Disclaimer: Come on; if I owned Twilight, do you think that it would be nearly as serious as it is?
The look that Edward gave me was starting to freak me out a bit. I've never seen him this way before. His eyes won't stop twitching; they were jerking from one object to the next. At random moments, he would just burst out laughing.
Next to me, Emmett shifted uneasily from foot to foot, shooting glances towards me every so often. His looks were nervous – almost as if he was keeping something from me…
"Emmett!" screamed Alice as she stepped in the door. Emmett jumped about four and a half feet in the air. "What did you do?!" She ran over and started coddling Edward, who was making clicking noises, now.
"Nothing!" Emmett insisted. "He's been like this since we've been back from camping."
"What exactly did he feed on, Emmett?" inquired Carlisle, cool as ever.
"Well, a few dear, here and there…"
"And?" prompted Rosalie.
"Well, erm, the only thing abnormal was this mountain lion… You see, it was kinda ginormous, and I told his not to do it-"
"You did nothing of the sort!" Everyone's eyes – including mine, which had been getting narrower and narrower, until they'd been nothing but slits while glaring at Emmett – flicked over to Edward. Placing a hand over his chest and fluttering his eyes, he continued. "There was a huge cat, and HE-" he glared at the grizzly-lover, "decided to dare me to wrestle with it. So, I did. I won, naturally, and bit in so as to claim my prize. Right away, I could tell that it tasted different." Here, I could see that Edward was becoming a bit jumpy. "But I continued none the less. There was just something about it that reminded me of, erm, uh… a clock! Yes! That was it! A clock! And it smelled kind of like flowers, too… yes, definitely floral." I gulped. I was floral, too.
"A clock?" Rosalie snorted. Edward continued to babble incoherently.
"Hmm… If I didn't know any better, I'd almost say that it seems as if Edward is intoxicated," Carlisle said thoughtfully.
"But, isn't that impossible?" I squeaked.
"DON'T YOU SEE?!" Jasper entered the conversation. "HE'S ON DRUGS!" Carlisle shot him a questioning look. "IT'S FREAKING CRYSTAL METH!!" We all heard a squeal from upstairs as we turned to see Esme drag Emmett back into the den by his earlobe.
"Of course," breathed Carlisle. "The one drug that vampires aren't immune to." As I gazed around unbelievingly, I saw Jasper – who was twitching violently right now – give Alice a significant glare. Alice snatched him up and sprinted out to the yard.
Without Alice left to restrain him, and all other Cullen eyes on Emmett as he was beaten by Esme, Edward crawled over and sat on the couch next to me. I watched him warily as he sat serenely. After a moment or two, he leaned over and whispered in my ear.
"Get it, Bella?" he giggled. "I'm high!" And with that, he tore off his clothes, excepting his undies, and went galloping off the backyard. I was paralyzed, and didn't realize that Emmett had apologized until he covered my eyes with his hand, shielding me from Edward's insaneness.
A/N: So, this is just a short, little scenario that I made up the other day at school (which is now out, by the way), and it probably isn't as funny as all of my friends keep telling me it is, but I put it up here, anyways. Did all of you get the reference to Jasper's power? I don't think that he really liked feeling high. And, incase no one understood how Edward got high: that mountain lion was on steroids (don't ask me how), and somehow got into someone's meth. Do we all get it, now? If there aren't too many complaints, I might post a few more little, short stories (crack-tastic stories, my friend Emme and I call them) more often.
On another note, I'm really sorry that I haven't been updating "Twits". Now that I've read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I'm a little lost on what I should do with the plot. Make it follow the book, or not? Well, either way, I'll be updating soon on that.