Disclaimer: Read this and tell me who would be stupid enough to put me in charge of Harry Potter? HMM? HMM?
I HATE CURTAINS!
The killer animate inanimate object.
"WOW JAMSIE THANKS!" Sirius shouted excitedly as he bounced up and down happily, it was Christmas day, and they were all opening their presents, "But...what is it?"
"Not quite sure...hey! How about we ask Moony! He knows everything!" Sirius and James turned towards where their friend Remus should have been, but instead of a hyperactive teenage werewolf sitting there, there was a fortress of brand spanking new books. Sirius went out to touch one of them, cautiously, but as soon as his hand came within an inch of the books, he got an electric shock, and pink sparkles fizzed up his arm.
"OH MOONY!" Sirius said, horror-struck, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" One of the books pulled itself inwards from the fortress and Remus' eye looked around them,
"What?" he said, rather meanly, and Sirius burst into tears,
"Oh, you, you, you monster! What have you done with my dear, sweet, precious, generous, giving, kind, pretty, loving Moony?"
James and Sirius burst into sobs, and clutched at each other for support and comfort.
"OH MOONY!" James cried, and wailed into Sirius' pyjama top, "W, w, w, whats that?"
A humming noise was emitting from Sirius' discarded Christmas present, and Sirius picked it up,
"Oh," he said, and sniffed, "Look, its upset too, lets cuddle it," and he did,
"Oh come on, Sirius!" said the evil, evil Remus' eye, "Its just a stupid piece of plastic, It has no feelings!"
But the 'stupid piece of plastic' seemed to hear, and it slowly opened one, red, evil, eye. It gently pried itself from Sirius' comforting grip, and patted him on the shoulder.
The, suddenly, without warning, it launched itself up at The Book Fortress. Sparks of pink electricity fizzed at it, but it took no notice, and latched itself onto the book wall and started tearing it to shreds. Sirius and James both shrieked like girls and went to hide behind the Christmas tree.
"OH, NO NOOOOOOOO!" Remus cried and he fired countless spells at the animate inanimate object as it tore his beloved books apart.
Finally there was just one book left and it was in the middle of Remus and the animate inanimate object. Cowboy western music began playing in the background as Remus wiggled his fingers at the side of him and the animate inanimate object wiggled its, its...things at the side of it. Suddenly there was a loud pop and Remus raised his wand at the book,
"ACCI-" But it was too late. The animate inanimate object had done a flying leap at the book and landed on it before Remus had had a chance to finish the spell.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Remus cried and fell down on his knees and waved his fist at the celing, "HELP ME GOD! PLEASE!"
Suddenly there was a loud SQUELCH! and clouds appeared at the celing, a large hand appeared out of it, and started waggling itself at Remus, "YOU HAF ARSKED FURR MOY HERLP, HARF YOO NORT REMOOS LOOPIN?" The finger said in a heavy Scottish accent.
"Yes, yes I have, I wish you to bring my books back almighty finger." Remus said, and the finger paused,
"Is thart it?" it said, "arrr you shure yoo don't want to be king over orl mortal beings and such and such?"
"Remus paused a moment, then nodded, "Yes," he said, "that as well."
And so it passed. Remus Lupin became king over all mortal beings and had all animate inanimate objects put to death. The end.