A few years ago, I made a piece of fan art over at DA (see the link on my main page), depicting Madame Foster and Mr. Herriman doing a scene from the popular vaudeville and tv sketch (again, see the link to the original sketch on my main page) "Dinner For One". I always wanted to follow up by also rewriting the sketch itself in a similar way, but didn't get around to it. But here it is now, starring Madame Foster as Miss Sophie, Mr. Herriman as James, and four other Cartoon Network seniors as the absent guests Sir Toby, Admiral Von Schneider, Mr. Pommery and Mr. Winterbottom.
If I have never heard "Dinner For One" before, please check out the aforementioned links. If you already know what this is all about, please read and review!
DINNER FOR ONE AT FOSTER'S
Set in Foster's dining hall, with a table set for five people, including Madame Foster, who is seated at the head of the table (on the right). A stair case is seen on the right, a serving bar on the left side of the room. On the floor between the table and the serving bar is a yeti rug, complete with head. Madame Foster comes down the stairs into the dining salon. Mr. Herriman, greets her...
Mr. Herriman: Good evening, Madame Foster, good evening.
Madame Foster: Good evening, Mr. Herriman.
Mr. Herriman: You are looking very well this evening, Madame Foster.
Madame Foster: Well, I am feeling very much better, thank you, Mr. Herriman.
Mr. Herriman: Good, good...
Madame Foster: Well, I must say that everything looks nice.
Mr. Herriman: Thank you very much, Madame Foster, thank you.
Madame Foster: Is everybody here?
Mr. Herriman: Indeed, they are, yeah. Yes... They are all here for your anniversary, Madame Foster.
Madame Foster: All five places are laid out?
Mr. Herriman: All laid out as usual.
Madame Foster: Mung Daal?
Mr. Herriman: Mung Daal, yes, he's sitting here this year, Madame Foster.
No one except Madame Foster is seated at the table as Mr. Herriman indicates where the four invisible guests are seated.
Madame Foster: General Skarr?
Mr. Herriman: General Skarr is sitting here, Madame Foster.
Madame Foster: The Mayor of Townsville?
Mr. Herriman: The Mayor of Townsville I put round here for you.
Madame Foster: And my very dear friend, Max Tennyson?
Mr. Herriman: On your right, as you requested, Madame Foster!
Madame Foster: Thank you, Mr. Herriman. You may now serve It.
Mr. Herriman: It, thank you very much, Madame Foster, thank you. They are all waiting for you. Little bowl of It, Madame Foster?
Madame Foster: I am particularly fond of It, Mr. Herriman.
Mr. Herriman: Yes, I know you are.
Madame Foster: I think we'll have sherry with It.
Mr. Herriman: Sherry with the It, yes... Oh, by the way, the same procedure as last year, Madame Foster?
Madame Foster: Same procedure as every year, Mr. Herriman. Is that a dry sherry, Mr. Herriman?
Mr. Herriman: Yes, a very dry sherry, Madame Foster... very dry. Straight out of the cellar, this morning, Madame Foster.
Mr. Herriman goes around the table pouring sherry for each guest. Then he walks over to the serving bar with the sherry bottle, tripping on the yeti rug head as he does so. He puts the bottle down and goes back to the table, standing behind the chair where Mung Daal is supposedly seated. He lifts Mung Daal's glass and makes a toasting gesture towards Madame Foster, who also has a glass in her hand.
Madame Foster: Mung Daal!
Mr. Herriman: Cheerio, Madame Foster!
Mr. Herriman takes a drink for Mung Daal.
Madame Foster: General Skarr!
Mr. Herriman: Ad... Must I say it this year, Madame Foster?
Madame Foster: Just to please me, Mr. Herriman.
Mr. Herriman: Just to please you. Very good, yes, yes... Skol!
Mr. Herriman drinks and clicks his heels together as he says "Skol!" and reacts in pain.
Madame Foster: The Mayor of Townsville!
Mr. Herriman: (in falsetto voice) Happy New Year, Madame Foster!
Mr. Herriman drinks the entire glass for the Mayor of Townsville.
Madame Foster: And dear Max Tennyson!
Mr. Herriman: (in a deep voice) Well, here we are again, old lovely...
Madame Foster: You may now serve the fish.
Mr. Herriman: Fish. Very good, Madame Foster. Did you enjoy It?
Madame Foster: Terrible, Mr. Herriman.
Mr. Herriman: Thank you, Madame Foster, glad you enjoyed it.
Mr. Herriman hobbles over to the serving bar, once again stumbling over the yeti head. Takes the fish over to Madame Foster.
Mr. Herriman: Little bit of Lake Lazlo haddock, Madame Foster.
Madame Foster: I think we'll have white wine with the fish.
Mr. Herriman: White wine with the fish? The same procedure as last year, Madame Foster?
Madame Foster: The same procedure as every year, Mr. Herriman!
Mr. Herriman: Yea!
