I'm not a bitch… I just want him to see that…
I paced back and forth impatiently in front of my bed trying to clear my mind to sleep.
I've only been back for a week…how can he drive me crazy in such a short time…
Angrily I threw my fan against the far wall. I was to meet with Tsunade-sama tomorrow and I needed my rest, but…I couldn't force my mind to shut down.
It's all his fault…If only he'd stayed boring…If only he'd followed my prediction…
With a heavy thud I sat on the edge of the bed. This was getting ridiculous. The last time I'd seen Shikamaru was during our summer romance, the year he turned 18.
But now we're nothing…just old friends and ex-lovers…
Memories washed over me all at once, so quickly that I could not push them away.
*********
"For a lazy asshole you sure hold on tight" I said feigning exasperation
"Don't worry I won't crush you, I mean that would be a crime to hurt such a beautiful desert blossom" Shikamaru responded in a cheesy sarcastic manner.
"Your so full of it Deer boy!" I replied, though smiling all the while
"Tch, troublesome as always, you can't even accept a compliment." He stated grinning.
Shikamaru had his arms wrapped tightly around my waist as we sat on his bed. I looked at his dark eyes as they glinted with playful intentions. Sweat was still drying thickly at his temples from our earlier wrestling match. The idiot had played dead halfway through our match when he realized I wasn't willing to quit or take an easy win.
If I could just stay like this…
His warmth was enveloping me as he leaned against me, nestling his face in the crook of my neck. He announced he was going to nap and I was officially trapped. He couldn't see the smile spreading across my face...
His heart is beating so fast…
I became aware of his steady breath beating gently against my collarbone. The subtle drifting smell of him…musky and warm…slowly heat rose in my face as my thoughts continued.
In his own way he's so perfect…so willing to love, protect, and help me… How could he have chosen me? Ino-chan would be more his type. Sure she's loud, but she's innocent, girly and…safe.
"Well you're awfully quiet, what's on your mind?" Shikamaru asked, startling me.
I jumped slightly almost falling off the bed until he caught me and pulled me close once more. Causing a fresh, darker, blush to rise.
"Well…I-I was just…thinking…" I was so flustered the words couldn't escape my lips.
Shikamaru chuckled amused. "You can tell me, it can't be that bad."
I was turning angry. I don't like being flustered and vulnerable, so anger was the alternative. I pushed away from his grasp and scuttled backwards.
"You baka! I was thinking about you!" I yelled throwing a pillow at his face.
He took the hit and stared blankly for a moment until pure delight began to form on his face.
That goofy smile of yours…I always want to see you with it…
Stupidly I buried my face in another pillow to hide the red heat that was rapidly reaching my ears. Without a word he moved and took the pillow from me, leaning over to look directly into my eyes.
"You're so beautiful Temari…" he whispered moving to kiss me softly
My head began to swim with the aura of him.
He smells so musky and inviting…and I could drown in his warm touch…
My hands found their way to his hair and my fingers tenderly ran through it.
His hair is so soft…
Still lost in the moment I barley heard him mummer as he laid next to me
"I love you Temari…stay with me…"
*********
I was angry, so angry at myself. I hadn't seen him in years, only written to him on occasion, but he'd become so…foreign. Maybe because we never mentioned those feelings…we just…let it go.
How did I ruin something so perfect?
When I had arrived earlier in the week my first act was to find him. I had written that I had to return to meet with Tsunade-sama and that we should see each other. He agreed but had seemed reluctant…When I met him in town he had acted perfectly average. Not normal…average. He smiled and asked common questions and sat and ate lunch with me, but it wasn't the same…it was empty…
At least I didn't cry…
I had wanted to. I missed how it was. I had wanted so badly to touch him…to feel his warmth…
He hadn't wanted to touch me…I hurt him…why WOULD he want to?
It really was my fault. So why does it still hurt?
*********
"Please…I'll figure something out…it doesn't seem right to end it here…"
"Shikamaru…I've spent days thinking it over…with missions and living in different villages…it won't work…"
"What about everything that happen between us? Doesn't this summer mean something?"
