I Am

A/N: I couldn't find the type of Last Exile story I wanted to read, so I wrote one! Enjoy! ( Disclaimer: I do NOT own Last Exile or any of its characters) (Warning: Shoujo Ai/ girls loving girls content ahead!- Yes, I know most of you who clicked on this are probably saying "Yay, bring it on!" right now, but this is just incase anyone didn't read the summary.) (Below is a poem with the same title as the story. Disclaimer: I do NOT own this poem either.)

I Am

by: John Clare

I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am! and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And e'en the dearest--that I loved the best--
Are strange--nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smil'd or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God,And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below--above the vaulted sky.

Chapter 1: I Am…?

Tatiana Wisla knew who she was, or at least that was what she had thought for so long. Then a young boy with a strong spirit made her look at herself, and her life more closely than she ever had before. And she saw things she had never really noticed before, her "friends" for instance or rather her only real friend, her best, closest friend and navigator. After returning to the Sylvania after she'd thought she'd lost everything, she was seeing Alister in a whole knew way, and it was making her question who she herself was. She just wasn't sure anymore.

She saw the look on Lavie's face when they returned, and she was wearing Claus's jumpsuit. If she had been better at talking to people she would have explained it meant nothing, or perhaps if she had just cared more. The truth was it really did mean nothing, Tatiana liked Claus but not in a romantic way. She was only looking at him differently because she respected him now. She felt he had taught her something, and any one who could break Tatiana's tough exterior long enough to actually change her mind was worth respecting.

Lying on her bunk once again safe on the Silvana her mind raced. This whole situation had gotten her to think about her life. For instance; why didn't she like Claus? He was pretty damn likable, with his heroic, innocent charm, and his pretty-boy good looks. But when she thought about it she never really did have crushes on boys like most young girls. She assumed she was always just too busy for that sort of hormonal love, but plenty of other girls at her academy had had crushes. "Well," she thought, "I've always just paid more attention to those who are important to my work, like Alister, I love Alister…" She startled and surprised herself with that last thought! "Do I…love… Alister?! How? Like a pilot should love her navi…right? That's all."

The next morning she found her self lost in thought. Her face screwed up, biting her bottom lip as she unconsciously starred at Alis as she ate breakfast. She was trying to figure out what she felt about her as a person rather than just a navi. "Well, she certainly is my best friend," she thought as she remembered all the time they'd spent together, the letters to her parents she'd wrote: "My best friend Alister is always at my; as long as she's around, I'll be fine." But lately she hadn't been treating her as a treasured friend but only as a navigator, someone she merely worked with. But that's what happens sometimes when you're always with someone you start taking them for granted. You forget, or rather you ignore how deeply you care for them and start being cold and mechanical just so you can more easily get through the day. Because emotions can hinder you when you work in a situation where you must think quickly or be blown out of the sky.

Alister cocked her head a raised an eyebrow at Tatiana, noticing the girls lingering stare. "Do…do I have food on my face? Is my braid coming undone; is it not straight?"

"Wha… huh?" Tatiana didn't quiet understand why Alis was asking her these questions all of the sudden, as she wasn't aware she had been starring or making such a face.

"Why were you starring at me?" She asked as she undid her suspect braid in an attempt to fix the problem Tatiana must have been starring at her for.

"Ummm…I, ah, didn't sleep well. I zoned out for a minute, I'm sorry if I was starring."

"Oh," Tatiana rarely apologized and it caught Alis a little off guard, "that's fine." She was still undoing her hair having it more than half way down already. After she had it completely unraveled she stepped away from the table to shake it out. Tatiana's gaze followed her in amusement and just a hint of wonder,; it wasn't often she saw her friend with her long locks unleashed. As Alis shook her hair out Tatiana couldn't help herself from feeling hot and blushing slightly at the beautiful sight of her navi just being her natural self. "Heh, what?" Alis asked with a small smile.

"Huh, what what?"

"You're starring again, heh." she smiled and giggled at Tatiana's embarrassed expression. Tatiana blushed more deeply knowing that she was being laughed at, but also because she was noticing how incredibly cute Alis was when she smiled.

…