Mr. Herriman goes over to get the white wine, once again stumbling over the yeti head. He gets the wine bottle and fills each person's glass. As he pours for Mung Daal, he has an imaginary, silent conversation with Mung Daal, then pours him some more wine as if it had been requested. As he takes the bottle back to the serving bar he fails to stumble over the yeti head. Then he heads back to the table and stumbles over the yeti head.
Madame Foster: Mung Daal!
Mr. Herriman: Cheerio, Madame Foster, my lady.
Mr. Herriman drinks the wine from the glass of each guest as he toasts/greets Madame Foster.
Madame Foster: General Skarr!
Mr. Herriman: Oh, must I, Madame Foster?
Madame Foster: Mr. Herriman, please!
Mr. Herriman: Skol! Clicks heels together and again reacts in pain.
Madame Foster: Mayor of Townsville!
Mr. Herriman: Happy New Year, Madame Foster gal!
Madame Foster: Max Tennyson!
Mr. Herriman: You look younger than ever, love! By gum, you look younger than ever, love, younger than ever! Ha, ha, ha...
Mr. Herriman is now showing the effects of his many toasts, weaving about and hesitating as he rounds the table. He takes Madame Foster's plate.
Madame Foster: Please serve the Barnyard chicken!
Mr. Herriman: Ya...
Mr. Herriman stumbles over to the serving bar, tripping over the yeti head. He brings the chicken to Madame Foster, wobbling as he does so.
Madame Foster: That looks a very fine bird!
Mr. Herriman: That's a lovely chu... chuk... chicken, that I'll tell you, a lovely...
Madame Foster: I think we'll have champagne with the bird!
Mr. Herriman: Champagne, ya... Same, same prosheeed-ure as last year, Madame Foster?
Madame Foster: The same procedure as every year, Mr. Herriman!
Mr. Herriman stumbles over to the serving bar for the champagne, again tripping over the yeti head. He pours champagne for each person, now wobbling and weaving even more than before.
Mr. Herriman: Madame Foster, me gal...
Madame Foster: General Skarr!
Mr. Herriman: Must I, Madame Foster?
Madame Foster: Mr. Herriman!
Mr. Herriman: Schkol!
Mr. Herriman tries to click his heels but misses and dances about for a moment.
Madame Foster: Mayor of Townsville!
Mr. Herriman: Happy New Year, Madame Foster, gal...
Madame Foster: Max Tennyson!
Mr. Herriman: To one of the nicest little women... hic... one of THE NISCHEST LITTLE WOMEEEN!…that's ever breathed, that's ever breathed... Stop them, Ben! These Xenocytes must be destroyed....
Mr. Herriman makes a loud burping sound, then grabs Madame Foster's chair, almost tipping her over backwards. He somehow manages to take her plate of chicken over to the bar, stumbling over the yeti head as the plate flies up in the air.
Mr. Herriman: Would you like some cookies?
Takes a cookie jar over to Madame Foster, zooming past her and half-way up the stairs, then back down to her.
Madame Foster: I think we'll have Stormalong Harbor Syrup with the cookies!
Mr. Herriman: Oh, no! Sa... same procedure, sa... same procedure as last...
Madame Foster: Yes, the same procedure as every year, Mr. Herriman!
Mr. Herriman gets the bottle of Stormalong Harbor Syrup and returns, shakily, to the table. He has difficulty pouring the syrup, sloshing it all over as he attempts to pour for Madame Foster and her guests. Finally, he takes a swig from the bottle as he hops over the yeti head. He then returns to the table, wobbily.
Madame Foster: Mung Daal!
Mr. Herriman: You don't know what you're missing, if you're not in the kitchen...
Madame Foster: General Skarr!
Mr. Herriman: Schkol!
Madame Foster: Mayor of Townsville!
Mr. Herriman: Oh boy!(Spills glass) I'm sorry, Madam, sorry. (Scoops the spilled syrup off the table cloth into his glass and drinks.)
Madame Foster: Max Tennyson!
Mr. Herriman accidentally grabs a flower vase, removes the flowers and drinks from the vase. Then he grimaces as he realizes what someone else has been doing in that particular vase:
Mr. Herriman: Huuhh, I'll kill Master Blooregard!
Madame Foster: Well, Mr. Herriman, it's been a wonderful party!
Mr. Herriman: Well, it's been most enjoyable.
Madame Foster: And I, I think I'll retire.
Mr. Herriman: You're going to bed? Sit down, I'll give you a hand up, Madame.
Mr. Herriman escorts Madame Foster to the base of the stairs.
Madame Foster: As I was saying, I think I'll retire.
Mr. Herriman: Ya... ya, ya. By the way, the same procedure as last year, Madame Foster?
Madame Foster: The same procedure as every year Mr. Herriman!
Mr. Herriman: Well, I'll do my very best!
The two go up the stairs and disappear off-stage.
THE END