It means everything...
"You should see other people, it would be selfish for me to try and hold onto you"
"...what if...i want you to be selfish..."
"C'mon Deer boy...we can still se friends...right?"
Oh please…don't look so hurt…I need you to smile…I never wanted to hurt you…
"I wish we could stay more..."
"I-I'm sorry…but it…it's over Shikamaru…"
*********
I cried, thinking about it I utterly fell apart and cried until I was exhausted. When I finally fell asleep I dreamed in a fitful slumber about an intoxicating man and a cute deer pajama pants.
...
..
.
After sleeping until noon I got dressed in a hurry and rushed to visit Tsunade-sama in her office. I arrived, barely on time, and Shizune led me in to greet her.
"Konnichiwa Tsunade-sama," I greeted, bowing respectfully, "how are-" I stopped mid sentence when I looked up and locked eyes with none other than Nara Shikamaru.
"Aa! I see you've noticed Nara-kun! Very well let me explain why I brought you here. No point in feeding around the bush! The bonds with Suna have been becoming unstable, and I heard of the past romance you two shared." Tsunade added vaguely
"What are you suggesting Hokage-sama?" I asked quietly
"Well since you ARE the Kazekage's sister I have suggested you marry someone from our village to strengthen bonds"
My heart began pounding. What was Shikamaru thinking? Was this truly going where I thought?
What if he hates me?
"I have already spoken to your brother and Nara-kun. Both have agreed to the idea. You will Marry Shikamaru next week if you agree. If however…" the hokage began, trailing off to watch our eyes "there are former issues between you two and you do not wish to marry Nara-kun, another shinobi will be found for you"
The rest of the meeting went by in a blur. Nothing else seemed to matter. When it ended Tsunade-sama left to go drink, giving me a week to decide if I would marry Shikamaru.
I walked silently out the front exit of the building, moving in a thick daze to nowhere in particular. Suddenly a hand seized my arm gripping firmly, but loosely. I turned and faced my capture, Shikamaru.
Letting go of my arm he asked calmly, "Temari…can we talk about this, maybe over some tea?"
All I could manage was a silent nod before I followed him to his house.
Once he poured the tea, Shikamaru sat down across from me and furrowed his brows trying to find where to begin. I sipped my tea soundlessly as I attempted to stop shaking. Finally the silence became over bearing.
I just want you to say something…to hear you deep vibrations melting the ice in the room…
"I'll do it." I muttered
Shikamaru looked up entirely shocked, "You will?"
I nodded, "It's my duty after all. And we do have history"
"Oh" he said frowning, darkness filling his handsome features.
"What's wrong?"
"Temari…" he paused, " I don't want you to marry me because it's your DUTY. I…still love you…if you marry me…I want you to do it because…you want to…and maybe even…because you love me too…"
His words were electric, they struck me and my heart broke but it felt perfect. His dark features were now accented with pink as he looked at me watching for any sign of hope. I did what any independent woman would do. I smiled back and laughed softly…as tears trickled down my face. Stunned he stood and moved to me before stopping. I looked down at the table as oblique tears struck my small napkin.
"I…I thought I'd ruined it…ruined it all…and it hurt…so bad…and I just kept getting more sarcastic, because…I-I…still…love you…too…"
Without a word Shikamaru wrapped his arms around me and that familiar warmth greeted me once more. He held tight and stroked my hair as he smiled and whispered my name.
If I could stay with him forever…
"Will you marry me Temari…?"
No girl could ever be luckier…
"Yes…yes ill marry you Shikamaru…"
With tears still tricking down my face, Shikamaru picked me up bridal style and carried me to the bedroom. From there we made love…not caring about time or people. We were together. Everything else would wait. Explanations could be held off, because all that mattered,
Being held in his arms…fitting so perfectly…
Was that we were with each other…
Seeing him smile…
"Stay with me…"
"Always…"