian accent. "The sheylf, not tha box. Thayt'll bee fiftee dollars and fiftee ceyants. Twentee-fyve pounds. Eighteen thowsand yen. Whatever ye've got." Ryoga searched his backpack, flinging out hand-scribbled maps, empty instant ramen cups, and everything else he keeps in his backpack, and finally found some yen notes, enough to pay for the shelf. He handed them to the old man, who took them with a gnarled hand.
"What's that box thingy, anyway?" Ryoga said, trying not to breathe too much as the dust that had been stirred up was in thick clouds everywhere. The old man seemed to not notice the dust as he took in a deep breath and smiled.
"I down't really know meself. Bought it awf some old guy when I was a lad. He said it made you invincyble in a fight, but I never used it, just kept it around for security. I'm willin' to let it go cheeply now, no burgalers round heer. It says "R+R" on the outside, nevar understood thayat. Maybee Reybecca and Rowbert were married or somesuch. Lots of lyttle buttons inside. Never really pressed any...hey...where you goin, lad?"
Ryoga had stopped listnening at the "invincible in a fight" part, thrown the rest of his yen at the man, and ran off, small but heavy box in hand.
[I'll be able to defeat Ranma...what a dream come true...and then, maybe Akane will...] Ryoga, being Ryoga, continued into delusional fantasies of defeating Ranma and Akane running to him in tears of joy, her short hair flying about her face, and hugging him in happiness... now, how to get from Bulgaria to Nerima...assuming that it was still Bulgaria...
-- Five days later
"Ryoga, you dope, you know you're just going to lose again like every other time. Alright then, if you insist." Ranma said with the usual bored tone of voice, accented by a confident smirk.
"Feh." Ryoga smirked, knowing all of Ranma's usual bravado was all going to be shattered, after he used his box...
Ryoga's blocked Ranma's punch with one arm, and used the other to flip open the little box. It unfolded three times, making it six times the size of the size of the original. There were differently colored buttons - maroon, deep red, pewter, silver, black, bright red, deep gray. Little words were on each button, "OOC", "Misplaced Angst", "Passion Spice" and many more. There was an "info" button that Ryoga would have pressed had he had time, but he pressed the first button his fingers touched, a light grey button -
"R+R activated. Lame Pun Syndrome. Name Target," the little box said in a monotonous woman's voice. Ranma was haughtily watching him look, confusedly, at the box. Ranma jumped up onto a tree to give his next strike more power, causing a few orange leaves to fall onto the cars below.
"Um...um...Ranma Saotome!" Ryoga shouted. He paused. Nothing was coming out of the box, no fire bolts, no ki blasts, not even a little piff of paralysis powder.
"Oh, so that's your secret, huh? What does it do, calculate fractions? Hey, what's 1/2 plus 1/2? Hahahaahaaa! Haaha! Hey, that's really funny, isn't it? HAHAHAHA!!! I'm killing me!" Ryoga got ready for Ranma's counter, angry with the box for it's lack of effect, silently cursing the Bulgarian merchant. Well, at least he thought he'd been in Bulgaria. Maybe it'd been Mexico.
However, it never came. Ranma was hanging from the tree upside down, clutching his sides and twitching in silent laughter. An occasional gasp esacped his mouth, and his face was starting to turn crimson. His legs began to slip, and in a last second he plummeted into the neighbor's new silver car.
"AHAHA! Get it, Ryoga? One-half? I'm ONE-HALF guy? HAHAHAHAHAAA!" Ranma said all of this with his head inside a car in what looked like an extraordinarily painful position. "Yo, Ryoga! You beat me, and you don't even have an ugly tattoo! I'm probably gonna have one after this, though? HAHAHA! THAT'S FUNNY!" Ryoga looked at the car and saw that there was blood dripping onto the new leather seat. Dazed, Ryoga walked to the car and pulled a giggling Ranma out by the feet. Flinging him into a tulip patch and ignoring the random comment on tulips and the blood dripping down Ranma's two lips and the mad giggles that followed, Ryoga's small mind struck gold...
"HAHAHA!!!! I'M INVINCIBLE!!!! NERIMA, FEEL MY WRATH! ...okay...now to press the "info" button..."
"Hi. This is R&R. Someone probably told you this will make you invincible...well they were right. The grey and black buttons mean that they will directly do something to your opponent or change their minds in some way," said the monotonous R&R box.
"Hey. I should wash all this blood off, you know? Maybe I'll go to Shampoo's to wash off! HAHAHA! Get it? Washing? Shampoo? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"
Ryoga sweatdropped and continued to listen. "The red buttons will change the minds of others in a way that will hurt the opponent. Be very careful with these - you could end up being the one getting half your brain turned to ice cream. The danger level of a technique is shown by the darkness level. You'll see that "Mary Sue" is a very dark red, almost black. This will totally devastate everyone in the story. "Odd Couple" is shimmering from black to grey. This signifies that it could be either good or terrible for some. It asks for input. You give the danger level. Have fun. R&R."