My good friend vic32had the excellent idea of thinking about what some of the characters may write if they kept a diary. I've written 5 diary entries in total and they are collated here. They are all set at various different times. I hope you enjoy them. I appreciate all reviews, thank you kindly!1. STELLA KOWALSKI(The date would be a few days after 'Strange Bedfellows')Sometimes people say that if something is bothering you then you should write it all down and then throw that piece of paper out. Well, usually I don't believe in all that sort of nonsense, but after the last few days I need to sort out things in my own mind, so I'm willing to give anything a try.
I suppose I could just write down three words and throw them away, that would solve a lot of my problems. The three words being, Stanley Raymond Kowalski.
Perhaps that's unfair. He did just save my life. Twice. He and that Mountie friend of his. What's with him anyway? What's with the red suit? He might as well just put a huge neon sign on his head saying "Look at me!" No, that's probably also unfair. He seems to have a calming effect on Ray. Sort of, anyway, so I suppose I should be thankful for that.
The thing is, I've known Ray since I was 12. A lot of things have changed since we were kids. We grew up. Well, I did anyway, I'm not so sure about Ray. I guess that's the trouble, he's still exactly the same. I don't have that sort of energy any more. Maybe that's what I found so appealing about Frank Orsini. Here was someone who treated me like an adult, like a woman. We spent hours just talking, about all sorts of things, really interesting things. It's just my luck that Frank would turn out to be a crooked politician. (I suppose I owe Ray and Fraser for that one too, I could have made a total fool of myself.) I can't remember the last time Ray and I had a real conversation, not one that didn't descend into an argument, anyway. We were never very good at talking. Dancing, now dancing we were good at, really really good.
Still, I let him in the other evening, didn't I? I let him kiss me. I guess those old feelings never completely go away. I wanted him to stay, even though I knew we'd both regret it in the morning. Well, I'd regret it, anyway. Ray still seems to think that one night would be enough to get us back together. He doesn't understand does he? We're divorced now. This isn't like when we were kids. We broke up a hundred times over petty things, but then he'd make me a mix tape or get me one of my favourite candy bars and we always got back together. He doesn't get it. I will always love him, I don't think that will ever change. We had some really great times, but that's all in the past.
I know he's been following me around. I tried to ignore it, but it has to stop. I think he realises that now. When he was talking to that crazy Dwayne Weston in my apartment, I heard him say something like 'When it's over it's over, you've got to accept that, and live with it'. Now I know he was only providing a distraction so that Fraser could overpower him and get the bomb, but even so, those words must have come from somewhere, surely?
It's going to be a little awkward for a while, what with Ray working at the 27th. I never really had much to do with his old precinct, but I'm always at the 27th so we'd better get used to seeing more of each other. Perhaps I should just move away, start over somewhere new. I've lived in Chicago all my life, but a clean break might be for the best. I hear Florida's nice.
I hope that one day Ray will find himself someone to love him the way that I just can't any more and you never know, maybe there's someone out there for me too?
Right, I think I've had enough of this. I'm not sure if I've made myself feel better or not? I guess I better screw this up and throw it in the trash now.
Ms Stella Kowalski
Assistant States Attorney